What do you pay for for your adult children?

[UniParent]

My eldest is a uni student and will be 25 years old when she graduates.

IRL people are surprised that I still pay for anything for her at her age but I had thought I would be supporting her until she graduates and that was what most people
do.

She gets a student loan but not full amount due to my income. She works during the holidays to get the money together for rest of the year.

She pays for accommodation, all living expenses and social expenses and car insurance.

I pay for her car payments, mobile phone and give money for fuel or travel tickets when coming home, and to come on family holiday, I also gave her the money for deposit and first month’s rent.

I feel that my things make up the shortfall in student loan that the government deduct for my income.

When she’s working I would expect to stop paying for her, although I will probably finish the car payments as there will only be 9 months left, and then she can decide what she wants to do going forward re replacing car.

Do you support your adult children?

IRL it seems friends helped the first year of uni and then stopped, did I miss a trick here?

You’ll get a whole range of answers on here OP.
I supported my adult DC whilst they were a student though she lived at home so I only gave her a monthly allowance and paid the phone contract. Also occasionally (very occasionally) bought her clothes/large value items. Also family holidays.
This was because I feel if your DC is studying then at least they’re doing something and should be supported as they can’t work full time. Also we could afford to.

I honk the views will vary enormously and is a bit dependent on parental finances. My guess is most parents help as much as possible but some can’t and a few don’t want to.
We give our children as much support as we can without undermining their work ethic.
Our youngest is in her fourth year at university. We pay all accommodation costs, travel costs, give a living allowance to boost the loan, pay dental bills, holidays, contact lenses, phone, books, support internships etc. If she gets at least a 2:1 we’ll pay off loans. My husband regularly pings her additional money for special occasions and clothes.
Our eldest is having their wedding coats paid by us and we buy bits for the house when they need something or help with holidays etc. If they’re staying here we pay for meals out etc. We helped with house deposit and moving costs. We’ve also recently bought the equipment she needs for work and pay her ongoing exam costs.

Her student loan amount is reduced due to your income therefore I think you are right to support her, it's what is expected by the government and why student loans are based on parental income.

My children aren't adults yet but when I was at university my parents helped me out and then from the day I graduated I was on my own. Which seems fair to me.

My view is that we expect to support our kids until they can support themselves. To me that is basic parenting but I don't think that's a popular view here 😊

20yo DS is at Uni here in Sydney and lives at home (not unusual here as accommodation is so expensive). He borrows the money for his fees each semester through the HELP (higher education loan payment) system. He will repay this through the tax system when his earnings meet the threshold (currently $46k pa, it has been significantly reduced in recent years as many people made sure they never earned above the threshold). He has a part time job earning $200 a week, he takes extra shifts whenever offered but his employer is erratic. We pay all living expenses, his transport, phone and gym. He is welcome on family holidays but doesn't always come as he doesn't share our love of hot destinations. He is a delightful young man who helps around the house and would do anything for me - I have been having treatment for cancer for the past six months and he has been a star. He has a great relationship with his dad and siblings, he deserves our support for as long as he needs it.

Not really the same but I'm 22, live with DP and our son. We pay for everything. But if I'm especially skint sometimes she pops £20 in my bank account. I was trying to work out meals I could cook with the food in my cupboard for the week before payday and asking for meal ideas, and she turned up with a full food shop for us including treats and a bottle of wine. If I needed help financially she'd do what she can. Oh and she takes care of my son whilst I'm at work for free!

I think it’s nice to help adult children if they’re kind people and appreciative of it.
If the adult child is demanding, entitled and expects the help then it should be made clear they’re on their own and it won’t be forthcoming.

I do the same for mine and will continue until she leaves education.

I think it’s up to you what you do. We still pay for things for our DC’s, all of them are working hard and moving forward in their lives. They know how fortunate they are and it’s how we want to spend our money. They’ve all had part time jobs while they were studying so largely funded their social lives and clothes. None of them ask for things or have expensive tastes.
Some of my friends are much more prescriptive and that’s up to them.

It will definitely vary enormously. I have friends whose parents have bought a house for them and look after their children full time and during school holidays whilst they work which saves a fortune.
My parents don’t do childcare for me but pay for us all to go on holiday (abroad) with them every year, pay for my contact lenses, car and house insurance and mobile phone bill. I have never asked them to do this but they want to.

We pay for everything
she takes care of my son whilst I'm at work for free!

Then Nameusernameuser you really really don’t pay for everything. She’s essentially giving you what? £7,000 a year in childcare?

We supported our DS2 until he graduated. We paid for his food, all his textbooks, anything he needed for his course, his phone, his insurance and his travelling expenses because they had to be paid for upfront and then claimed back. He's very good with money and managed to save enough from his part time job at uni to buy himself a decent car so some people thought we were mad for paying for essentials for him but we thought, and still do think, it was the right thing to do because his bursary didn't cover his rent.

DS1 joined the army. We bought everything he needed to go. Occasionally he'd ring and ask me to order something for him and I didn't mind because it was easier for me to do it. I remember one day he'd had a busy month and said he was a bit skint a week before pay day so i put some money in his account. He rang and said he had enough money he just didn't have money to go out and waste it!

We will always support our children if they need it. My parents were/are very much of the attitude that you're on your own but my PILs will help if any of their three children are struggling.

I have 2 in uni and will have for the next 4 years. They take the maximum loan they can but it barely covers ds2s accommodation. Ds1 lives at home. We pay for ds2s rent, phone, optician etc and also give him £250 a month for food etc but will order him the occasional supermarket delivery. Ds1 gets free board and food and we also give him £250 which covers his train and petrol. We pay for the car and insurance as DS2 shares the car during the holidays etc. We also cover his phone, opticians etc and will include him if we are having a takeaway or meal out. DS2 will also be included when he is home. We expect to continue until they graduate if we are able to. We've said to try to keep the loan unspent if possible to try to give them a nest egg. We aren't rich but we can afford this for now and there are no pockets in a shroud. I'd rather see them get benefit from what we have while they are young and starting out. They understand that that means when we die there won't be much left. DH and I both grew up in poverty so we want them to have opportunities that we never had.

They are good boys and appreciate the support.

I didn't get help from my parents and had to pay keep to them when I was home for the holidays. But then, this was over 10 years ago when I think the loans were bigger and my parents had no money.

I think you support where possible. Not everyones finances will be the same.

WaxOnFeckOff What a fabulous expression “No pockets on a shroud”.
I think I may steal it.

We have to keep ours grounded, we help and offer interest free loans but ultimately they need to pay back and don't get everything given to them. They will have a ball when we are dead, but until then I want to install the same values about hard work that I have .
Yes I might go a bit OTT with Christmas and birthdays but even then I stick to a budget for each.

As ds is job hunting still, post MA, we are paying for everything as he lives with us. We move back to the UK in just under a month, so he will be get to g a job, even if it is stuffing pasties at Ginsters!!

Y'up. We supported both DDs through their first degrees and will support them through their Masters. Hopefully their PhDs will be funded, but if not then we'll keep going.

If we have the money and we don't need it for us then we'll help them. They both work hard and both will be in commendable but not brilliant paying careers.

It's a really difficult one because, on one hand the cost of living is going up and up and up and parents arguably need to support their adult children. But the result of this is that we have people in their 20s saying 'I'm a kid, you have to do everything for me'. I can see my 15 year old dd (lovely though she is) being a bit like this. My DP's 22 year old son kicks off if DP won't fund his inter railing trips, is angry that his mum expects him to pay a peppercorn rent now that he is employed and dp lent him one of his (nice) cars and he's messed it up and got it all scratched. Dp said he wanted it back and the response was 'ok you buy me a new one then'

ds is at university and we live overseas so pay his fees, accommodation, flights back and forth to China and a monthly allowance. He is also still covered by our private medical insurance.
He will repay half the allowance when he starts work after graduating.
He worked during the summer - (erseas and covered all his expenses from his salary - was the equivalent of 17.5K per year and saved some money too)and at Easter and (he tutors maths and chemistry) has not needed a monthly allowance since March.

We expect him to support himself when he graduate and should he live at home he would be expected to contribute to household expenses.

I help my adult dd as much as I possibly can. Through uni I gave her as much as I could afford to, around 3k each year topping up her loan and wages. Now she has graduated but is on terrible money in an expensive area, I still pay for her contact lenses, Netflix and Spotify as these are little treats she would have to do without if I didn't. No, I don't have to, but I want to.

Oh Moomin8 I’d be devastated if my DC behaved like that, it sounds like he’s had money/things but not much of anything else.

Gave them each an allowance at uni, then paid off both student loans and gave them £100,000 each for a mortgage deposit to get on the housing ladder. (They both work in a very expensive city)
They’re now in good graduate jobs and financially independent, so I just treat them to the odd holiday or meal out.
My generation was lucky to have free student grants and cheap houses, on 95% mortgages, so I’ve done my best to put my DDs in the same financial position I was at their age.