If you were raised Catholic and are lapsed, how lapsed are you exactly?

[LifeonVenus]

I was baptised and reared Catholic.
It was just part of our schooling and upbringing.
Two influences who would have been strong in my life though would be my aunt and my paternal grandmother.
Just watching something on TV and there's a scene in a church with holy water.
I would still bless myself with holy water.
I don't go to mass.
I actively hate the Catholic church as a result of heinous crimes committed by the church against women and children.
BUT
There is still that lingering indoctrination or 'belief'.
I remember one night when my ex used to beat me up I kept saying the Hail Mary over and over and over again until he fell asleep. He wouldn't hit me while I was praying.
It's a weird thing. I've stopped my dd from going to Catholic church.
Yet, I have a weird faith in holy water and some prayers.

Anyone else similar?

Other things I would do would be to say a prayer if someone on here for example was going through a bad time.

Such an interesting thread.
I was raised in a very strict Catholic family. I then started having premarital sex and slowly but surely stepped away from the church as such. I completely agree that good old Catholic guilt never leaves me. Not because of sex, obviously, just in general.
I still believe in God though and pray. I don’t do anything institutionalised.

Also to the pp who mentioned me praying while the ex was on a rampage. He too was Catholic and probably moreso than me. I just kept saying the Hail Mary over and over and over in a low voice and he wouldn't touch me. He did tear apart a rosary beads my grandmother had given me on another occasion - so he's selective. He just seemed frightened to hit me while I was praying.

I was a Catholic from birth, baptised at 6 days old. Went to Catholic school all the way through. Did a gap year in India volunteering with the missionaries of charity (mother Teresa started them) and seriously, seriously considered joining them. Carried on traveling after I left the convent, stopped going to church for a while, had a fantastic time traveling, but felt guilty a lot, especially after I slept with my boyfriend and fell pregnant before marriage. But at that time, I started going to church again, and was welcomed back with open arms, nobody seemed to hold it against me that I was an unmarried mother (I'd confessed my sins and been forgiven after all). It felt like coming home. I was devout for quite some time, running children's liturgy, doing readings, etc.

I lapsed when I had a run of bad experiences, happening to my friends, family and me. I had a proper crisis of faith, and realised that nobody had ever been able to give me a satisfactory answer to the question of how a loving father (God) could allow such bad things to happen to good people that he is supposed to love. People kept telling me that God has a plan, but for me either his plan is shit and I don't want a part in it, or he doesn't love us as much as he's supposed to, or he's not omnipotent or omnipresent, or he doesn't exist. Any of those options lead me to rejecting the faith I'd had my entire life. I stopped believing entirely. I haven't been into a Catholic church for 6 years now. I do sometimes go to a c of e service, but that's for school or brownie events, not because I choose to go to church.

I miss the sense of community and belonging. I also miss how calm I felt after mass. But none of that is enough to make me believe. I don't believe in God anymore so I would be a complete hypocrite to go to church just for the community.

Totally lapsed and no intention of ever going near a Catholic Church again. The Catholic junior school was horrific, teaching 5 year olds about dying for your faith and explaining how martyrs died, I'm told I was waking up screaming. Secondary school not so intense but mostly spiteful and cruel nuns.

I walked away the minute I could, probably about 15.

This is a very interesting thread. I went to a catholic funeral service (day before the funeral in the evening) on behalf of my DH who was working nights. Now I'm CofE (lapsed) but I've never been to a service like that. I felt totally out of place with the chanting and so forth. I can't put my finger on it but my DH asked how it went and I told him I thought the whole thing was bloody weird (sorry 😞)

I only go to church when need to (funeral, weddings ect)
Still bless myself out of habit when someone dies.
I don't believe in God but always have the 'what if?' Question lurking at the back of my mind.
Same as i still get freaked out by horror movies with possessions ect with the 'what if?"

It is weird actually as I am 99% sure there is no higher power but I have this 1% that I cannot shake off. To this day I would never mess with tarots, ouija boards ect just incase I summons some horrible little demon. Even though logically I know it is not possible, it has been indoctrinated in me.

Although I haven't been to mass for a long time, I always prayed seriously every day of my life until March last year.
My life completely fell apart, I lost so much through bereavement and everything else. Been left alone and broke a lot of the time. I stopped praying after this as everything just felt so pointless as I'd prayed all the way through but I just wasn't strong enough to deal with it and went through so much trauma. Compounded by issues at work this year and being unwell (quite seriously it turns out)
The last few weeks I have thought about contacting my local priest for my own peace of mind though but I don't think I could get the comfort from faith that I used to after even God deserted me. I lost everything and that included my faith and I'm not sure sure if I'll ever get that back.
But like PPs, will always follow protocol in a place of religious worship regardless. Few years ago I travelled to the Middle East and I swear I could actually feel my simple faith grow there. I thought that had cemented it but I feel like I can hardly remember it now.

Stopped going to mass when the priest told me that children weren’t allowed in the main part of the church. Only the back bit where there’s no seating. I changed my church and when I mentioned which church it was, they knew exactly as the priest has a reputation. Dds were both baptised there, but the other church was miles away, so stopped going.

Yy to still knowing the service and prayers.

My dds think religion is made up (smart kids) ‘can’t believe in something you can’t see’.

Totally lapsed, no guilt at all. Go to mass for funerals only - can't believe that people can really believe the bollocks. Surprised how many of family older ones do still identify as Catholic so religious upbringings are hard to shake off.

But, I do get that feeling of familiarity with it all. Knowing the rituals, loving incense etc.

What is the guilt?
What do you feel guilty for?

why the guilt?

Because for much of your young life everything naughty you do has to be confessed to a man who then gives you prayers to say to make up for it

And feeling bad about your actions remains

The guilt is from being a sinner! But the worst sins I confessed at my first confession at the age of 7 were fighting with my sisters and using a bad word!!

Slowchirp

I was once in a pub getting a drink and carrying on a conversation with a friend about school. The barmaid was Irish and when she heard the 'sister of mercy' phrase she called me a 'poor wee thing' and wouldn't let me pay.

cardamoncoffee

Genuflection Is going down on one knee and sometimes on both knees - like a traditional proposal.

In church it is generally done as you enter the pew and then during the mass. This is why some churches have a padded kneeling on bench that probably has a proper name or in some places a cushion.

Sometimes you have do it to the altar.

If mass is said outside a church (it can be said anywhere, inside or out) you generally stand instead of kneeling.

YOu might be surprised how much stand up, sit down, kneel there is in an RC church.

sashh . I love that!

Namechange totally agree with Talbot and I am sure some enlightened priests would too! Last time I went to confession and did it by the book, a very nice gentle Dominican monk told me to "chill"

My gran did our catechism and wrote us out long lists of what we did wrong for confession ... sister still has her’s, written when she was 9 or so,

‘... I try to be a good girl and share my toys and help my mummy but sometimes I am bad , I am selfish, I don’t share, I am rude to other people, I upset mummy ...’

She was diagnosed with severe autism a couple of years later . Hurts to think that she was encouraged to ‘confess’ the behaviours that come with being autistic (if that makes sense) .

I always remember being particularly upset age 17/18 when Jade Goody died , and I asked my gran if she would go to heaven . My gran said absolutely not, hell exists for a reason . I couldn’t understand why my gran would believe a loving God would continue to punish a woman who had suffered so horrendously already .

I’ve had nightmares over hell since I was about 5 years old, not helped by the fact that my grandparents firmly believed in the idea of an actual devil and eternal punishment/pain if you didn’t die in a state of grace .

Catholic primary
Month in convent when 16 to see if my calling was real
Now teach Religious Studies from a position of no faith and my students are taught to analyse and question everything especially codified belief systems (like Catholicism)

What is the guilt?
What do you feel guilty for?

All sorts of things - weirdly, nothing to with sex which would seem the obvious one, but all sorts of other things.

An example, a few nights ago it was raining. I was l tucked up in bed feeling all warm and cosy listening to the rain, then I remembered homeless people had to sleep out it in so immediately felt guilty because I was more fortunate.

why the guilt?

Because for much of your young life everything naughty you do has to be confessed to a man who then gives you prayers to say to make up for it

And because most people start this at about age 7, sometimes younger half the time you can't think of anything so you make it up, and then feel guilty about that.

Thangs I was taught at school, OK so nobody is worshiping a golden calf, but if you care about your football team / favorite TV show / chocolate cake this is worshiping a false god.

Sex, if you are not married and if the sex doesn't leave you, 'open for conception' you must feel guilty.

If you are in pain, "offer it up to god, don't take a pain killer"

Looking in the mirror too long, check you race isn't dirty and your hair is combed and that's enough.

Eating meat, but only on certain days, not fasting, but only on certain days. Our school cooks were not RC, so when they forgot it was a day of abstinence and cooked meat the head had to telephone the bishop to get dispensation for us to eat it.

Oh and the time someone brought in a copy of a book published by the Jehovah's Witnesses - wow I think people were in confession for weeks for just looking at it.

A tiny number of RCs use self flagellation, that adds a whole new layer of guilt, have you beaten your self enough? Have you done it too much?

The obsession with sex as a sin is so damaging.

The fact that Jesus was conceived without anyone actually having sex - and the adoration of the Virgin Mary !!!!!

I went to confession at about 11/12 don’t remember exactly but id stopped going to church before 13 so before that

He was a lovely old father in his 80’s and apart from the usual lying I couldn’t really say what i needed to confess so i said i didnt want to share my sweets

And he said sharing was very hard and he didnt like sharing his sweets either and gave me some hail marys to say and he was so lovely that i cried

And im an awful cryer..red face and snot and everything and my mum made me stay in the church til my face calmed down which took ages

Cos my mum came out from confession crying once and my dad had to be held back so christ knows what he’d have done about his upset daughter

happy days

(My dad was and is a very gentle man in both senses of the word so he would not have lamped an 80 year old, but there might have been some yelling)

The priest was quite a character...he joined the priesthood in his late 60s early 70’s after being married and left in his 80’s...to get married