Did you go to work full time once kids in school?

[RubADu]

Hi. Both my children are at primary school now and settled - no issues. I work part time at the moment (30 hours) and have been offered the option to go full time (39 hours)

It would be 5 days - I currently do 4 with an hour commute each way. I could do the extra day from home apparently.

My current day off isn't exactly full to the brim. But it brings a lovely balance. And we walk to and from school on that day (only).

But I could really do with the extra money (about £600 a month to take home extra) It would probably mean an annual holiday is affordable (it usually isn't). But obviously that's still a luxury.

So keen to hear what people did. Anyone go full time and regret it? Does school life become busier and a free day would help with that?

Kids are 9 and 6. Unfortunately no option to do a short fifth day and finish at 3pm to do school pick up. It's full days only.

parlezvu because for most women the choice is between an okay job full time and having far less to do with your kids than you would like. The idea that women going to work means that we are all going to be brain surgeons saving refugee children or conserving swathes of Amazonian rainforest and have some deep and meaningful personal development at work trajectory is completely bogus. For most people, even a career in a profession (just look at teachers on here, and the recent thread about medics) is very, very demanding and many people don’t feel it’s worth the trade off of not seeing your children. And all the fighting about women going to work has done nothing to raise the esteem and value of the work women put into raising children.

I work part time now my kids are in school, having done FT when they were younger. It’s a no brainer. My kids are happier, our family is more relaxed and it turns out it is perfectly possible to find fulfilment that’s not at work (who knew?). Sure, we live in a semi rather than a fancy-ass detached place, and our cars aren’t brand new but working FT would quickly see a lot of the extra money eaten up in childcare.

I take the point about the pension penalty though.

I wouldn’t. I’m 3 days a week (1 DC pre school, 1 just started school) and will probably go up to 4 days once both are in school if and when I get the opportunity to go up a grade as it’ll probably be part of the negotiations (ie they will say I can’t do it 3 days a week).

Decent part time jobs are like gold dust in my opinion.

I’m do glad to read that most women here are staying part time! I always feel like I need to be doing more but glad other women find they wouldn’t be able to do it all either. What a relief!

Yes. All women should imo

@aliciaquays Why only women?

For me the school holidays are the easy bit. I take 2 or 3 weeks annual leave, plus 1 week unpaid and all the holiday clubs here (Kings Camp type) are full week only so no difference in what i pay now.

I'm reading all the replies. I'm most grateful.

One point I hadn't thought of is the elderly parent point. Mine are in their 80s and fit. But that won't last forever. They are 400+ miles away so having an extra day not working to do the occasional long weekend might become necessary.

The question wasn’t do you work full time in a fulfilling equal to men job, it was do you work full time when your children are in school.

No I don’t as I said earlier. However, I work 4 days a week in a very senior role which I love. My career has grown massively since i had kids and only ever worked part time.

Don’t assume part time is just to pass the time and bring in some money. Progressive employers see the value in being flexible at all levels

@parlezvu “Work, at its best, can be a place where you can (occasionally at least) be really good at something, where you do something meaningful that isn't just about your selfish offspring, and where you are not just someone's mum.”

You think people aren’t getting that meaningful satisfaction during those 3 or 4 days at work? Do you assume that those people are in low paying roles or some boring mundane job?

The luckiest women are those that do actually have it all. A fulfilling role at work that brings them financial independence AND time to breathe and be there for the things that contribute to a calmer, less frenetic family life, as well as time in the week to exercise, maybe read a book or watch a film.

The one thing is the pension issue. Perhaps where couples are concerned, it should be the norm if the FT worker contributes extra to their partner’s pension, if they will be benefitting from the part time hours by having to do less gardening/washing/taking kids to appointments etc themselves.

So no, parlezvu, you are right in saying that we are not quite there in terms of equality yet, but it’s not really because some women are not finding fulfilment at work, is it?

I wonder if you won the lottery you would continue to find fulfilment in your work? After all, you are claiming that work is the only thing that can bring that. I’m assuming you would do no cooking, gardening, playing with your kids, school drop offs, interior design, watching a film in the afternoon etc, as you seem to think that those things don’t bring you fulfilment or enrichment to your life?

I might not be the right person to reply to this as I went back full time after each maternity leave. It must be nice to have a weekday off, but you and the children would very quickly get used to the new routine. How do you cope with school holidays currently? Consider those 13 weeks a year as well. I'm lucky in that I'm a teacher so get holidays off at the same time as my kids, but I know other families struggle with school holidays.

Don't do it! I'm did and regret it every single week and if I had the chance to work 4 days again I would take it like a shot.
More for my own mental health than anything and now that they are teenagers, they take more mental energy and they are always there - bedtime is on a par with mine so there's very little time 'off' to be with my own thoughts.

Posted too soon.

I think people who seem to think women aren’t fulfilled if they aren’t at work all the time have been brainwashed. It’s not what feminism is about. I think they’re jealous of those that DO have the opportunity to have enough money and fulfilment from working 3-4 days a week, I know I am. Both parents working full time is stressful and exhausting. I don’t believe people who claim otherwise and that it’s all hunky dory. having one day a week to NOT be stressed and exhausted (well, actually if you add the Weekend which will inevitably be calmer and less busy, it’s 3) seems ideal to me having done all types of working hours for the last 15 years. FT is a hard slog once you get past 45 and still have kids at home.

My DS isn’t in primary yet but I don’t think I would. I work 3 days + a couple of hours from home, but it’s quite high stress and long hours (DS goes to his childminder at 7.30 and is picked up at 5.30) so it’s good to still have a few days that aren’t a complete rush in the mornings and evenings. I want to go back full time eventually but I would probably wait for the kids to be in secondary school and a bit more independent.

I went from 3 to 5 days a week the month my youngest started primary school.

We really need the money and my career needed it too. I have a 90 minute commute each way but work from home once, sometimes twice, a week if I can.

It is really tough. We have a cleaner and someone who does breakfast and after school care twice a week but the rest my husband and me juggle. We need the money, not for luxuries but for living. I sometimes wish I could go down to four days a week but the workload and pressure would still be the same so o stick where I am and have to admit, some days I don't manage to give 100%.

I worked full time until my eldest went to secondary school timing meant my youngest was also about to start primary at this point I went part time - shortening my day 4 days a week (1 full day) I wanted to be around when she came home from school. It works as a good balance for us and I’m not sure I’d go back to FT hours!
I always felt bad working ft when she was younger but she turned out ok & I ask her now she 16 was she bothered going to breakfast club /after school clubs she said no she knew no different & was happy!
My youngest goes once a week to after school club and would be happy to do more days!

I do 3 days now they are both in school but soon I'll be FT for a year (NQT) but then I plan to try and work four days.

I think it's a nice balance and you can schedule docs, dentist, vet, shopping, hair etc or even a coffee with a pal. Generally I use my two days for all that but also to clean the house, iron, take dogs really long walks so time with the kids is better spent!

Didn't say anywhere that work had to be FT to be fulfilling, was just taken aback that everyone's comments on work only centred around how little you could do while staying on top of finances, as though the kind of work you do doesn't matter, or that there are other reasons to work other than just cash. If you have that with PT work: great for you.

For the record: I'm a single parent and knee-deep in nappies, school drop offs (can't always do pick ups), school plays and the actual work of caring for my kids and I wouldn't want it otherwise. But to the sarky previous poster who said you had to be a brain surgeon to find your work fulfilling: that's so sad that you think that. I'm a woefully underpaid social worker at the whim of my occasionally unpleasant superiors - but I know that my work really makes a difference and that I am very good at what I do. I'm hoping that my DC will grow into responsible and caring people.

I wish everyone of you finds something to do that you value (beyond watching tele in your spare time, as one of the charming previous posters does) and are good at that extends beyond the remits of your DC and your own family life.

It’s not only women working part time though.

DH has just started a 20 hour week after being the sahp for 6 years.

We didn’t even consider full time as we didn’t want the stress of coordinating childcare/pick ups/household tasks.

Yes the money would be nice but time to enjoy life and the DC is a luxury we are lucky to have.

No. I'm lucky to work school hours and term time only. The wraparound care here is terrible, I have no idea how anyone manages to have both parents work full time unless perhaps they have family who help a lot. Our school doesn't offer before or after school care. A local company ran a scheme for a few years but they closed recently. There's one childminder that collects from our school but she can obviously only have so many children. Summer holiday care is mainly sports based so if you don't have a sporty child that's no use.

Always surprised so few women work full time and work is only seen as something that takes us away from our children.
I went back full time when my children were 7 months old. It's fine and the extra money is good. If your children are at school and you need the money I'd say go full time.

Yes, but that's only because I live a ten minute walk away from work and the primary school is on the same road as my work. Coupled with breakfast club and after school club this means I can easily manage a full time job for the £4 a day wrap around care.

This also means that if I need to nip out to the school I can easily do so.

If I lived further away from school and work then I probably wouldn't be able to given that we live quite rurally so there is no school transport to utilise.

Your day working from home....obviously no commute time so could you start early /finish late so you could walk them to or from school and just make up the extra time? At 9 & 6 they can entertain themselves while you work.
If you are going to do full time:
Click and collect shopping or delivered
Cleaner at least once a fortnight or to do a deep clean every few months.

No I didn't and still haven't even though they are both at secondary school. I now work 2 part time days (9 till 2) but DH and I also run a business from home so I do that on the other days. I like to be around after school as that's when they like to offload the good and bad bits of their day (and there have been lots of bad over the years with bullying, son's asd diagnosis and the difficulties that lead to that). There's also lots of clubs to ferry to and from. I didn't want them bring stuck in after school clubs when I knew they'd rather go home (especially Ds who found school overwhelming in primary). I also like that I have most of the holiday with them and don't have childcare costs or worries (when they were little I was very fortunate that family looked after them on my 2 work days). Dh now earns enough that I can get away with working so little. I'd never stop entirely as if I needed to go back full time it would be harder with a big gap so I never stopped working. Each to their own though, it depends on your kids, your financial situation and if you enjoy working!

For me it wasn’t so much part time for managing life as it can be although that was very useful to get life admin done on time off. It was because my DD 9 and 12 seemed to need to come home after school and I need to put a lot of support in that part time allows. Mine do go elsewhere 2/3 afternoons but then coming home and being able to have a friend back sometimes or go to a club means a lot to me. I found that secondary didn’t mean less input it meant more! I gave up my full day off to do 4 short days 1 long day and life is so less fraught.
I appreciate I am fortunate that I can afford to do this but it does mean we are not very flush cash wise. Sometimes my eldest is really stressed after school all that goes on and just coming home with me a couple of days has helped.

No that's when all the hobbies started. Now I spend my evenings being a taxi I need my days off to keep with everything else

I work pt (3 days) and hope to continue on a similar pattern for the foreseeable future.

There are so many nuanced factors that make these kinds of threads rather futile. Even putting pay and levels of professional fulfilment aside, the logistics have a huge impact.

Woman 1: works full time in an out-of-town business park, with a 20 minute drive and free parking, easily able to drop her children off en-route and still get to work on time.

Woman 2: works full time in central London, with at least an hour's commute by sometimes unreliable trains and involving a walk to and from the station. School/childcare is not close to the station, nor does it stay open long enough to enable her to commute and collect her children before the provision closes. She has to put in extra wrap-around care and, if the trains are delayed, sometimes doesn't see her children before bedtime on a work day.

Both work 'full time', but which schedule is more amenable to family life? Who is more likely to start thinking about going part-time?

I also know a number of women who have gone back full-time or nearly full-time in demanding roles, only to massively downscale their role, become ill, take a career break or become a SAHM a year or two down the line because it is just all too much. Whereas I have just plodded on with my pt hours for 8 years now, because the balance is more or less right.