I really regret having my DD. She has ruined my life and is making me depressed.

[littleBumps]

We decided to try for another baby and were delighted when I got pregnant and we were so looking forward to having a baby in the house.

18m on the reality is so different. She's such a difficult baby. Always crying and whining all day long. If I go out it's the same. In the car it's the same. She cries at every nappy change, everytime I put her in the pushchair or car seat. She cries when she's in my arms, if I put her down, if I play with her, if I don't play with her. She's always just whining. I have to put her on my boob so she shuts up which means she's there most of the day.

This constant whining is making me so depressed. I can't do anything for myself/ the other kids/ around the house. I don't know how I've managed to even cook and do the bare minimum so far. I kept telling myself in the early days she'll get better when she starts sitting/ crawling/ weaning/ other milestone but nothing improves! My days have just wasted away getting nothing done. I don't expect to be having super productive days everyday or anything but i wasn't expecting not being able to even brush my hair most days.

I feel so depressed. I wake up in the morning and I instantly feel a sense of dread and wish I hadn't woken up. She starts her crying as soon as she wakes up.

I don't know what I want from this post. Just need to get it all out.

Have you any RL support? You need help and to speak to GP and HV

Sending you lots of empathy and hugs. It’s so awful to wake up each day with the dread. Or in my case get woken up by my 16 month old screaming and a 4 year throwing yet another giant tantrum, as they do every day.
I don’t really have any advice as I feel quite similar. I should probably speak to my gp and maybe you should too. Do you get any time for yourself child free? That always helps my mood massively, and I feel less guilty now for taking that time as I’ve realised how essential it is to keep me from going utterly insane.

I'm not wanting to worry you but have you been to the GP and explained how upset she is all the time? DD was similar to this and turned out she had a dairy intolerance and the only thing that calmed her was the boob until we changed her diet and gave it time to take effect. Is she developing normally in other ways ie speech/mobility?

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, it really is the toughest job being a mum. I remember feeling so depressed and it does pass, I didn't get to the stage where it got much better until 3, but we didn't have a straight forward trajectory of development as most children do. It was a shock because my first was such an easy child. Sending lots of understanding and 🍷 x

Sending you love op. Go to the go tell them how you feel and also get them to check over your dd. So you have much support from your DH and family or friends xx

I'd speak to the gp and health visitor about it because it sounds odd that she is crying so much! Maybe theres a physical issue with her? Both of mine cried a bit here and there to varying extents.. and it seemed constant as newborns lol! But at 18 months most children do not whine constantly.... does it seem like she is in pain? What is she whining for exactly? Is she afraid of being away from you?

As far as how you feel goes its understandable to be wiped out. Is there any way you can have a bit of a break from her? Can your partner have her over night whilst you just go and chill in a B&B or something? I know that sounds extravagant but sometimes its necessary because you do end up in this mental state if you dont get any time to yourself.
I had pnd with my first and I did find it very hard. I felt like you describe at times... it really did help that my husband stepped up and took my son overnight completely a couple fo times and I went to a hotel and just slept and watched films by myself till I felt normal again.
My son is 4 now and I love him to bits.... I get great joy from being his mum... but as I said when he was very young there were times I felt like he had ruined my life... in the depths of pnd I even used to fantasise about killing myself etc....I just saying this in the hope its helpful to see that other people have felt this and come out the other side.
It does sound a little like you may be depressed... so I would speak to your health visitor. It's not uncommon and you dont need to be ashamed, just be honest and tell her you are struggling.

Please do go to the GP and explain how hard you are finding this - and quite naturally so, it is relentless and alienating when a baby just won't stop crying, but there is help out there. I agree it's worth looking into whether there is some reason DD is so upset and uncomfortable as well.

Food intolerance or allergy?

I know it sounds twee, but have you tried a food diary? Try googling all the food intolerances and see what you can clue out from a food diary.

It really is horrific until you find an answer.

Oh, sending you lots of hugs OP. You have my sympathy.

If it is any comfort my first was like this, never stopped whinging and crying. She is 16 now, and a lovely daughter, no trouble at all during teenage years!

WOW! I felt like I had written this my DD is exactly the same. She is the same age and whines...constantly. I dread going out, even just nipping to the shop. I am a SAHM at the minute as I am in between jobs and I can't wait to start work. That will be my break! I have been at home with DD for 10 weeks now and I am losing my mind. She doesn't eat, doesn't sleep and just seems unhappy with anything I do! We went for a walk today she had a melt down half way into the woods so I ended up carrying her uphill in a big coat trying to carry a bag and her wellies kept falling off I got back to the car and cried.

I'm here reading the suggestions and comments for some help

I sympathise completely. My daughter is 5 now and cries all the time. People give her horrible looks at school pickups and say nasty things. What worked for me when she was your daughter’s age was to constantly sing to her. I know it’s the last thing u feel like doing but try it once and let us know if it worked. I’d always have music playing and sing along and she used to join in. I’d never admit this in “real life” but on here I feel I can be as honest as I want - girls are difficult. I have both genders and can honestly say that I struggle with the girls more. My mum was a saint raising me and my sisters. Hang on there it and you will see one day she will become your best friend, just like my sisters and I are to our mum now.

I feel for you. I know the whine sound very well indeed.

I agree with all other pps. Go to professionals and investigate more. My son is 4.5 and he is autistic. Your daughter is unlikely to be autistic, but as other posters have said, it could be another issue that's causing her discomfort and that's causing her limitless grumpiness.

We got a very young diagnosis (or suspected diagnosis), so even though the whining remains difficult, it's been very helpful to know what causes it and, in turn, that means we could develop a strategy/have professional support.

So, whatever is troubling your daughter, it's definitely better to have as much help/investigation/input as possible. I think people who haven't experienced a very high needs, difficult to placate, difficult to put down child often minimise/underestimate the extent to which this completely takes over the entire household dynamic. It's bone crushing - good luck!

Definitely talk to your GP. There could be tons of reasons why she’s behaving like this. I don’t want to worry you as it may not be this at all but my ds was just like this and he turned out to have autism. His constant crying was due to sensory overload and inability to basically cope with the world. Once we understood him more we were able to manage things differently. Also, you need GP support - it sounds like you have post natal depression- even this far on, it can affect anytime, even months on as your hormones are still up and down, you need some proper help and support.

My dd was like this literally from birth! When she got to about 18 months I couldn't take anymore I thought I was going crazy.
I would wake in the morning and not want the day to begin. I used to daydream about running away on my own abroad! I then went to the gp and she gave me some antidepressants which I didnt take , and that it was postnatal depression, she referred me for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy . It really helped me. He gave me little tasks to do each week, I had to schedule my week with all the boring school runs, food shopping but also to put things in for me, even if it's just out for a coffee or a walk.
I found having someone to talk to and a different way of looking at the situation really helped. It's so tough, but once she got to 2 and was more independent things changed. Shes 5 now and amazing, but when she was about 18m old I remember wishing I hadn't had her.
Just hold on, things will definitely improve as she gets older and in the meantime see if your gp can help, I wish I had gone for help earlier. I think the kids can p

I think the kids can pick up on our frustration and exhaustion because once I felt a bit more positive she seemed happier and seemed to improve too
Good luck , it's so tough but you've probably got through the toughest part without knowing xx

This sounds tough OP. I agree with PP’s that this level of crying doesn’t sound normal and may be worth seeing your GP or HV about.

I have both genders and can honestly say that I struggle with the girls more

My girls don’t cry all the time. At 5 and 4 they’ve had 3 tantrums between them in their lives. My boy is pretty easy going too. The OP’s issue is not an issue of the child’s sex.

One of mine was like this, I used to spend my time with her on pins, she just seemed to be constantly pissed off and looking around for things to freak out at. At one point I used to put earplugs in because of the constant whinging.
She was an horrific baby, but a lovely toddler after the age of 2/3 and is now a great teenager.
I then had a really contented baby which turned into a crazy whirlwind after age 2 and is still the same years and years on.
If you feel there’s something wrong, try seeking advice on allergies, or if there’s a physical issue.
Do you get a break? I used to love going to work at age 1-2 lol.

I would speak to your GP and get her checked over. It doesn’t sound right for her to be upset constantly, I would worry she is in pain.

Also, this isn’t a girl thing despite what others have said anecdotally here 🙄 Some children are just more challenging than others.

@littleBumps I'm sorry you're struggling. It's a great thing that you've posted here though as just getting things down can help.

How old is your baby? Is it your first?

What help and support do you have around you? X

Oh love that sounds so hard. It really sounds as like you should be getting her to a paediatrician?

DS2 was a very difficult velcro baby. Cried all time except when bf, but wouldn't even settle for a feed - he would take just enough to take the edge off his hunger, then return to whingeing followed by more suckling. This went on every 45 minutes round the clock. I was diagnosed with PND, had one to one and group therapy.
Two things happened- I figured that since he clearly didn't want to be with me I would go back to Uni and put him in the Uni crèche and second I weaned him at 27 months. Bingo! Never had another broken night.

Poor baby. There's something wrong - please take her to your GP.

It does sound like it could be something more than just normal toddler behaviour, I agree with those saying to talk to the GP.

That said, 18 months is a horrible age. Both of mine were monsters and then turned into angels as soon as they turned two. It's a really hard age for children and they get very frustrated and angry. It could just be that, but get her checked out.

I could of been writing this about my DD2 last year, I felt so overwhelmed with the constant crying, lack of sleep and just life in general, I had been to the gp and they said there was nothing wrong it wasn't until the health visitor suggested silent reflux and we started gaviscon that she turned into a different baby.. Please see you gp or hv about postnatal depression, Iv had it twice and it really is a struggle.. You will get there my dear, sometimes it just takes a little longer than expected xo

@littleBumps oh wow you poor thing! I can't add much to what has already been said sorry. But my 2 were both like this for the first 4-5 months, so I do have empathy for you. I can't imagine what it must be like for it to go on for almost 2 years!!

And the more stressed and low and pissed off you get, the more your DD will feel it/notice it, and the more she will play up.

I can only echo what the others have said, that you need to see your GP or Health Visitor, as they may be able to help. Or maybe even a paediatrician... Also... have you joined any parent and baby/toddler groups? And do you have any family or friends who can take her for a few hours at a time (a couple of times a week?)

Is there a creche nearby where you could take her for a few hours? This would give you a well-earned break.

We found one when ours were toddlers (close in age) and it was a Godsend. I remember feeling at the end of my tether as they were both being very demanding and hyper, and I was doing everything I could to occupy them/entertain them, and I found a creche, registered them quickly, and left them 2 hours. BLISS........... The first 2 hours I had had to myself in 3 years! I tootled around the shops, and sat half an hour in Costa with a MASSIVE cappuccino and a big chocolate chip cookie, and then had a stroll around the park near the shops.

They loved it too, and really enjoyed going there, so I took them once a week for a couple of years (til they started school...)

Good luck. I feel for you I really do.

It will get better, I promise. As @mistermagpie said, once they get to about two and a half, she will be OK, and all this will be a distant memory!