What do you pay for for your adult children?

[UniParent]

My eldest is a uni student and will be 25 years old when she graduates.

IRL people are surprised that I still pay for anything for her at her age but I had thought I would be supporting her until she graduates and that was what most people
do.

She gets a student loan but not full amount due to my income. She works during the holidays to get the money together for rest of the year.

She pays for accommodation, all living expenses and social expenses and car insurance.

I pay for her car payments, mobile phone and give money for fuel or travel tickets when coming home, and to come on family holiday, I also gave her the money for deposit and first month’s rent.

I feel that my things make up the shortfall in student loan that the government deduct for my income.

When she’s working I would expect to stop paying for her, although I will probably finish the car payments as there will only be 9 months left, and then she can decide what she wants to do going forward re replacing car.

Do you support your adult children?

IRL it seems friends helped the first year of uni and then stopped, did I miss a trick here?

I am never going to be in this situation myself as I don't have children (and am very unlikely to!) but I just want to say thank you to all of you. I had a very neglectful childhood and adolescence and had to get a job at 14 to support myself (and I am only 30 so this was not that long ago!) I always took comfort in the fact that my situation was not the norm and that other people really did care about their kids. Its part of what led me into social work, the idea that if you care enough in a practical way you can change the outcome.

I got pocket money until I went to university. Then I got less than the parental top up each term, but free board during the holidays (if I went back.) After graduation I was fed but that was it (I was also thrown out after 6 weeks but hey). They refused to sign as my sibling's guarantor for a car loan, and gave me £300 towards my wedding. No other "big" help for mortgages/cars etc.

However I don't think I've ever bought an ice cream in my life when out with them

NotANeuroticApple even families who can’t give their DC’s financial help should support them, loving kindness costs nothing. I wonder why some people have kids.
My parents had a pretty tough approach when I was growing up, they thought they were teaching me to look after myself. I just felt lonely.

DS is at Uni. We pay for his car (insurance/tax/servicing) and his phone but he pays for rent and living expenses using student loan and his earnings from summer job. He doesn't get max student loan - 1st year it didn't even cover rent in halls so we did give him a weekly budget. Now in a house share he has some loan left over so we just give the odd amount here and there and support when/if his money runs out. We also pay for everything (except petrol) when he is home in the holidays. We buy clothes too but if he wants expensive clothing then it's a birthday or Christmas present.

My parents supported me and I haven't asked for a penny from them since I left home at 24.

If you can afford to support your DC's why wouldn't you?

Through Uni I gave them money if they needed it - sometimes as loans (which they always paid back) one of them had a long stretch before the student loan came in and had to borrow the 'teaching' element before it arrived. Apart from that, they all got full loans and bursaries as I earn so little, and they managed very well.

Now I occasionally bail someone out when payday is late and a payment needs to go out and I pay when we go out for meals (sometimes). But they all earn far more than I do!

DS is still in sixth form but has announced he would like to live at home till he is about thirty as it’s cheap. That was an interesting conversation. I could buy DS a house outright but I really want him to make it by himself. Of course I will assist him somewhat but I would expect him to work in the summer hols if he does go to University. I’m a made it by myself had zero financial support from parents who always knew there was no place back at home for me. The only bonus in that tough childhood was I knew I had to make it by myself, which I did. He knows that if things ever got tough he would alway be welcome back home till he sorted himself out.

I want to get the balance right so assistance but not handouts that make him lazy.

We recently went through a very hard 6 months & my dm picked up paying my dd's piano lessons & ballet. She also paid for unexpected vets bill.

We're back on track now & I've offered to repay her but she's said no so I can build up some savings again.

I'm very grateful I can ask my parents for help, DH's parents are not approachable at all.

We have 2 dd's at university we pay their phones gym membership for 1 (the other gets it w her uni) add top ups if they are short (rare to be fair) Will do the big settle in shop every year and for dd1 we paid for her rent over the summer as her flat wanted paying so we said we would cover that. I have also been known to pay for a weekly shop here and there but we expect them to mostly manage on their student loan and their isa savings from grandma (bless her for doing that)

Every now and then I buy them clothes as well its nice and they are my girls

Oh and twice when student loans have been late have we covered their initial fee but they have always p
Repaid that once the loan is in.

We have two children in university and pay their car insurance and mobile phone contract and we’ve helped out a few times when money’s got really short. We help ds with fuel when travelling home as is a long distance, dd only 70 miles away and we’ve picked her up a couple of times already as she’s had things on at home at weekend but hasn’t got her car with her as in halls.

depends on what they need, and it continues. someone yesterday was talking about how here parents help with food shopping etc and she was married with kids. mine still give me the odd monetary gift or take me on holiday as a treat

Op if all you are doing is topping up the shortfall in the law your are doing the minimum . Of course you have to make up the shortfall it’s calculated on your income.

*loan

Reading this is so lovely and mostly heartwarming. I’m going to put some cash into my grown up child’s account right now for a surprise. He asks for nothing but I try to be of help. I wasn’t in a position to financially help him when he was growing up. We struggled.

I lived with my parents until I was 21 so they obviously paid for bills, mortgage, food etc. I was very lucky.

After I moved out (still at uni) they didnt pay for anything.

My parents occasionally surprise me now (I’m mid 40’s) by putting some cash in my account it’s not necessary but is very much appreciated. They supported my mw through uni although I had a holiday job too and of course there were no tuition fees then!

Wow you have some generous parents. My dm stopped buying me clothes at aged 18 unless for a birthday/Christmas gift. I supported myself through university by working up to 20 hours a week.

I received no cash even when I was short. I said nothing and managed on what I had. I paid for all my holidays - my first in my late teens.

I received no contribution to my wedding. Dh and I saved every month.

We are saving for our children and plan to give them a monthly allowance when they go to university. I do not want them to have the pressures of working as I did.

Nothing. There just isn't the money.

My DD has £200 a week to herself after bills.........whilst she isn't living a life of luxury she certainly doesn't go without.

We're a lowish income family and ds qualifies for full loans, but I give him £200 a month for food, phone, travel etc. and I also buy him some clothing and give him money I've saved up for a bit of hostel based travel abroad in lieu of a birthday present.

We have a ds at Uni, he is 20 and it feels like we pay for a lot !! We pay his accommodation ( he doesn't get full grant), we pay to maintain his car ( he needs it to travel for valuable voluntary work experience related to his course and to his job ), car insurance, MOT, repairs etc, I think my dh still pays for his phone contract and we pay for breakdown cover. When he is home in the holidays he doesn't contribute financially but does help out with dog walking etc.

I’ve paid for myself since I was 13/14
And I mean everything-I worked two jobs since I was 16
I pay for bits for my lot if they need it (eldest is 22) but they all work hard
My sd is of the opinion that we will support her (and pay for everything for her)until she marries a rich man as she doesn’t see why she should work for a living
I’ve told her dad she either gets a job or all luxuries like WiFi/clothes/bus fares/driving lessons etc go the day after her 18th
But if she gets a job based around college (even a Saturday job) and pays min rent then I’m happy and will help to pay for her until she needs us not to

Nothing.

@PotteringAlong
@Nameusernameuser

Talk about splitting hairs .
She's helping out with groceries now and again to help them make ends meet .
She gives childcare out of the goodness of her heart ( for free) because she loves her family .

@PhantomErik
Glad you are back on track . Great that your Mum was able to reduce your stress when you had a bad time .
Bet she was really proud that you offered to pay her back . Nice to have a safety net x