Most batshit conversations you've had recently.

[highheelsandbobblehats]

Inspired by a conversation I had at work today, tell me the most batshit things you've heard recently.

Mine was.

Colleague (in her 30s): They speak Spanish in Italy don't they?

Me: (momentarily stunned). They speak Italian in Italy...

How?!?!

”so if I measure round the top of this cube, will the bottom of the cube be different measurements?”

blinks

I work in HR and today an employee came in complaining that the road she walks to work on is over grown with trees and she can't walk on it.
I suggested she ring the council. She said she wants the company to ring as she can't get to work because the road is overgrown so it's the company's problem.

The road in question is the main road in front of the building which I drive on every day. It is a busy road with footpaths on both sides full of people walking so I don't know ........

DS aged 12: "you know in that wee splat event in the athletics how do they learn to do that?"
Me: "err what?"
Lots of confusing babble from DS later it turns out he meant pole vaulting!

Bear in mind I’ve just given my details as “Mrs”

“Have you had any other names?”.

I pointed out that dogs don’t understand English and have no idea about what time out is about or understand what your saying to them until you tell them what the word means.

But no.... if she picks the dog up by its collar and shouts at it. It does understand what she is saying.
There should be a test for stupid before your allowed to get a dog.
I did point out that she didn’t understand what the dog was saying when it barks but that is different apparently

Years ago when trams first started running through the local town center I overheard talking about what would happen to all the dead birds that landed on the wire (because they would get electrocuted. )
Apparently the concept of earthing did not occur to them

Bear in mind I’ve just given my details as “Mrs”

“Have you had any other names?”

Why is that weird? If you keep your own name after marriage are you not a Mrs?

*Bear in mind I’ve just given my details as “Mrs”

“Have you had any other names?”*

You could at some point changed your name without being married, you may have been married before, you may not have changed your name on marriage etc etc. Not a strange question I dont think.

Talking to Year 7 about where Spanish is spoken round the world. Little lad with a wise look: ‘Portugal, Miss’. Er, ok.

Explaining to a different Year 7 that marron is invariable, as are other colours which are also food. I was explaining what edible chestnuts are, there are multiple trees at the back of school. Little one pipes up ‘You mean hazelnuts, Miss’. Convinced, he was. Noisette was the next colour we learnt! I’ve got a chestnut in my bag to show them tomorrow.

Trying to organise a meeting, I email relevant people suggesting Tuesday 29 October. I get a reply 'sorry I can't do Wednesdays'.

Department A send me a document for checking. I reply saying, please change one word to something else. Two weeks later, I'm told by department A in a sarky tone that they don't know which document I mean and it would be helpful if I attach the document I with amendment using tracked changes.

One of my parents has a slightly dodgy/sneaky sibling but it’s all ignored by everyone. Parent told me that If grandparent was to drop dead in my company I was to gather up their bank cards and jewellery/cash etc incase dodgy relative got in before anyone else and got a bit lightfingered!

Yes, sure and then the whole family can all accuse me of exactly what they are trying to prevent! No thanks.

Someone from another department at work, asking how much it costs to buy a child's pony and how much to feed it. Transpired she felt riding lessons are overpriced and she was considering buying her dc one for Xmas. Because of course if you have no experience whatsoever and want to cut costs it's always a cracking idea to buy kids a pony.

Someone expressing surprise that I'm more of a crisps/ poppadoms and dip person than houmous and veg like them, because the former are apparently more of a working class snack.

Omg a snacks class system... is caviar on a blini at one end and pork scratching at the other 😂🤣😂🤣

@TrainspottingWelsh a friend of mine took kids to a party where there were scotch eggs and one of them asked if they could have 'one of those falafels mummy' - working class pit village, not much falafel went on outside their house.

Yes, apparently so, I had to bite my lip to stop myself retorting with faux surprise they considered themselves to have any form of class. I settled for replying that my copy of Debretts must be missing a page.

milk dd once asked me why her friends mum kept so much horse feed in the kitchen cupboard. We aren't really a cereal or lentils household, so dd naturally assumed it was straights for mixing her own horse feeds up, rather than human food.

A lady in the office thought reindeers were mythical creatures that didn't actually exist...

My very intelligent college said “I didn’t know cabbage was red I thought it was dyed”.

Discussing prosthetics with my year 6 class and why it might be necessary for a surgeon to amputate a limb and one of the brighter kids in my class asks 'Doesn't it grow back?' - no, humans have not yet developed the ability to re-grow missing limbs

Debating with my DP whether, if I had been wearing his FitBit on our 22k walk around Rome one day on holiday last month, it would have shown a longer distance, since my legs are shorter than his....

We were several glasses of wine in, by this point, but still...

Last year, discussing a Halloween walk, I say that there's one on the evening of Halloween and one on the Saturday following. Boyfriend : "what date is the first one?"

My son once walked into my bedroom while I was watching tv
Him-mum?
Me-yes son
Him-where’s my arm?
Me-er points there!
Him-looks down oh yeah!i thought I’d lost it walks off
Me-what the fuck just happened there????

Overheard in a petshop:
Person A: "Oh look, they have cat milk, we should get some."
Person B: "Oh God, that's cruel!"
A: "What do you mean?"
B: "Well, think about it, all those poor cats in a factory being milked."

Yesterday my DD gave me a very in depth description of her afternoon. They build ladders,event up on the roof and jumped down the chimney. Afterwards they washed their uniform so it was nice and clean.
The school doesn't have a chimney and there were remnants of lunch of the uniform.