Looks like drunk me tried to write a comedy.

[BoswellsBollocks]

I haven’t had reason to look at the notes on my phone for a couple of weeks. I’ve just looked now and apparently a couple of weeks ago after a couple of drinks I started writing a comedy.

Drunk me has ordered crap off eBay, drunk me has declared ‘the safety dance’ the greatest song ever written, but now drunk me wants to be the next Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

My notes include:

The main character is not the main character, someone else is.

The old lady in the shop is pregnant with 2 twins.

The town crier is a cross dressing pillock.

And then the killer note...

Go to writing lessons. 😂

I’ve made myself chuckle this evening at least, even if no one else ever gets to witness my comedy genius. 😂

I love that. Drunk me writes poetry

I once found a whole ode to wrinkly elephant skin.

Oh I need to hear the ode to wrinkly elephant skin 😂

I may have lost it... it was not good

I see it as drunk me buys sober me lots of presents... drunk me is a very kind and generous soul!

The old lady in the shop is pregnant with 2 twins.

Not 3 twins?

Cripes have had a few of these! Drunk me texting Question Time (thankfully too pissed for the garbled nonsense to get through), drunk me paying several times face value for gig tickets, drunk me buying useless but novelty household items (can't post my best one as very outing, but ridiculous), drunk me signing up for a course of snowboarding lessons... I could go on. I did end up going to pole dancing classes I booked while drunk one time, and I loved it, so maybe you should sign up for the writing classes! Doesn't drink bring out the truth ar times?!

@jaimebravo I once sobbed at the kindness of drunk me when I woke up to find a packet of nurofen and a bottle of water next to the bed. Kind and clever drunk me.

@PurpleDaisies that made me snort when I read that. Like I needed to be sure how many twins was.

I didn't write it down, but drunk me once told DH (who was then my fiance) that there were nineteen selfish people that I wasn't going to invite to the wedding!

Sober me had no idea who these nineteen selfish people were and why there were specifically nineteen!

@Stravapalava such a specific number 🤣

Drunk me and drunk friend thought of the wittiest joke in the world. It was hilarious. It was going to win awards and be published everywhere.

Sober us couldn’t remember it.

Drunk me is loving this thread
Drunk or sober me would like you to write for Emmerdale it's too miserable at the moment

I ordered an £80 christening bracelet once... I don't have kids

Hahaha! This prompted me to remember I have also done this in the notes section on my phone too and found not one, but two of my future literary masterpieces when drunk and high so here they are, copied and pasted for a laugh:

1. Black mirror story idea where all ppl are forced to/ want to/ only superiors allowed to take human type health drinks and someone becomes addicted and overdoes it like an alcoholic and the consequences that unfold.

2. The antagonist secretly owns restaurant meets protagonist, protagonist is worrying but ant persuades him. Pro still panics when gets there ant relaxes him eventually does first nervously orders cheapest ant tells him to relax and he eventually does and then starts to open up and they have an amazing time. Ant gets the bill and the card gets declined(?) and then...?

Place marking for more stories 🤣

drunk me has declared ‘the safety dance’ the greatest song ever written

It is

Found my people!

Drunk Me also is a Poet. Normally just as I’m about to fall asleep. All of it is terribly profound, haunting and likely to alter the human experience irrevocably. Thankfully I can never remember a single line of it

Still, it’s better than Drunk Me’s Interpretative Dance which is only likely to do me a mischief at this juncture.

high fives @soulrunner**

Yaaaah, soulrunner

Thanks to you, OP, I have checked the Notes on my phone and found the following message from Jan 2017:

"You are a talking coyote!!!! This is important."

The Safety Dance is brilliant!

Drunk me is the world's best dancer....I know this because when drunk me hits the dance floor everyone watches open mouthed so it must be true..and not because I look like I'm having a seizure!

At the last party I went to I tried to buy somebody’s 1960s E type Jag from him. I am not remotely interested in cars and know nothing about them. Fortunately, he wasn’t remotely interested in selling it.

Reminded me that I was going to look up wtf The Safety Dance was about, having listened to the lyrics with mounting confusion last week.

Good old wikipedia -
"The writer/lead singer, Ivan Doroschuk, has explained that "The Safety Dance" is a protest against bouncers prohibiting dancers from pogoing to 1980s new wave music in clubs when disco was dying and new wave was up and coming."

Righty ho.