Massive parenting fail

[MonstranceClock]

I got called into school today because my 5 year old called her teacher “lame”.

Turns out 2 weeks ago while I was bed bound sick, she had binge watched an entire series of South Park on Netflix. Luckily teacher saw the funny side but I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! Any one else want to cheer me up with their parenting fails?!

My 3yo shouted to a newborn on a packed train to 'shut the fuck up baby, so annoying!'

He tried to grab the cat to wrap a skipping rip around its neck as a lead. Cat scratched him and legged it. Cue pissed off toddler running from the hall to the lounge screaming 'stupid fucking cat! You bastard cat'

Small child fell off a bike and my lovely, caring son said 'oh god, what a nobhead, get up idiot'

He also regularly walks into a room and asks whoever is in there what the fuck they're doing.

Taxi driver brakes hard to avoid crashing and 3yo yelled 'fucking careful!!! Shit drivers'

I see a future full of meetings, appointments and stern looks from teachers for me

I remember one of my brothers screaming “nonce!” At my dad in a middle of an argument in Asda when he was about 4

Just remembered the time I told DS to get his coat on shoes on, he looked out of the window and said 'fuck that' and went and got a blanket and made himself comfy on the sofa. We didn't end up going out, we ordered take away and a Tesco delivery for the next day. DS was right, fuck that.

A work colleagues young son had an elderly gentleman visit his class at primary school to show the kids his vintage coin collection. Her son came home afterwards and announced that Mr Jones had been into school today and shown all the kids his old penis.....
(we believe that should have been pennies)

@Mitebiteatnite 😂😂

My ds then 4 shluited and pointed at a lady ‘look at that SLAG!’

What he was actually pointing at was some bunting hanging behind her and his speech issues meant he pronounced ‘f’ as ‘s’
She was not impressed
He Said some worse things too but can’t post those as very offensive (unintentionally)

*shouted

My brother was outside mowing the lawn with his daughter, she came in and my dad, asked her what she'd been doing 'trying to fix the fucking lawn mower' was her response. Then about an hour later we were sat waiting for lunch when her sister pipes up with 'mum when's fucking dinner going to be ready'

Laughing so much at these. Especially the one who called his dad a nonce in Asda!

Remember my son when he was about 7 pumping up a tyre on his bike and turning to his friend saying 'that's well fucking hard now' !!

Two things my 3 year old son has come out with;

When having a poo, it's now 'mummy I've done a turd'

On seeing a child smack another in Sainsbury's 'he's an arsehole mummy' (that's his dad, I don't use the word arsehole )

@Mitebiteatnite fuck off sue has me howling 😂😂😂

My DD used to say 'dumb fuck' when she was learning to speak - she was actually saying dump truck. Very embarrassing when we were out and about!

@NigesFakeWalkingStick imagine me then, at work trying to be professional and not wet myself laughing. All I wanted to say was 'you fucking tell her Jim'

Oh just remember another one!

We had a little 2 year old boy whose speech was fantastic for his age. One day he strolled in, pulled his trouser leg up and shouted 'look at my crap socks everyone'.

They had crabs on them

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup

Your daughter is allowed to stamp on snails in the garden? Seriously?

Some of these are hilarious but that's just horrible.

@AdelaideK

Agreed. That doesn't sit well with me at all.

Yes I was at the snails too - most people would be really horrified so it is pretty terrible to teach a small dc that this is a normal thing!

I had to an emergency stop when another driver pulled out from the side of the road and I may have said a few words, dd2 then about 6 piped up "you shouldn't use those words in front of me" from the back seat😊

It was only later I thought about how she knew those words!

I forget my kids are in the back seat when I'm driving, someone cut in front of me unexpectedly recently, slammed the breaks down. My 4 year old from the back "urgh! Fucking turd!" 🤣

And my toddler regularly mutters to herself "oh bloody hell!" If I'm not responding quick enough lol

So the other night we had DS3 (18 months) in with us cause he wasnt sleeping, at 6am DS1 (4 yr old) creeps into the room, goes over to DS3 and whispers "can you say tough titties?" Decided rather than telling him off, id pretend to be asleep trying not to giggle, while listening to them for 5 minutes lol!!! FYI - DS3 can say tough titties!!!

I use to regularly swear and when I had DS thought I was doing pretty good and was smug right up till, one day, we got to a roundabout and I had to stop and from the back seat I heard "that is what fucking indicators are for."

Stopped being so smug

Mummy, why is gin so expensive these days?'

This has just reminded me, during the summer holidays DS told nana that we had spent days at the pub, we spent 2 hours in one pub and when I said this to my mum (nana) she went onto explain that I said this to her mum when I was DS' age and karma is a bitch

Pre dc I was at my brothers house having a coffee with sil in the kitchen. 3yr old D nephew came in and asked “ is it teatime yet?” Sil replied not yet and he sighed “oh for fucks sake” and walked out again

These are hilarious.

We were at a relative's house and 4yo kept asking to go to the toilet but then not doing anything.I said not to worry and we can try again later. As she got up, she said calmly, Mummy, are you going to say fuckin 'ell?? 🤭

Haha these are funny. Apart from the one post. NorthBich it’s not funny when your kid is swearing and name calling ALL the time. I hope you’re going to set him right before he starts nursery otherwise he will THAT kid who is always in trouble and none of the other parents want their child mixing with.