I really regret having my DD. She has ruined my life and is making me depressed.

[littleBumps]

We decided to try for another baby and were delighted when I got pregnant and we were so looking forward to having a baby in the house.

18m on the reality is so different. She's such a difficult baby. Always crying and whining all day long. If I go out it's the same. In the car it's the same. She cries at every nappy change, everytime I put her in the pushchair or car seat. She cries when she's in my arms, if I put her down, if I play with her, if I don't play with her. She's always just whining. I have to put her on my boob so she shuts up which means she's there most of the day.

This constant whining is making me so depressed. I can't do anything for myself/ the other kids/ around the house. I don't know how I've managed to even cook and do the bare minimum so far. I kept telling myself in the early days she'll get better when she starts sitting/ crawling/ weaning/ other milestone but nothing improves! My days have just wasted away getting nothing done. I don't expect to be having super productive days everyday or anything but i wasn't expecting not being able to even brush my hair most days.

I feel so depressed. I wake up in the morning and I instantly feel a sense of dread and wish I hadn't woken up. She starts her crying as soon as she wakes up.

I don't know what I want from this post. Just need to get it all out.

Can you put her into a daycare for a few hours a day? I have different reasons for at one point regretting going down a certain route that actually kept my daughter alive, I don’t feel like that now by the way, daycare helped massively. It gave me time to either clean or just be me, even if that meant plonking my arse in front of the tv and eating some snacks in peace, I also needed medication but this was after she was in daycare and that alone helped. My kid has health issues and development delays so is very difficult and it’s the only way I could cope. So worth it. I’m wondering if it could help give you a break too.

Just to add I’d first try and rule out something medical though. Have you taken her to the go before about the crying?

I'm another one who had an impossibly miserable baby/toddler.

Also never woke up happy, rather I was treated to blood curdling screams every morning for about 3 years.

I spent all of my time fire fighting so as not to do anything that might piss him off - EVERYTHING pissed him off.

Day after day after day of whinging, screaming and crying. Never content, never had a sunny demeanour. It was without doubt, the hardest time of my life.

I strongly believe that mine was living in a constant state of frustration. Always wanting to be one step ahead of what he was physically or mentally capable of. The perfect storm.

Unfortunately I ended up with severe anxiety and depression and regularly wished that I would die and at times I wanted him to die, just to make it stop it was fucking horrific.

He is now almost 5 and is just the most awesome kid ever. Yes he still has 'moments' but those I can cope with. It was the relentlessness of the early years that tipped me over the edge.

Some children are incredibly challenging at this age and those who've never experienced it have no idea how hard it can be. It can literally destroy you as a person

It sounds like many of us on this thread have which I hope brings you some comfort.

If you can afford it I'd pay for an appointment with a paediatric consultant. I have heard of quite a few babies and toddlers having a complete personality change almost overnight when an allergen has been removed from their diet.

If you can't afford this, go to the GP and seek help there. I'd keep a diary for the next three days so that you have something in writing that demonstrates just how much of the day/night your DD is distressed.

If you are referred to an allergy clinic on the NHS ask how long the typical wait is. If it's months I would consider doing some exclusion testing at home.

I'd start by cutting out dairy (including goats milk as well as cows milk) for a fortnight and see if there is any improvement.

I was like this as a kid and it turned out to be a dairy intolerance. My parents found out when I was 3. My dad says my mood changed over a week and was a happy sunny kid very quickly. Please get both of you some help. I love my mum but I still 30 year on feel like I irritate the life out of her :(

Oh bless you. Lots of good advice on this thread. Please do check for silent reflux and ask your GP to check for other causes to rule out the fact that she might be in pain. (DS1 was similar but improved enormously after cranial osteopathy. He was a venteuse baby and the osteopath said his head would have been causing him a lot of pain.)

Hope that you can get support for yourself. My life improved when a friend told me to go to bed at 8pm once a week. DS used to sleep well from 8 - 12pm but then wake constantly through the night. That burst of good sleep for me helped a lot, but going back to work also saved my sanity/marriage/health.

You poor thing I could cry for you and your baby,my eldset son was born with jaundice and the then treatment along with light therapy was for him to be given a drink of water between his 3/4 hourly feeds.
This cleared up the jaundice but the little man got so used to having a drink/feed every 2hrs - 24/7.If I tried to stop the drink/feed he would cry all day and night.
I had to put him in his pram every morning when taking my DD to school and carry on to my sisters house where I would practically shove the pram at her and climb into her bed and sleep until my DD was due to be collected for school is there anyone who could help with your DD in this way?
My DDs 2nd son cried none stop for 20mths until she tried goats milk for him after talks with her HV,he was a changed child within 10days so please see your HV & Dr.

Another one saying that it will get better. One of mine was like this, cried non stop, super needy all the time, it was exhausting.

He's 8 now and it's soooo much easier. He's still harder to jolly out if s strop is he decides to go off in one but it's pretty rare these days. He's got lots of friends and school think he's awesome!

I have no advice but lots of sympathy

As @PetetheCat says, the miserable babies who are our torturers can turn out to be the loveliest children. I remember reading a prisoner of war writing about sleep deprivation and thinking: well, you were lucky mate, at least you had the luxury of hating your tormentor I have to love and care for mine 24/7. And now, he is the gentlest, sweetest ,cuddliest most easygoing teen in the world.

@PetetheCat That's sounds awful, yet so relatable. I always thought I was fairly resilient as I'm self-employed and could easily work 10-12 hours days for months on end without any weekends or leisure time. I thrived under stress and was actually mentally very happy despite working schedules that would drive most people to burnout.

However that was absolutely nothing compared to the first 6 months with my baby. The experience nearly broke me. I also wished that could become ill or "temporarily die" just to feel rested again. I'd wake up every morning to her crying and then cry myself because I just couldn't handle the pain and exhaustion for another day (DH always leaves for work incredibly early so there's no support in the morning). Yet somehow life goes on and the days pass one by one.

I suppose I got "lucky" because DD was only really difficult for half a year. She started sleeping better and crying less and is the most amazing baby I could wish for now (9 months). I agree with OP that I wasn't sure whether I had PND, or just a normal reaction to gruelling circumstances. My mood stabilised without medication the moment she was easier to deal with and I had some respite the from the stress of listening to hours of ear-splitting screams.

It makes me sad to think there are so many mums like this, hidden out of sight and watching the world go on without them. I found it was the hardest season of my life, but the upside is that I don't take anything for granted now. I know my life will be normal again someday, and I can't wait for how much joy I'll feel when I can spend time with my adult daughter and still enjoy peace and freedom at home.