I really regret having my DD. She has ruined my life and is making me depressed.

[littleBumps]

We decided to try for another baby and were delighted when I got pregnant and we were so looking forward to having a baby in the house.

18m on the reality is so different. She's such a difficult baby. Always crying and whining all day long. If I go out it's the same. In the car it's the same. She cries at every nappy change, everytime I put her in the pushchair or car seat. She cries when she's in my arms, if I put her down, if I play with her, if I don't play with her. She's always just whining. I have to put her on my boob so she shuts up which means she's there most of the day.

This constant whining is making me so depressed. I can't do anything for myself/ the other kids/ around the house. I don't know how I've managed to even cook and do the bare minimum so far. I kept telling myself in the early days she'll get better when she starts sitting/ crawling/ weaning/ other milestone but nothing improves! My days have just wasted away getting nothing done. I don't expect to be having super productive days everyday or anything but i wasn't expecting not being able to even brush my hair most days.

I feel so depressed. I wake up in the morning and I instantly feel a sense of dread and wish I hadn't woken up. She starts her crying as soon as she wakes up.

I don't know what I want from this post. Just need to get it all out.

It’s quite possible you have depression. It’s not necessarily an endogenic (internally generated) depression like PND, it could be an exogenic (externally generated) depression caused by the hard time you’re having. It’s worth going to the Gp.
My mum was the same with me. She used to tell me ( I remember from age 7 at least) that I was a miserable child (I was quite sensitive/ emotional) and had done nothing but cry since I was born and she wished she’d never had me and wanted to die. Please try to get help sooner rather than later.

My DD2 was like this, pretty much only content when on boob. whinged in buggy, whinged in car, whinged when walking etc and I dreaded every day too.
I looked at other families on their happy days out and I felt so depressed, no matter what I did she just moaned after 2 minutes.
I weaned her at 19 months and it saved my sanity (still fed before bed for another 18 months) and now at 3.5 years she’s great. Plays happily and independently, is settling into nursery school, and is really funny and smart. Still has her moments but so do all 3 year olds.

It does get better, some babies/toddlers just hate being babies/toddlers.
Hang in there

Hi
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is so draining to care for a miserable baby 24/7. I had one and it made bonding very tough in the early stages. But there must be a reason. I would definitely check out silent reflux if she doesn't have symptoms of reflux itself. DS had reflux and was in constant agony which is why she screamed all.day.long. God it was hellish.

Now she's a bit older, I'd spend as much time as you can talking with her. Listen reallyintently to her babble. I was so desperate I taught myself baby babble and worked out what they were trying to say because I couldn;t wait for him to tell me what was wrong instead of this squirmy, shrieky, hysteria all day long.

I used ask DS, Why are you crying? Does it hurt? Can you point to where it hurts (didn't always work as sometimes it hurt everywhere) You could also try cranial massage. We didn;t as DS had hydrocephalus so we didn;t dare do any cranial manipulations but a friend with a hysterical baby did it and said it was an overnight success.

You must have a break. Your DH needs to take the baby for a whole day so you can go round the shops, even book a day rate at a Travelodge and have a nap. And you might think this is a really low-point suggestion, but you could consider taking anti-depressants. They will help you feel less stressed about it. Just a low dose for a short period of time, so you don't get that acid-in-the-veins feeling when you wake up in the morning and hear that shrieking start.

Sorry for typos.

My second was like this, it was so so difficult. He also had reflux and I was so so tired. You are not alone, be kind to yourself, everything is a phase xxx

My ds was like this. His was down to reflux as well. They said it should be over by 1 but in reality he was more like 2 when he was better. He's a totally different child now.

op, it's so hard when you're stuck day in day out with it.

She's a really bad sleeper too. I co sleep but it doesn't help. She woke up around 8x yesterday. Everytime wanting the boob. If I manage to take her off she wakes up again screaming so I end up sleeping in awkward positions and getting a sore back on occasion. Im utterly exhausted when I wake up in the morning and as pp said I so dream of just closing the front door and never returning.

She's currently screaming in the other room whilst I'm getting the other DC ready for school/ breakfast etc. She has never woken up happy and smiley. The moment she wakes , her crying starts.

Nextphonewontbesamsung sorry she wasn't left alone. She was with dh and the other dc. Though my issue is not her crying when left alone. She's with me 24/7 crying all the time.

It's quite common for refluxy children to want boob or feeding more to soothe the bile. I would really see about getting her checked and having some medication to see if it'll help.

Ds who is now 5 was a very difficult baby,no allergies,no tongue tied or anything its just the way he was.He came out of it around 3

littlebumps, as I posted previously, my DD was exactly like this. It was the 8x plus nightly waking that nearly killed me and almost broke my marriage. I tried everything, from co-sleeping to controlled crying and absolutely nothing worked. I think I was also in shock - my son slept through at 6 mths and I just hadn’t expected her to be so impossibly difficult. It took 4 interminable years for her sleep patterns to settle, and mine and DH’s have never recovered from it.

Lots of good advice on here but I know how hard it can be to be proactive when you’re so sleep deprived and barely bumping along the bottom. But the one thing you really MUST try to do if it’s at all possible is to get some respite support. I never did, and I’m not even sure why when I think about it now - seems so obvious. But, like you, I was totally wrung out and not able to think clearly. And probably a bit ashamed, feeling like I should have been able to cope. Please don’t make the same mistake - you need some time and space to take care of yourself.

Can your DH take her out for a few hours at the weekend while you sleep? Do you have family who could help, maybe even have her overnight just once or twice? Friends who’d wheel her round the block while you have a bath or a coffee? Can you afford professional help - a regular slot at nursery or with a childminder?

As so many others have said, this nightmare will pass, you just can’t believe it at the moment. Your DD will change and grow and you’ll find yourself in happier times on the other side and be grateful you have her. Sending best wishes and hoping today gets better for you x

It's so hard when they are little. You have my sympathies. I have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old and the 3.5 year is a dream in comparison. For me it got so much easier after 18m when they start to have language and comprehension, and it gets better and better. It's so much easier to get pleasure from chatting and conversing, negotiating etc. Hopefully your DD will be an early communicator (and not just whining - the whining is incredibly hard to bear) and that might help. Good luck

The lack of sleep on top of the constant crying must be horrendous OP.
My smaller dd didn’t sleep through the night until she was four. I remember feeling almost deranged, I couldn’t even remember my own telephone number .
As pps have said, even small amounts of respite help. I was lucky , my DH worked from home and would take dd down for breakfast, and leave me to sleep, waking me later with coffee.
There must be a reason why she cries on waking and continues to cry most of the day, you just need someone to help work out what that reason is.
Is she ever happy and absorbed ? Is she talking ? Does she chat to you ? I would think about pain of some sort as the reason, rather than temperament.

I've known two babies who were like this, one was found to have silent reflux and the other a dairy allergy. I really don't think the level of crying you describe is normal. I would definitely take her to your GP.

This too shall pass.

Have a read of info regarding sensory processing issues. They can be completely overwhelming for children :( Sometimes hand in hand with other things, sometimes by themselves. I hope you get some rest soon

OP I know it dosen't feel like it now but it will get better.

When DS was 18 months I used to fantasise about contracting some kind of none fatal but serious and very contagious illness and being admitted to an isolation ward in hospital.

Sleep deprivation is not used as a torture method for no reason. Exhaustion will not be helping you.

Yes to all the PPs about checking for allergies reflux etc.

Tiny ideas that helped me:

Bath with her (at least you then get a bath). DS used to be calm in the bath and liked having me there with him. You can try a baby bubble bath with lavander in it - calming for you if not her :)

Try letting her going without a nappy in the house from time to time. Yes it makes a mess but for some reason DS seemed calmer without it

Get a light projecter that plays music put her to bed and switch it on - try leaving her with it for a bit. Both my DC's used to fall asleep to these

Give into cbeebies every now and then for your own sanity

Consider co sleeping - not for everyone but I think some children just like the reassurance of it

Try to wean her off the breast now if you possibly can. You've done fantastically to maintain it for 18 months.

Put her down for 10-15 minutes at a time with a pile of toys - if she cries she cries but she needs to learn that nice though it is she can not be held constantly.

Be kinder to yourself - your children are fed, the house isn't a death trap or an environmental hazard if you're doing the basics - you're doing well you're doing really really well.

I know it feels utterly relentless especially with older children in the mix but this is going to get better - really it will

Ds2 was like this. The only thing that worked was cranial osteopathy. I know people will say it's tosh but the difference was so dramatic playground leaders thought he'd been put on meds.

Op it will get better as they get older, young toddlers are tough, and this won’t go down well on here but out of my 7 children, the two that I breastfed for a couple of years were the whiniest! All they wanted was boob!

Would you consider weaning her and getting your dh to deal with the nights for a little while til she’s weaned and sleeping in her own bed? A good nights sleep might make everything better.

Make sure you tell him how you feel, you’re not a bad mum you just need support.

I think you need to leave dh to the kids on his day off. Or even get him to take a couple of days holiday and go away. Then he'll know and hopefully support you properly?

@listsandbudgets she said she does co sleep and she sleeps badly, I would’ve suggested that before I had my last two children because I thought co sleeping solved everything because it did with mine, but my younger two are a nightmare whether they’re with me or in a cot, it makes no difference!

Re above I meant playgroup leaders

What about nursery? Could that be an opinion for a couple of afternoons a week to give you a break?

I'm sorry I must have missed that she'd already tried co-sleeping. I thought I'd read the thread properly as well :(

My dd had a terrible year last year when she was about to turn 1. She cried and screamed all the time. In the end I took her to the out of hours in desperation and the doc said both her ears were absolutely bulging, she had no temperature or other signs of infection but he said she must have been in pain. She was given antibiotics and improved. Two weeks later same again. And again, and again. She got put on a low dose daily antibiotic and referred to ent. She is 2 now and the happiest kid you could meet. Take the child to the doctor and don't leave until you get taken seriously.

My DD had some serious issues with her 2nd baby, and at 18 months was losing the will to live. We paid for her to go to a private Paediatrician who diagnosed coeliac disease. It cost around £200 but the tests were done on the NHS. The reason I suggest it is that they have more time to listen than a GP.

And I'd cut the breastfeeding. At 18 months, there is no need for her to be waking that much and she's probably tired and whining because she's not getting enough sleep. Yes I know that sounds simplistic but my 1st was a terrible sleeper and we were just in this endless cycle of tired constant whining. Cutting out feeds, making DH get up to her and offer water, and being really persistent with putting back in her cot nearly broke us but after 5 horrific nights, she slept through for the first time. I was like a zombie for getting 7 hours sleep.

I hope it gets better soon