Massive parenting fail

[MonstranceClock]

I got called into school today because my 5 year old called her teacher “lame”.

Turns out 2 weeks ago while I was bed bound sick, she had binge watched an entire series of South Park on Netflix. Luckily teacher saw the funny side but I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! Any one else want to cheer me up with their parenting fails?!

My DC is 9 so atm she knows better than to swear, if anything slips out then she apologises instantly.

But when she was around two and I was carrying her off the bus she repeatedly said the word shit along the length of the bus. Shit,shit,shit,shit,shit.

DH has a series of "Life is Good" outdoorsy t shirts. As a joke I bought him a "Life is crap" t shirt years before having the kids.

10 yo DD was upset the other day, lay backwards on the floor and said "life is crap". I'm horrified! Where did you learn that word???? It's on Daddy's t shirt!

Both my two got told off for using the word "bloody" in nursery - oooops!

I’ve had it with all three

Eldest at three: in the car and a hire car pulls out in front so I muttered. Voice pipes up ‘is that them fucking tourists mum’

Middle at four: beeping the horn in a narrow country lane before going around a blind bend ‘what the fuck was that mum?’

And my youngest. Who is just turned four. On FaceTime to my straightlaced parents : on being told they weren’t flying over to visit ‘for fucks sake grandad’

Yeah. I need to curb my language

When DD was 5, she was sat happily playing in the bath. Then, all of a sudden she started saying "fuck, fuck, fuck" over and over again.

I said "that's not a nice thing to say, where did you learn that word?" She pointed at my FCUK wash bag opposite her!

Then had to stifle goggles when we practiced our rhyming words. You can guess what word rhymed with duck!

Like the in one I was in the supermarket with mine. Youngest was one and in the trolley trying to grab everything. Middle was being directed away from all the glass bottles and eldest was rolling her eyes as I was choosing a bottle of wine

So eldest pipes up ‘you know mum, alcohol is bad for you and you really shouldn’t drink it ‘

To which I did reply ‘I have three kids. I like alcohol’. Woman further up snorted and I beat a hasty retreat sans wine

DC1 - 2.5, Christmas Day - “where’s my fucking broccoli?” ExFIL was filming us at the time and cracks it out every year She’s now 11 and doesn’t swear.

DC2 - 5 - when my Mum (who I was VLC with at the time, this was the last straw and I’ve been NC for years now) said the N word when we walked past a poster of Black History Month - “You’re a horrible twat” To be fair she wasn’t wrong (she has ADHD and therefore NO filter).

DC3 - 3 - FaceTiming my DBro and his new Chamelon “What the fuck is that?”

Had to slam the brakes on once at a roundabout. DS, who must have been 7 or 8 at the time, yelled (at the driver), "You piece of shit!" from the back seat. We were both gobsmacked! My language isn't great, but I've never said that in front of him, so no idea where he got it from!