If you were raised Catholic and are lapsed, how lapsed are you exactly?

[LifeonVenus]

I was baptised and reared Catholic.
It was just part of our schooling and upbringing.
Two influences who would have been strong in my life though would be my aunt and my paternal grandmother.
Just watching something on TV and there's a scene in a church with holy water.
I would still bless myself with holy water.
I don't go to mass.
I actively hate the Catholic church as a result of heinous crimes committed by the church against women and children.
BUT
There is still that lingering indoctrination or 'belief'.
I remember one night when my ex used to beat me up I kept saying the Hail Mary over and over and over again until he fell asleep. He wouldn't hit me while I was praying.
It's a weird thing. I've stopped my dd from going to Catholic church.
Yet, I have a weird faith in holy water and some prayers.

Anyone else similar?

Other things I would do would be to say a prayer if someone on here for example was going through a bad time.

Raised Catholic. Baptised at 8 days old. Catholic school until 18 - first confession and communion in infant school and confirmation at 14. Sang in the church choir until I went to university. Big nuptial Mass when I got married.

I went regularly to Mass enjoying the sense of community and the comfort of the old hymns and rituals. A couple of years ago our old priest retired and was replaced by a priest who preached hard line old school Catholicism. Constant reminders of hell and damnation chipped away at my faith. The final straw came last year when my mum was dying and refused her morphine as she felt that suffering on earth would reduce her time in purgatory.

The last time I went to Mass was for her funeral.

Raised Catholic, baptised, confirmed .

I realised I was a lesbian at age 16 and spent ten years terrified I was going to hell for it , sleepless nights and all sorts .

I haven’t gone to mass since my grandfather’s funeral last year as I’m scared I wouldn’t be welcomed any more and that I’d be lying to everyone by not admitting that I’m gay .

I do still have a lot of crosses and three rosaries, and a purple book called I am With You which I always try to keep at hand . But my overwhelming feeling from church has always been fear and guilt and sadness for some reason .

My gran is devoutly Catholic though with paintings of Jesus, pictures of the Pope, statues etc - my mum is also very catholic, but less ‘judgy’ .

I don't believe in God. I still believe in redemption through works -- as in, I think it matters what you do.

The habits of visiting the sick, giving to the poor, the community of the parish, understanding and making real that we're all part of one thing and what we owe to each other, are all things I'm not willing to give up (and are not exclusive to Catholicism anyway). The idea of forgiveness being both possible and a universal need, that one I think we could do with, you know?

In times of enormous struggle I have been comforted and strengthened by the idea of sacrifice as an elevating experience. That is not very popular or modern but it helped me.

So, some of the philosophy, none of the woo, is the answer I suppose.

It's all ritualistic crap so I don't hold on to any of it. Being in church for occasions, I'm struck by how creepy the services are. I was fuming at my grandma's funeral, the things the priest was spouting about her were disrespectful and downright disturbing. From that moment on, I realised I didn't owe respect where it wasn't due anymore.

I'm now an atheist, and don't believe in any of it. If I go to church, eg for a wedding or funeral, I'm polite but I don't join in the prayers or responses. I do join in the hymns as I like them! I don't go up for communion or a blessing.

I still remember all the prayers though, even my school prayer from 20 years ago!

Interesting responses. Yes, I very much carry the Catholic guilt - particularly around sex - which leads to all sorts of fucked-up-ness.
I feel close to the Virgin Mary I think.
There was an article last week I think saying that Ireland had voted the Hail Mary its favourite prayer. Some of the comments were priceless. I think one was 'The Our Father is gonna be pissed'. Lol.

Dara O'Briain says being an atheist doesn't stop you being a Catholic, it just makes you a bad Catholic!

I had the full-on Catholic upbringing with convent school and everything.

I now describe myself as an anti-theist because I think all religion is poisonous bullshit. Catholicism is despicable misogynistic bigoted hateful bollocks. I am not afraid to tell it exactly like it is, especially to Catholic priests.

Keep religion out of schools and politics. Believe in whatever you want, including the tooth fairy. I'll have no part in any of it.

How lapsed? Horns, a tail, a fondness for big forks ... I agree that the guilt thing is impossible to shake off.

My son is not baptised but went to a catholic primary and is now at a catholic high school. Just my preferred schools, was not prepared to baptise him just to get in. Do not attent mass regularly, but if I do, I do not receive holy communion. I still know the prayers and how to genuflect.

ssash I had the misfortune to be educated by Little Sisters of Mercy too at prep school so I understand where you are coming from. Let's just say they were misnamed! Some of them, in the seventies at least, should never have been near small children!

Sad to say, that when I I have had occasion to turn to a priest (not often, perhaps for a couple of weddings and funerals etc) they have been found to be woefully lacking. One doesn't expect them to be super-human of course but very often, with notable exceptions, they seem to be lacking in perception, sensitivity, humility and basic human kindness.

Having said all of that, very occasionally, I go to an event at church - like a pancake evening - where every class, age and many different nationalities are represented, and I think "this is what it is all about" . It's not often I get that feeling though.

@GummiberryJuice
There were small changes but the order and majority of the responses seemed the same.
I just can't believe it all came back

Oh yes, the guilt, I'm still riddled with the guilt. I'm of Jewish descent on the other side of my family so got a double dose of that.

I don't believe in any of the woo, and I loathe the church for covering up the seemingly endemic child abuse and the way they treat women. I do like the idea of redemption and forgiveness though, that's a good ethos.

A while ago I wondered into a church for a look around only to discover they were about to start mass. I didn't want to be rude, so I sat through it - it was awful. Not at all how I remembered it. No bells or smells, and some bearded weirdo with a guitar accompanying the hymns instead of a choir and organist.

I’m very lapsed, in fact I think I’m excommunicated because I’m divorced and remarried. I think that’s automatic excommunication.

I’m Irish, went to an all-girls convent school, the whole shebang. I baptised DD (now 18) when she was a baby and for secondary I sent her to the same school I went to myself (because it suited her) but never really brought her to mass or anything. She did religion in primary school and I used to tell her that the creationism side wasn’t true. I’m fine with all the “love each other” stuff.

My younger DC are 5 and 3 and I haven’t baptised them. I’ll still go into a church or attend a mass occasionally. It’s part of the fabric of society here in Ireland, it’s hard to avoid it completely.

But that said, it has no power over me.

Very lapsed but like you, OP, still prone to crossing myself in times of trouble and still mutter prayers under my breath in support of others in times of need.

However, I suspect if I walked into a church now, all the statues would get up and walk out

Daughter of a lapsed Catholic here.
My dad gave it up before I was born
The rc church wouldn’t let them have flowers and hymns because mum was c of e so they married in a beautiful c of e church
I was raised a bit irreligious really. I’m glad I didn’t have any of it pushed down my throat although I did convert to Islam thirty years ago.
I now tend to do my own thing

I’m married to a very well lapsed Catholic man.where I would’ve got married in a church, he definitely didn’t want to

Churches and abbeys were often built on powerful earth energy lines
So regardless of your religious beliefs could be a reason why you are drawn to them to sit in peaceful solitutde
Often a very powerful spot can be down by the altar

If you believe in human beings being balls of energy and that thoughts can be powerful then prayers wishing for a persons good health can be a powerful thing to do. It’s sending them some strong positive energy . So if more people do this. You don’t have to believe or pray to god to do this.
I believe we can all tap into this cosmic consciousness.

May I’m not sure if that’s excommunication-able ... my gran got divorced and remarried a few years ago , the second marriage wasn’t in a Catholic Church but certainly they were-are full members of the church still .. Granda did stuff with parish council, SVDP etc . The priest still comes round every week or so for his bread and cheese with my gran .

I can’t remember how it was made OK though , I’ve never asked my gran . I know of other relatives who have remained for years and years in utterly horrendous relationships including coercive control etc, feeling that they must not walk away . Very, very sad .

I am lapsed insofar as being atheist. I hold the Catholic Church in utter contempt.

Grew up a catholic, went to catholic schools, confession every Saturday, mass every Sunday, brother was an alter boy (my genitalia disqualified me), the lot.

Looking back, I always had doubts. I stopped going to mass when I was 15, which resulted in big family rows. I’m now ad lapsed as it gets. I am a complete atheist and I have had zero contact with the Catholic Church for over 30 years.

Lapsed Catholics wife here.

The guilt is something that goes so deep. Also not talking openly about stuff? Is it me? His family, it's like being married into the secret service. The lack of communication and openness is shocking imo.

Quite lapsed. Haven't attended mass in years and when I have rational conversations about what is i do believe I know that most of it is more metaphysical and contrary to dogma.

Had this conversation with two other lapsed catholics about how we feel we are still "culturally catholic" in that there is sentiment and nostalgia there associated to stuff like the nativity and hymn singing and milestones but no actual belief or desire to attend church.

There is a bit that stays I think, and the guilt of course.

I'm now not just an atheist but am an anti theist.

As a Muslim this has been interesting to read as I don't know much about catholicism. Can i ask when/how you genuflect?

I love a Mass, but I just can't manage to convince myself that any of it is true. Ds keeps trying to get me in line and go back to it, but without belief, it's pointless and I don't like being near other people.

I was brought up in a very big Catholic family. I just never believed any of it, ever. It just seemed a bit daft to me. The idea of a loving god creating a hell for those who didn't believe in him, was just crazy to me. The idea of a god who wanted to be worshipped was weird, too - when I first read and saw Gilderoy Lockhart he reminded me of the way people thought of god.

The thing is really though that being a Catholic (IMO) was just about the faith - if you believed in it all, you were a Catholic. It had absolutely nothing to do with actions. For me, actions are everything.

Has anyone here seen the movie "Liam" directed by Stephen Frears? The Catholic education prior to first communion was identical in my school - it was as though Jimmy McGovern (who wrote it) was sitting next to me in class. Those teachers must have all been taught the same way - the things the nuns and priests said in that film were word for word what was said to me at school.