Looks like drunk me tried to write a comedy.

[BoswellsBollocks]

I haven’t had reason to look at the notes on my phone for a couple of weeks. I’ve just looked now and apparently a couple of weeks ago after a couple of drinks I started writing a comedy.

Drunk me has ordered crap off eBay, drunk me has declared ‘the safety dance’ the greatest song ever written, but now drunk me wants to be the next Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

My notes include:

The main character is not the main character, someone else is.

The old lady in the shop is pregnant with 2 twins.

The town crier is a cross dressing pillock.

And then the killer note...

Go to writing lessons. 😂

I’ve made myself chuckle this evening at least, even if no one else ever gets to witness my comedy genius. 😂

Sober me received a strange parcel from Amazon this week.

Apparently drunk me wanted a wetsuit. No, I don’t live on the coast.

Drunk me donated £20 plus gift aid via JustGiving. But I don't know who it was for? 😬😂

Drunk Me had lost her phone so borrowed a friend’s phone to text loving message to OH.

Next day sober me was aghast to find a message from an unknown woman on OH’s phone.

Apparently drunk me wanted a wetsuit. No, I don’t live on the coast.

Drunk you obviously wanted to go dinghy sailing on a nearby reservoir or lake. (Sober me is pining to do that.)

Safety Dance is ace! Makes me want to dust off Now That’s What I Call Music.

@Pinkarsedfly this had me creased! For the bath maybe?

Oh God drunk me wakes up to emails from Ali Express confirming my order .. random shit like 2 bamboo (?) washable sanitary pads or a facial hair removal tool, some flower solar lights or a jumper for the dog
I have also learned to grab my phone and frantically check what’s app for drunken gibberish messages to my manager ( yes really ) or various friends. They’re not offensive just weird random trains of thought
Sober me gets surprise deliveries at work of said random shit 2 months after I ordered it and have forgotten all over again

Drunk OH once bought me a “surprise horse”. Thankfully, we still have her 15 years on and she is adored!

Who are you people, being able to drink to this level of genius and not fall asleep or get headaches and sore kidneys after 30 minutes? It's inhuman and I hate you all.

Pinkarsedfly perhaps you were planning to take up wild swimming?

The only obstacle we could foresee to We Can Work It Out was that we were going to use a light jazz version of the Beatles song as the feem toon, but we envisaged issues with being able to afford the rights. So we had provisional alternative titles which included, as I recall, Work It!, Ripped, and Prime Beef.

FatherFintay yes, I figured it out in the end.

There’s an artificial boating lake nearby which does open air swimming.

Until October.

So...yeah

My drunk uncle, driven to distraction by his noisy neighbours, once (politely)emailed a request to the MoD asking them to sell him a Guided Missile, y'know, just in case they had one spare?
This resulted in a visit from a v.official-looking MoD Official
Request refused.

Katinski Isn’t that an urban myth? I’ve heard it before

hard rain if that is an Urban Myth, it originated with my drunken Uncle George. Promise you

I write random ideas for books when I'm drunk.

My last one says "murderer with fleet of followers, scarecrow is also a murderer, lots of dogs, gold ring in shield shape has blade for slashing throats"

Another one from years ago had the interesting line of "no porn because women have evolved with no nipples because of formula".

I’m so glad I started this thread, it’s absolutely hilarious 😂

I’m having a few drinks tonight, I’ll let you all know what wonders I get up to...

Please let this continue. Nothing has made laugh more in the last 6 months. Sad life

@hazandduck, do you know me? How hilarious if you do

Coatless LTB

Kat I've just burst a blood vessel trying to tell my DH about your Uncle.

Drunk me and my drunk friend were once convinced that the world was going to end and only farmers would survive - and we had to learn how to farm to survive the apocalypse.
Sober me and friend can not remember exactly why to this day, hence we are not farmers. And are hoping that that particular apocalypse doesn't actually happen

Drunk me felt Henry Hoover was mocking her with his happiness.

Drunk me found the indelible markers.

"Henry Smug Bastard, Die, Die" has since been painted over.

Drunk me decided that a space hopper left on somebody's front garden, would be the ideal way to get home.....sober me had to ask on the village fb page if anybody had lost a space hopper as I had "found" one "outside" my house (it was in my living room).

Drunk me loves a whatsapp message. Sober me wakes in terror at what drunk me has thought to be hilarious and witty enough to write an essay about on a whatsapp to whichever poor friend drunk me REALLY wanted to chat to.

Oh @GreenFieldsofFrance I so have the what’s app fear

I sometimes wake and grab the phone remembering that I was messaging and re reading to check it’s all ok ... sometimes it’s someone’s response of ‘er thanks ? I think?’ Or ‘wine or gin?’ Pinging me that brings on the sweats