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Original poster

Most batshit conversations you've had recently.

94 replies

highheelsandbobblehats · 01/10/2019 17:54

Inspired by a conversation I had at work today, tell me the most batshit things you've heard recently.

Mine was.

Colleague (in her 30s): They speak Spanish in Italy don't they?

Me: (momentarily stunned). They speak Italian in Italy...

How?!?!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 02/10/2019 11:45

Talking to DD1 when she was aged 14, I was expecting DD3 and DD1 says ‘I think mum you have girls because your left handed and your right womb is dominant’
Me: Confused
DD1: yeah we learnt it in science, your right womb has girls and your left womb has boys
Me: women normally only have one womb
DD1: but science teacher said...
Me: go and double check with your science teacher tomorrow and get back to me

Child returned the following day to confirm I was correct. Apparently she’d zoned out during that lesson! She is a bright kid... I swear. The teacher apparently didn’t let DD1 live that one down.

sueelleker · 02/10/2019 12:04

Overheard in a petshop:
Person A: "Oh look, they have cat milk, we should get some."
Person B: "Oh God, that's cruel!"
A: "What do you mean?"
B: "Well, think about it, all those poor cats in a factory being milked."
When working PT in Asda, a couple of teenage boys asked me if we had pigeon milk; still not sure if they were joking, or looking for milk for pigeons.

Nonstopbuttmachine · 02/10/2019 12:18

'I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?' GrinGrinGrin

GaudyNight · 02/10/2019 12:32

They've involved Brexit and me having to explain all of Irish history, Partition, the topography of the border, the relationships between Stormont, Westminster and Dublin, abstentionism etc etc.

Batshit is not always fun. And while no one is harmed if someone thinks unicorns are real or reindeer are mythical, the same cannot be said for someone who rushes about screeching ‘Get Brexit Done!’ but thought the Irish border was — and I quote — ‘a wall put up to stop Catholics and Protestants bombing each other’.

BlameItOnBianca · 02/10/2019 12:39

Exclaiming over something very obvious to my friend I snorted "I mean, is the Pope a Catholic?" and she said "I don't know is he?" She was serious. Confused

bobbikato · 02/10/2019 14:21

Think i know this lady , i worked with a blonde who thought issac newton was a member of staff after i said apples fall to the ground because of him .
she also used a calculater to add 2 plus 2 .

MulticolourMophead · 02/10/2019 14:40

SunshineAngel

Perhaps you could ask your DS why there are gay animals, if it's so unnatural .......

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 02/10/2019 15:00

Exclaiming over something very obvious to my friend I snorted "I mean, is the Pope a Catholic?" and she said "I don't know is he?" She was serious.

I had this response in the company of my mum's (Christian) family once - I was 17 and honestly didn't know Blush in my defence I grew up in a Muslim country, so would have been completely at home with any queries regarding the Prophet Grin

BlameItOnBianca · 02/10/2019 15:08

Contessa and that is a very valid reason not to know necessarily - my friend, born and raised in the UK with a degree (so some life experience given we went through it together!) and two kids at the age of 35 genuinely didn't know. I thought she was joking to start with but knew she was serious when she repeated the question.. I suppose I expect people to have heard this turn of phrase before. In a strange religious twist I am now living in the Prophet's (PBUH) birthplace Smile

meowcatmeow · 02/10/2019 15:31

I overheard tourists in Windsor,
"Oh wow, that is such an amazing castle, but why have they built it so close to the airport?"

Michaelbaubles · 02/10/2019 15:34

Apples don’t fall to the ground because of Isaac Newton...

scrappydappydoo · 02/10/2019 15:36

Trying to book a meeting...
me: can you tell me what dates you are available for a meeting
Colleague: sure x date, y date etc etc
me: ok let me just check with other colleague and let you know in a minute
Colleague: ok just don’t assume that the dates I gave you mean I’m available
Me: Confused so what date would be best
Colleague: I just gave you my availability but I’m just saying it doesn’t mean I’m necessarily available
Me Confused
A few minutes later
Me : right I’ve booked meeting for x date - can you just confirm you’ll be there?
Colleague: yes I’m available that day - do you want me in the meeting?
Me: Yes!
Colleague: hmm I guess I can move a few things round and be there. It would have helpful to have been asked if I was available
Me: ....

Amibeingnaive · 02/10/2019 15:37

This will out me, but my DD, then c 4yo, once said to me, apropos of nothing:

'You know Grandad's not your real dad?'

And wandered off. She would not engage in further dialogue.

If I didn't look pretty much exactly like a younger, female version of my dad, I might have been quite troubled by it.

allgoodinthehood · 02/10/2019 17:01

Driving pZt the Special needs farm my DS commented I didnt realise there was autistic cows.

Turfaccountant · 02/10/2019 17:24

My daughter once asked if Terry Wogan was still dead!!! No love, they had a vote at easter and decided to bring him back.

TrailingPearls · 02/10/2019 17:53

24Turfaccountant GrinGrinGrin

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 02/10/2019 18:54

BlameItOnBianca ah, I've lived there too! It was quite a nice place to live as a child; I have fond memories Grin

Pinkbonbon · 02/10/2019 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReginaGeorgeous · 02/10/2019 19:29

Not recent, but I shall never forget a colleague I once had who thought the Grand Canyon and Gran Canaria were the same place.

TheScruffyDog · 02/10/2019 19:31

..but how does the paracetamol know to go to my knee and not my elbow?

I like to think I'm reasonable intelligent but the penny only recently dropped with that one for me Grin

Jeleste · 02/10/2019 19:44

Elderly neighbor rings my doorbell.
Her: i noticed you didnt walk your dog yesterday and its already 5pm now and you didnt walk him today either.
Me: ehh yes, he doesnt like to walk in the rain.
(Dog is 18 years old and doesnt want to walk every day anyways, hes mostly just sleeping)
Her: thats nonsense! Youre just lazy! Im going out anyways, if you dont walk the poor dog, i will! And i will report you if i see this happening again!
I leash the dog and send them on their way.
10mins later she rings again: 'your stupud dog wont leave the building!' 😂

Sparklingbrook · 02/10/2019 20:00

I had a weird conversation with someone once about the difference between a stew and a casserole. She said she could only eat casserole if you called it casserole, not stew.

I overheard in a toyshop once a mother complaining that her mother had bought her PFB a drum. Baby was sat in a buggy, looked about 12 months old.
'It's not exactly going to develop him is it?' she said to her friend. Hmm

WeCameToDance · 02/10/2019 20:01

My 3 year old has been coming out with some truely bizarre concepts lately. Putting him to bed last night.
Ds: mummy I can't go to sleep.
Me: why not?
Ds: because mummy, how am I supposed to sleep without my eyes?
Me: you have eyes!
Ds: no I dont! Seee (pulls eyelids wide open, revealing eyes).
Repeat about 7 times...
I asked him what he wanted to dress up as for Halloween this year. He is going to be a doctor. Ok, not exactly terrifying but if its what you want. However, I am apparently dressing up as a belly dancer, his sister is dressing up as a small umbrella and his grandparents are both going as oranges. We will be the family who manages to stand out on bloody Halloween if he gets his wish!

BlahBlahBlahh · 02/10/2019 20:03

My friend once said to me that baby's have gills that's how they can breathe in the womb 😂😂😂

Safe to say she has had no children

JapaneseBirdPainting · 02/10/2019 20:17

One my my colleagues is obsessed with Brexit.

For the past several months she has closely questioned our Deputy about if she is going to be thrown out of the country after Brexit.

Our Deputy who is Australian. And who has an Indefinite Leave to remain visa. Who has explained patiently every day that she is Not European. So she already had to sort her visa out 20 odd years ago. A valid visa. That has give her the right to Be Here. For quite some time.

Colleague simply does not get this at all. She remains convinced that come November 1st, Deputy Head is out the door. (and apparently has her head in the sand about it).

It is just the daily conversation that is so draining.