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Original poster

If you were raised Catholic and are lapsed, how lapsed are you exactly?

96 replies

LifeonVenus · 04/10/2019 23:16

I was baptised and reared Catholic.
It was just part of our schooling and upbringing.
Two influences who would have been strong in my life though would be my aunt and my paternal grandmother.
Just watching something on TV and there's a scene in a church with holy water.
I would still bless myself with holy water.
I don't go to mass.
I actively hate the Catholic church as a result of heinous crimes committed by the church against women and children.
BUT
There is still that lingering indoctrination or 'belief'.
I remember one night when my ex used to beat me up I kept saying the Hail Mary over and over and over again until he fell asleep. He wouldn't hit me while I was praying.
It's a weird thing. I've stopped my dd from going to Catholic church.
Yet, I have a weird faith in holy water and some prayers.

Anyone else similar?

Other things I would do would be to say a prayer if someone on here for example was going through a bad time.

OP posts:
Gilead · 04/10/2019 23:20

Similar to you, I still genuflect too. Don’t go to church, but if going round one in a touristy fashion will always follow protocol.

CilantroChili · 04/10/2019 23:51

I’ll follow protocol if say visiting a cathedral or such. (I might light a candle and think of people who’ve gone, but no prayers)
Same as I would in any particular place - from an embassy to an airport.
I can’t find any semblance of belief now, I find the idea of heaven exhausting.

I’m lapsed as lapsed can be and if I could officially de-catholicise myself, I would do so.

MoltonSilver · 04/10/2019 23:55

I've washed my hands of the whole thing.

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BiMum5 · 04/10/2019 23:58

I went along with the baptisms and confirmations etc for my older kids mainly to avoid confrontation with the In-laws. But I have decided not to confirm my youngest dc, we are going on a nice trip instead.
BUT, and this is possibly TMI, if I am bursting for the loo and only just make it to a toilet, I say a Hail Mary to distract myself until I am safely seated on the loo! In my defense, I've had five kids and the old pelvic floor isn't what it was.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 05/10/2019 00:02

Pretty much just got the Catholic guilt left

I don’t genuflect or bow my head or kneel

I dont pray apart from the ‘oh god please let ds 2 be safe’ type prayer, luckily I haven’t needed to do one of those for a while Hmm

Lagatha · 05/10/2019 00:05

I still know all the words in the service, though haven't attended regularly for 20 years. Had to go for a friend's child baptism. Still know all the words.
I'm an atheist.

Helmlover1 · 05/10/2019 00:06

I’m from a catholic family, I am baptised and went to a catholic school but I’m no longer an ‘active’ catholic, as in I no longer attend church. However I can’t (nor do I necessarily want to) shake my beliefs.

Aurignacian · 05/10/2019 00:07

Culturally still catholic here, but don’t believe in God or go to church. Still like to light a candle and genuflect when appropriate.

Slowchirp · 05/10/2019 00:10

Hate the male hierarchy. Hate the child abuse which has lost the church the majority of its credibility. Hate the "clinging on to power" by the bishops while congregations numbers dwindle and churches close. Hate the sidelining of intelligent women.

Still have faith though. Still attend Mass most weeks. Still pray. Stay a Catholic largely because of the social justice aspects. Got dragged to an all-women prayer group in May &Sept by a friend, where only women said the rosary, and found it to be surprisingly powerful.

He wouldn't hit me while I was praying
LifeonVenus I think that is one of the saddest and most poignant sentences I have read on Mumsnet Sad Flowers

Steelasprey · 05/10/2019 00:20

I only attend mass for funerals I absolutely have to attend (always apologetically too late for wedding services...) and I don’t kneel, bless myself, genuflect or participate in any of the ‘actions’, I really try not to be disrespectful but I just don’t engage- apart from the ‘peace be with you’ hand shaking- that’s a nice tradition imo.
Three DS and none baptised or indoctrinated into faith via school- and we’re Irish living in Ireland so very difficult to avoid catholic primary schools.
I do have a strange nostalgia for the comfort I remember having from my ‘belief’ as a very young child - it was simple and protective and perhaps it might support me now during challenging times but... nope, I don’t believe in god and the CChurch is an evil organisation so no participation from us.

getoutofthatgarden202 · 05/10/2019 00:29

Completely lapsed - have nothing to do with it anymore!! Wouldn't take part in any rituals and don't believe in any of it !!

Will set foot inside the church for funerals only !

Feel slightly annoyed in fact that I was indoctrinated into it without a choice and all those years at catholic school wasted learning nonsense in prep for communion & confirmation!! Lolz

Apileofballyhoo · 05/10/2019 00:33

I don't and haven't gone to Mass regularly for years. Since I was a child I suppose. I don't even go at Christmas now. But I'd like to sometimes.

I find it hard to reconcile going to Mass and counting myself as a member with the way the Catholic Church covered up abuse.

DS isn't baptised and he's nearly a teen. Again, the institution that covered up abuse. Though I don't mind if he wants to get baptised himself.

I do believe in God and I like Mass if I'm at it for an occasion.

I don't put us down as Catholic on the census forms. DS isn't one anyway.

Does anyone go to confession?

Hollyhobbi · 05/10/2019 01:25

There are a lot of lapsed catholics here in Ireland. Most people my age (nearly 50) and all the generations younger than me. My daughters don't even know how to bless themselves! We are more like Italians now in that we attend weddings, funerals and baptisms! And a First Holy Communion or Confirmation if it's a relatives child and we were roped in to be the godparents!! I believe there is something after life and trying to do good or at least not harm people in this life but listening to an old man every Sunday is not the way to get there. I think the last time I was in Confession was maybe 35 years ago! And I don't take Communion if I'm at a Mass or funeral either. I do geneflect though not sure why. And the peace be with you is a nice tradition. More people are having naming ceremonies now for kids and getting married in a registry office or elsewhere is also becoming more usual.

ToLiveInPeace · 05/10/2019 06:38

Lots of Catholic guilt and a lingering fear of going to a hell I don't believe in.

Also, I once went back to a charity shop with extra money as they had undercharged me. The sales assistant looked at me in astonishment and asked if I'd gone to Catholic school.

FurrySlipperBoots · 05/10/2019 06:56

My mum was born and raised a Catholic, terrifying convent school, the works. She started questioning it in her teens and choose theology at university so she could make her own mind up. She's very scathing and eyerolling about the whole thing, but she is drawn to churches (CofE though I'm thinking, as that's what nearly all churches are these days right, here in England?) and although she'd never go to any sort of service she does like to go inside and quietly look around. She's always moaning about 'God' and the mistakes He's currently making, she never mentions the Virgin Mary and only alludes to the various saints in a tongue in cheek sort of way. But she is very defensive of Jesus and wouldn't allow any jokes about him.

AnotherColdTea · 05/10/2019 07:52

Lots of Catholic guilt and a lingering fear of going to a hell I don't believe in

Same.

Camomila · 05/10/2019 09:06

Feel a bit cheeky commenting as I'm still a practising Catholic but it's very interesting the bits that people still do/remember.

I also say reassuring hail marys in my head if I've had a bad dream or am somewhere spooky. Always pray on planes too (don't like flying).
My gran recited the rosary when she was dying, which was lovely because she seemed so much more peaceful (the few days before there had been lots of confused groans :( )

I disagree with the church on most social teachings though, and I'm not sure I believe in hell. My position as a parent if DS asks is "well I believe this, but nobody really knows, some people think that..." (He's not asked any probing theological questions yet, he associates mass with getting a jammy dodger in the hall afterwards. I tried to explain death once at a grave yard but he was more interested in picking up pebbles)

sashh · 05/10/2019 09:31

I'm so atheist I make Dawkins look like a church apologist.

I was brought up more, or less, lapsed.We were in RC schools to start with but then moved house so went to the village school for 3 years.

We moved again and I was back in an RC school which was OK until I went into what is now year 6 and I was preparing for confirmation and remarked I'd not made my first communion (other than an accidental incident when staying with my grandparents).

So my first communion was a non event at an evening mass. I then went toa girls' school run by the sisters of mercy - that finished things off for me.

My parents started going to church again many years after I left home, my brother believes and goes to mass every Sunday.

My mum was a convert so quite a lot of the family are not RC, it's not unknown for someone to inadvertently take communion.

The only RC 'thing' I still do is to get the jokes, I suppose it is culture. If spo,epme ,takes a comment about St Jude or St Anthony I know why they are saying that name.
Oh and I make sure I ear meat on Xmas eve.I don't celebrate Xmas, my one concession is eating meat and I don't know if it is still a day of abstinence.

WeShouldOpenABar · 05/10/2019 09:38

I'm definitely not practicing but still bless myself if a hearse goes by, mark of respect more than a prayer.
I ask St Anthony for help finding things but I think of the saints as universal helpers and don't really think of them as religious.
DS is christened for school purposes but it really was a last resort and I'm upset at my own hypocrisy in doing it, he will never attend church or make his communion etc

catwithnohat · 05/10/2019 09:51

Haven't been to Mass in years, was educated by nuns (good memories, never badly treated ever). These days the only reason for going to church is for funerals!

As I get older though its a little source of comfort to think that there is something beyond this life and occasionally still say a Hail Mary.

cherrytree63 · 05/10/2019 09:58

Very lapsed. My Dad converted to Catholicism to marry my Mum, who came from a large and very religious Irish family. One of her brothers was a priest.
My Dad didn't approve of forcing religion on children, and I was always a bit confused as me and my 5 brothers were dragged to church and catechism while our Dad stayed at home.
I stopped going to church when my mum died, I was 10, and angry with God for taking someone who'd worshipped him all her life.
I remember my Mum breaking down because she'd been on a vigil to Lourdes and it hadn't cured her breast cancer.
When my children were younger I took them to the Christingle in an effort to teach them Christmas wasn't all about presents and the latest toys.
I'd like to have a faith now, and the community that comes from it, but don't know where to start.
I carry the guilt!
At Christmas I go to the Carol service at the village C of E church.

cherrytree63 · 05/10/2019 10:01

Also my Dad put his foot down and refused to let me go to a Catholic church as all my brothers were beaten at school.
One of my brothers got in a lot of trouble for sending hate mail to one of the priests and another for smashing a huge stained glass window.

AfterSomeAdvice1234 · 05/10/2019 10:07

Raised Catholic, Catholic family on both sides. Still attend Mass with them at Easter, Christmas etc. Cannot convince myself to believe fully but truly believe in the community of a parish, so now attend a Unitarian Church which works for me.

GummiberryJuice · 05/10/2019 10:13

@Lagatha How old is friends dc? They've changed some of the words in more recent years (about 8 or 9 years ago) as I still get them wrong although I don't go to mass but my youngest is in first confession year and I go to all the school organised masses and have to mumble through parts of prayers that I used to know by heart, the responses to The Lord be with you have changed, always catch me out.
Funny like others still find comfort in prayer when feeling a bit stressed.

PeppaPigBaconSarnie · 05/10/2019 10:17

Raised Catholic.
Schooling, both Primary and High school.

Was taken to Church every Sunday.

Now I don't believe a work of it. Hate the church, stand against indoctrination and support the segregation of education and religion.

I HATE attending church for Weddings etc.
It's like being sat in a cult meeting. Everyone repeating stuff and drinking blood.

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