What do you pay for for your adult children?

[UniParent]

My eldest is a uni student and will be 25 years old when she graduates.

IRL people are surprised that I still pay for anything for her at her age but I had thought I would be supporting her until she graduates and that was what most people
do.

She gets a student loan but not full amount due to my income. She works during the holidays to get the money together for rest of the year.

She pays for accommodation, all living expenses and social expenses and car insurance.

I pay for her car payments, mobile phone and give money for fuel or travel tickets when coming home, and to come on family holiday, I also gave her the money for deposit and first month’s rent.

I feel that my things make up the shortfall in student loan that the government deduct for my income.

When she’s working I would expect to stop paying for her, although I will probably finish the car payments as there will only be 9 months left, and then she can decide what she wants to do going forward re replacing car.

Do you support your adult children?

IRL it seems friends helped the first year of uni and then stopped, did I miss a trick here?

@Faith50
They say what you never had you never miss . Probably untrue in your case . It shows a lot about your integrity that you and DH are saving to make sure your own children don't have the same pressures.
Hope your DM wises up a bit and treats you better .

I'm the same age as your DD but I graduated two years ago and live with DH and baby DD. I work PT and DH is the same age and a FT student (PG. His DF is NC with us and we are NC with his DM if they makes sense, so although his only income is £5k a year of nursery, there is nothing forthcoming from them, not even birthday gifts...

My DPs are v generous but obviously wealthy enough to afford to be. We live in a house owned by them, we pay rent that just covers expenses for the house, which is much less than market rent here. DPs also refurbished the house before we moved in and we made most of the important decisions re kitchen, flooring etc but they paid for it all. That was ££££££! As you can imagine. Day-to-day they don't give us cash or anything but if we go out with them, they always pay for anything - meals out, any clothes we buy when out with them (this is rare, maybe a few times a year) etc. DM also has a tea delivery guy and I get my tea through him too and she won't accept any money for it. V rarely I will go food shopping with them and then they will pay for all mine too (maybe few times a year?). They also pay for us all to go on family holidays. In Spring DD and I went abroad with them and my siblings which they paid for. Soon DM and I are going up north for a family wedding and DM is paying for our transport and accommodation. DM also looks after DD one day a week so that saved us nursery fee money.

Yes - eldest has just completed PHD and two weeks ago started a well paying job. So one down 2 to go! Will always help out as much as we can as long as we can!

I will always assist my children if they are in need, regardless of age.

I didn't go to university, never had any financial help from my parents. They couldn't afford it so I don't begrudge it at all.

DS is 6 so far off adulthood! Unless my circumstances change drastically I won't be able to support him much financially but his dad earns a good wage (we are divorced) so he will likely help out if DS goes to university.

Parents didn't give me anything after I got a part time job aged 16. Though she is generous with my children.

Mrsrufusdog It has made me resilient and believe that I have to do everything for myself. I found it difficult to accept DH's gifts and his willingness to pay for things. I was not used to anyone spoiling me.

I'm 29, mum and dad paid for everything while I was uni, first two years of work and while I did my Master's degrees. I plan on doing the same for my DCs

If you can afford it, I don't see why you. You don't just turn 18 and magically are able to support yourself financially.

We have one in uni and one starting next year. We will pay for any reasonable expenses until they graduate and find employment.

I'm always a bit shocked when people on MN recount complete loss of financial support at age 16 or even younger. It's rather Darwinian.

No adult children myself but when I was at uni several years ago (between 18-22yrs old) I got a student loan for tuition and the living expenses loan - however the living loan didn't even cover my rent for the academic year so my parents had to subsidise me - they paid me a weekly allowance to live on (food, bus, social, clothing, mobile phone) whilst I was at uni of about £50-60 per week. They are by no means rich, but due to their income the living expense loan was capped and I couldn't borrow more than that.

I'll be eternally grateful for their help! I did a very academic and intensive degree so didn't work during term time but worked during holidays to save up.

My parents supported me at a subsistence level (i.e. enough to live very frugally on, certainly no car - rent, food as long as I was very careful and mostly lived on pasta or baked potatoes, not enough to also cover books or travel or alcohol) during my first degree but not my postgraduate studies (though I didn't need them to, I was working full time a studying part time which was possible due to not having had children at that point).

That seems fair to me - enough to live carefully on until end of first degree. Paying for running costs of a car seems frivolous unless a car is essential due to placements on a medical or other vocational degree.

Our 21 year old is doing an MA. We pay her rent (includes bills) and give her £200 a month allowance. When she was doing her BA we made up the difference between the min loan (which is what she got) and the max loan as well as her allowance. When she is home during holidays we reduce the allowance as we are providing all food etc.

Mine , about to go to uni , has a tuition fee loan but have paid her accommodation and will give a monthly allowance to which her father also contributes . I have a dd for her phone bill , her dad bought the phone as a birthday present . When she graduates her current plan is to return home to London to work and live at home . I wouldn’t take any money from her but would expect her to save ‘ rent money ‘ for a property depositi . If I can I’ll pay off her tuition fee loan and contribute to a larger house deposit for her will do so if it helps .

My dad had just died and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to support myself through university.

Nothing wrong with supporting a child though - as long as they don;t take the piss.

I am 26 & live with my boyfriend (30). I am pretty self sufficient these days but my parents are very generous and still like to treat me. They are pretty well off. For example, I just bought a car and they have offered to pay the cost of breakdown cover for at least the first year. My dad goes to Costco a few times a year and asks us (and my mum - they live separately) if we need anything, and won’t let me pay him back for it, though I always ask. They bought me/us a printer for my Masters coursework etc - I asked my dad to look for one in Costco and gave him our budget; they bought a more expensive one and wouldn’t let me repay them!

They also put money into a Help to Buy ISA for me - this was opened for my 22nd birthday and they will continue to add to it until it hits £12k (the max amount for the government bonus), at which point I will take it over and split my usual savings between that ISA and my savings account.

I meet my mum for coffee at lunchtime about once a fortnight and she almost always pays. Likewise if we go for family meals (birthdays, Christmas etc) they will pay. My dad has taken me on holiday every year since I was 11 and doesn’t expect or ask me to pay, which is unbelievably generous of him. I also have a credit card in my name which goes to their joint bank account - I never use it without asking/being told I can, and very rarely at that, but I know that if I was in an emergency situation I could use that.

As I’ve gotten older and have more disposable income of my own, I enjoy paying bits and bobs where I can, paying for family meals, our Christmas cinema trip etc, but it doesn’t even touch their generosity! They’re hugely supportive, financially and otherwise.

I supported mine until 21 but what was your daughter dong between 18-22, did she support herself or have you been supporting her for 25 years?

I have an 22yo at university and I don't regularly support her financially at all and she doesn't expect me too. She gets max loan and works a couple of shifts a week as an HCA. She definitely has more disposable income than me. If she was stuck I would always give her what she needed and am currently putting some money aside to help with her last few driving lessons (hopefully) and test.

I'm nearly 40 and my mum still slips me money for stuff. Usually classified as early Xmas/bday and then she gets me something else when the time comes. She also pays for flights and accommodation if we go away and buys stuff for DD.

She's paid vets fees and lessons for DHorse too. I've always been able to ask if I needed a bit extra. She doesn't like cuddling me very much but money is her way of showing she cares.

My parents have helped me out in various ways but it has stopped now I'm 35 thank goodness! We dont need the help any more which is great.
When we bought our first flat I was 22 and they bought us a bed as a housewarming gift. A year or so later I was getting washed in a bucket because the boiler was bust and the shower didn't work properly, we redid the bathroom and they paid for the boiler. They also bought us a new washing machine when ours broke.
They gave us £12000 for our wedding (they gifted the same amount to my siblings for their weddings) I saved up and paid for some of it too but this was the bulk of it.
When I had ds1 they bought his travel system and cot. They have also paid for us to visit them abroad and once for a whole holiday we all went on.
Over the last 3 years our financial situation has improved lots so we haven't needed the extra help. It's got us out of some difficult situations! Not sure how much longer I could have done the washing in a bucket. I'd love to think in a few more years we can treat them a bit as well as funding our own children. We will pay it forward by helping them when they need it.

MaybeitsMaybelline Before uni, she worked full time to get money together for Uni, then her uni course is 5 years.

Lovely to hear how many have such supportive families and are able to be themselves.

It is sad to hear those who reach an age and then support stops.

one pp said their mum isn’t a cuddlier but provides the support as their way of showing they care and I think this is my parenting style.

puppymouse You are very fortunate.

As a teen and in my 20's I supported my dm financially whether it was buying weekly food shop or paying a bill. When I did not have money to go clubbing my friends would ask me to ask my mum and I would think "yeah right!"

It has made me resentful and anxious with money.

I'm in my late 20s.

Parental support mostly comes in the form of help with practicalities (e.g. dog sitting, helping with DIY, occasionally lending me a car or power tools), though I also help with some elderly care. If I go to see the family and we go out for lunch, they'll pay, and there's been some occasions where I've needed a random small item and DF has turned up with one without me asking (e.g. a padlock was a recent one).

DF occasionally makes vague references to helping me with a house deposit, but I'll believe that one when I see it!

I've not had significant financial support from them since I left home to go to uni - but I did get a full maintenance loan and grant, so I had enough to live on with a part time job.

katienana your parents must have been rather comfortable to give you £12000 towards your wedding. My dm ztruggled so I grew up knowing not to ask or to expect anything. I promised myself that I would never be in a position where I would need to ask anyone for money. Though I have struggled, I have never needed to borrow money.

@Faith50 I am lucky. But nobody's life or relationships are perfect and money doesn't bring happiness imo, it removes worry that can cause unhappiness.