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Original poster

What would you tell your childfree self?

84 replies

VanillaChai20 · 30/09/2019 20:05

If you could back in time, is there any advice you'd give yourself pre-DC? Anything you wish you'd done beforehand or anything that's surprised you and you wished you'd known?

I don't have kids yet, which is why I'm asking!!

OP posts:
LoreleiRock · 01/10/2019 06:34
  1. Having children is not a prison sentence. 2. You can still be you. 3. It goes by in the blink of an eye.
missfliss · 01/10/2019 06:40

Your heart will hurt with love.

You will be tired.

You will spend a fortune on childcare.

You will learn a lot about SEN

You will feel tremendous guilt.

OldWoodenBoxInTheCorner · 01/10/2019 07:00

I sincerely hope he doesn't ever have children of his own, I don't want my GC brought up in this world, it's not a nice place.

Same.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 01/10/2019 07:05

Please make a career. What you think is holding you back isn't, it's all in your mind. Those hours you wasted doing nothing will be sorely missed but I wish you'd done something about it sooner.

Your mental health is going to take a battering. Arm yourself with the best knowledge possible to go into this.

Wait another year or two - enjoy your time with your DP instead of feeling you need to settle down straight away. Or better yet, find someone better and kinder. He won't be the person you think he is.

Go on more holidays. You've not seen near enough of what the world has to offer.

Ohyesiam · 01/10/2019 07:12

Every single time you walk out the door without it having taken hours, created chaos and left you feeling exhausted and defeated. BE GRATEFUL .

Oh, and find a way to store sleep.

yearinyearout · 01/10/2019 08:06

Travel more!

SilverChime · 01/10/2019 08:09

Don’t have kids! But if you must, make sure you travel the world first because you won’t be able to go anywhere for the next 20 years. And make sure you’re stick thin before you get pregnant, to minimise the amount your skin will stretch and therefore minimise stretch marks.

Happyspud · 01/10/2019 08:12

I’d have nothing to say. There’s no avoiding that it’s a massive change and I had an epic childfree life before they arrived so I wouldn’t change a thing. When I did have them it everything was in place so I’ve really nothing to say to me.

Kerberos · 01/10/2019 08:19

What @choli said

Be very very choosy about the person who contributes half the DNA to your kids.

And travel!

Plus remember your child free friends will still be there but you'll have less in common so you'll need to make an effort to keep them close.

Basil90 · 01/10/2019 08:25

Travel (long haul). Other than that I'd tell myself to look forward to the best adventure I'll ever experience - having a baby!

CalamityJune · 01/10/2019 08:58

Not much to be honest.

I do wish I had met my DH a few years earlier though and been able to have more fun together before life got serious. We met, moved in, saved for a house, saved for a wedding, saved for a baby, both changed careers. We've done everything we set out to in the last 6 years but we haven't had the romantic holidays, weekends away to see a gig sort of things that a lot of our friends had.

mummmy2017 · 01/10/2019 09:04

I'd tell myself to stop buying crap.
Clothes you never wear, money wasted.
If you are living at home with parents save like mad.
Hen weeks away, just say no, they cost so much and are not as fun as you think.

Buyitinbamboo · 01/10/2019 09:17

Go to the gym. You'll discover your love for it when you have a 2 year old and won't have enough time to go as much as you would want!

Happysummer2020 · 01/10/2019 09:41

Very good point about not buying crap... I think that's one doe everyone. Anyone get to a point where they look back and are horrified at the amount of money spent on needless stuff?

I find as I get older I've leas interest in it and I'm dumping so many old clothes etc. Must add to tens of thousands (and I don't spend a lot on clothes!!)

mummmy2017 · 01/10/2019 10:41

I also now when I look at something for family as gifts, think when did they bother to buy me anything.
You should see how many things I now look at but never buy.
Never gift bomb someone if they don't do it back, or you will always resent it.

Publicpersonaofprivateposter · 01/10/2019 10:44

Think really carefully about who you choose to be the father of your child.

Yabbers · 01/10/2019 10:47

Stop trying to work out the best time for your career, finances, family circumstances. Otherwise you'll leave it too late to have more than one.

yellowallpaper · 01/10/2019 10:49

I would ask myself if I was 100% sure the man I was with was the right person to have a family with. I ignored some red flags and bitterly regret my first marriage.

Spudlet · 01/10/2019 10:53

Be spontaneous while you can. Go out for meals just because, pop away for the weekend because you feel like it. Enjoy sitting and having coffee and watching the world go by with your DH. Hold hands and enjoy being together with no one else to consider. Go to see that film, or exhibition.

It’s not that having children is bad, it’s great. But certainly while they’re little, that spontaneity can be challenging. And it’s easy to fall into the trap of being co-parents and not lovers. It takes a bit more work.

mummmy2017 · 01/10/2019 11:23

Marry before children.
If he won't marry you, your not his forever woman .
If he lives with you and won't pay with a good heart.... Why.
If he won't wash up without being asked, address this now.

YouJustDoYou · 01/10/2019 20:28

Get through the toddler years and they will be your salvation. Hold on, don't kill yourself.

flowerycurtain · 01/10/2019 20:52

Silly stuff - eat out loads, read loads

Sensible stuff - be in a really strong financial position. Have a plan for my career.

Sear86 · 01/10/2019 21:09

Travel more, much more.

Waste lesd money, how many dresses do you really need?

Most importantly, carve out a decent career first and excel in it before having children. Its much harder after having them!

FrangipaniBlue · 01/10/2019 22:22

Nothing to do with Brexit @CardiFree and a whole lot to do with society and people's attitudes and behaviour towards each other.

Your response to my personal opinion on not having DC is kind of proving my point 🤦🏻‍♀️

taytosandwich · 01/10/2019 22:28

I'd say once the first couple of years are over you find yourself again and it's ace cause you get to go home to your little mate or take them with you while you do fun stuff! It's not all doom and gloom. Although I would also warn myself that daycare is £40 a day Confused