Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What would you tell your childfree self?

84 replies

VanillaChai20 · 30/09/2019 20:05

If you could back in time, is there any advice you'd give yourself pre-DC? Anything you wish you'd done beforehand or anything that's surprised you and you wished you'd known?

I don't have kids yet, which is why I'm asking!!

OP posts:
Bloodycats · 30/09/2019 20:07

I’d tell myself to really enjoy and appreciate all the times it’s been time to leave the house, and I’ve just got up, put my coat on and walked out the door.

My eldest is 9 and it still takes us forever to get out the bloody door!

Duckegg271 · 30/09/2019 20:12

I was scared that I wouldn’t cope. I have a chronic health condition and I just couldn’t see how I’d look after a child and myself and stay healthy. It almost stopped me having one but we threw caution to the wind and thank god we did because I’ve managed just fine so I’d tell myself not to worry and to just go for it.

SimonJT · 30/09/2019 20:14

I would tell myself not to become a parent!

DuggeesWoggle · 30/09/2019 20:14

Go to all those far flung places you wanted to. Go to the fancy restaurants. Both possible with kids, it's just more difficult.

Lie in bed in the morning on a day off and just listen to the silence. Appreciate the fact you woke up naturally and don't have to get out of bed until you want to. Have more sex (although that is more likely to lead to DC!). Luxuriate in the peace and quiet. Enjoy the fact that every minute of this day off is yours to do with as you wish, with no demands on your body, mind or sanity.

Wouldn't swap my two for anything but I fantasise about those Saturday morning lie ins. You really don't appreciate it until it's gone!

Jumblebee · 30/09/2019 20:15

I'd tell myself to make the most of my free time and to go out more and have more fun. I spent so much of my youth being self conscious about who I was/how I looked I never really went out and had fun. By the time I gained enough confidence and started going out more I fell pregnant and turned into sensible mum and now I never go out!

Wish I played the field more before I settled down with DP if I'm honest

moleeye · 30/09/2019 20:16

Sleeeeeeeep

All. The. Sleeeeeeeep

Nordicwannabe · 30/09/2019 20:16

I'm another one who would tell myself: don't worry about it. It will be fab!

I'd also tell myself to make sure I was settled in a good, senior position before having a child. It's hard to avoid your career taking a big knock, but already having seniority protects against that a bit, and also makes it much easier to get flexibility (which is invaluable)

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/09/2019 20:16

Have children as soon as you are married because life with children is far better than life without.

DuggeesWoggle · 30/09/2019 20:17

Gosh yes Bloodycats, and with just a small bag too, I feel like a packhorse when I leave the house these days!

AnotherEmma · 30/09/2019 20:18

Get off your arse, stop procrastinating, Marie Condo the fuck out of the whole house and instead of just talking about doing work to the house and garden, GET IT DONE.
As soon as baby arrives you will curse yourself daily for not having done it before.

Get a doula for the birth.

And beware of the in-laws, they're about to turn batshit Sad

StarlingsInSummer · 30/09/2019 20:19

It depends - are we taking childfree 25 year old me? In which case I’d say, get a move on because you’re going to have premature ovarian failure so you won’t be able to conceive past about 38.

EmmiJay · 30/09/2019 20:19

Stop spending money and save more! That final year of childfree living was the biggest waste of money I ever spent wails

Roselilly36 · 30/09/2019 20:19

Your not tired! Sleep is a valuable commodity when you become a parent. I used to think I was tired, until I had my first baby!

But it’s all totally worth it, I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could. Mine are 18 & and 16 and a half, the time goes so quick, so try to enjoy every moment, it’s an amazing journey.

PatriciaBateman · 30/09/2019 20:20

The freedom - partly the freedom to just get up and go (like pp said), partly the freedom to choose anything requiring your focus without worrying what it will take away from the kids - eg. that art class you've always been eyeing up.

But also the freedom from having a constant tiny fear forever in the back of your mind - that they are ill or something has happened to them, any time the phone rings while you are away, or you haven't seen them in 8 hours, or you send them to a friend's for a day... and knowing that they are only going to grow and get more independent, and you'll have less opportunities to satisfy that fear - that they are ok.

I think someone once described having children as choosing to let a little bit of your heart wander around vulnerable outside of your body - and for me that is exactly what it's been like.

AnotherEmma · 30/09/2019 20:22

Also unlike PPs I wouldn't tell myself to enjoy/appreciate xyz because tbh you cannot appreciate the true joy of a child free life until you actually have kids! Before then I was just in a blissful state of taking it all for granted and telling myself to enjoy it while it lasts would have been annoying.

When I was pregnant people told me to sleep while I still could, which was annoying because -a. I slept like crap during pregnancy and b. you can't bank sleep!

AnotherEmma · 30/09/2019 20:24

"you cannot appreciate the true joy of a child free life until you actually have kids!"

Shit that came out really wrong, sorry Confused
I'm sure childfree people can and do appreciate their lives!
What I mean is that I took it all for granted before and only realise how lucky I was now I don't have it.
There are some people who are wiser than me and do actually realise how great being childfree is without having to have kids to work it out Grin

blue25 · 30/09/2019 20:28

Your life is complete without having children.

Don't feel pressured into having a baby, it's going to ruin your life.

Bloodycats · 30/09/2019 20:32

Don't feel pressured into having a baby, it's going to ruin your life.
That’s a load of bullshit. You life can be complete with or without kids. Having children is hard but it does not ruin your life.

mrsmuddlepies · 30/09/2019 20:35

@AnotherEmma . Do all in laws turn 'batshit'? How does your husband/ partner cope with his 'batshit' inlaws?

YouJustDoYou · 30/09/2019 20:36

Don't worry, one day you won't ever feel so utterly lonely and unloved ever again.

GaudyNight · 30/09/2019 20:37

Perhaps it ruined @blue25’s life, @Bloodycats? I don’t think it’s helpful to pretend that having a child is always a good decision for everyone.

mrsk28 · 30/09/2019 20:41

That having children does not ruin your life but everyone will tell you it will while you're pregnant/thinking about having kids.

Life with children is brilliant if it's the kind of life you want to live.

zeddybrek · 30/09/2019 20:44

I would tell myself...

Don't do it. You have a great life, social life, quality friendships, you go on amazing holidays, indulge in hobbies and enjoy working out. Your career is going somewhere and you feel fulfilled in every possible way.

Whilst DC are everything to me my world has been turned upside down. I don't know who I am anymore. I used to love meeting new people and going out and doing stuff for me. Now on the rare occasion I do get out I miss the kids or talk about them. I even found myself complaining at a work drinks that the bar was too noisy. It actually annoys me that I don't want friends I just want to play with my kids and spend as much time with them as they are growing up way too fast. I would never admit this in RL.

trevthecat · 30/09/2019 20:49

I'd tell myself that it was going to be a long, hard process, it will nearly kill you, literally. But it will be so worth it! (Well most of it! Currently sat with a nearly 2 year old who will not settle with all the snot 🤢)

AnotherEmma · 30/09/2019 20:52

@mrsmuddlepies
I took the question very literally and I was referring to my own in-laws, not making a generalisation about all in-laws! However, based my experience, that of some friends, and some of the mumsnet threads I've read, having your first child can sometimes be the catalyst for issues with parents and in-laws. IMO it's usually because there are underlying issues that were minor before but become major issues once the stakes are raised by a new generation, it that makes sense.

My DH tried to resolve things with his family but it was painfully impossible and he decided to cut contact in the end. It's sad but less painful than the alternative which is dealing with the crazy-turned-nasty Sad

Swipe left for the next trending thread