Free 'fuck offs' for all. While stocks last

[AtlasObscura]

I've issued two today.

One to my daughters fiancé who has just been caught cheating on her and the other to my drink-driving neighbour who has just reversed through my garden fence.

But I have plenty of fuck offs left so tonight, I'm giving them away for free.

2 per customer while stocks last.

Form an orderly queue please

Another one for cancer here please

One to politicians everywhere and another to the tosser who took the brownie out of my lunch bag in the break room fridge today.

Can I have one for grief which has come to torment me again tonight. Miss my db and dgf so much. Losing them closer together is too much to bear.

Also one for insomnia (probably related) I'm so tired I don't need to be lying awake for three hours every night worrying about everything. And then getting up for work at 6am completely knackered.

Can I get a couple of Vs for:

The client who thinks it's Ok to email me late at night about the pettiest of complaints and expect a response straight away (I'm ASLEEP!! Fuck off!!)

And slugs. Especially the little fuckers that magically beam into our living room despite replastering it at considerable cost and plugging all the gaps...or so we thought. Fuckers!!

Can I have one for the doctor who said that a vacuum biopsy of the breast will cause 'slight discomfort'. She can fuck off to the other side of the world as far as Im concerned.
Oh and take cancer with her.

MissConduct - I'm torn between the arsehole politicians who seem hell bent on ruining us all, and your Brownie thief - I mean who the hell steals brownies

2 for you xxx

There's a box here for those of facing shit bosses or colleagues.

And for those of you facing cancer or supporting a loved one, please help yourself anytime you need. No questions asked xx

namedchanged - I'm so very sorry

1 for me please, specifically the mysterious undiagnosed illness that's kept me in hospital for a week and counting. NOT what I need being a casual worker due to already being disabled

Two over here please.
One for my horrendous periods. 37 years of this shit every month and I've had enough.
And I'll use the other one for the unwanted, of fuck all interest to me, photographs that are sent regularly to me by a family member on WhatsApp.
@AtlasObscura thank you for offering this service. 💐

Gosh, I really need three, but if you are prepared to supply two then I'm sure there is one down the back of my sofa somewhere.

• One for the dickhead paid staff manager who manages my volunteering who is absolutely useless at what he does.
• One is for his boss who doesn't have the balls to be the boss and sort dickhead out (and is pathetically under qualified and under experienced to be in his role)
• One is for the dickhead paid staff manager's junior who gave me permission to do something he shouldn't have then threw me under the bus.

They can all fuck right off (but I am not writing the email with my resignation until the morning because I know I might come across as a deranged harridan if I send it this evening and that's not the memory I want to leave them with).

I'm sorry but haven't read all but do send all the best and all the fuck off wishes to you all.

My anxiety can fuck off. There's literally no point to it and no reason for it. And yet it is there. Fuck off.

This has really cheered me up, loved reading all the comments. 😂
Now for my order, can I have 1 please, one for dsd who is a druggie ponce and thinks everyone should pay for her habit and support her kids while she sniffs her benefits up her nose.
Much appreciated. X

Could I have a large one for the abscess which appeared in my groin yesterday?

Slightly drained with mag sulphate but still a rock solid angry fucker that needs to fuck right off!

If you have any fucks left to give could I have 2?

1. Depression
2. Chronic pain If none left I'm happy to go on a waiting list...........

May I please have one? For the sneaky waves of grief that strike when you are just going about your business. Fuck right off.

Thank you for this lovely service.

to all of those who could use them

Sorry to all the posters I have missed, there are plenty left and appear to have s long shelf life.

Please help yourself everyone.

Fuck offs for all

Please can I have two? For the doctors who dismiss womens symptoms, any and all symptoms, as anxiety or psychological or "menopause and put up with it". Meaning women wait years longer than men for proper diagnoses. Also for the NHS closing ranks and trying to intimate into silence whistleblowers or patients who raise concerns. Thanks loads in advance.

Send my share to Boris fucking .johnson and his dickhead mates, especially that nob Rees Mogg. Ta

Thank you, OP. It’s a long story, but she’ll be ok.

Can I be greedy and ask for a third. I know it’s asking a lot, but can I ask for one for my food scales that I’ve now discovered are faulty, AFTER weighing out the frozen roasties, followed by the ice cream for dessert. I may add that I’m in slimming world, was delighted I could eat so much after weighing out the foods so carefully. Realised something didn’t seem right, when I noticed how much was left in the tub and discovered that the weight was twice as much as the scales told me! 😱

I’m at the weigh in tomorrow. FUCKING LYING FOOD SCALES!

Fuck off food scales. I see what you’re at! You’re a fucking feeder!

I feel a bit trivial compared with others, but I'll take one for my unstable ankle which keeps fucking spraining itself spontaneously and making me fall over like a tit in front of other people.

And one for my neighbours, whose idea of feeding the birds is to leave a whole unsliced loaf of bread on our communal terrace, just before we had 24 hours of rain, and who then has the nerve to complain to me because he saw a rat hanging around the building in broad daylight.

Ooh, can I have 2? One for my employer who is successfully managing me out by obliterating my family friendly work pattern, and one for the depression which has turned me into someone too weak to fight (at the moment)

I'll have one for the school who can't let me know if they have a space for my daughter (she's 10, so it's not like she's just joining school). I phoned a week ago to enquire as to the availability of a place, and still no answer. They should know their school roll, so it's a fucking simple enough question, requiring a simple yes or no answer. And this is Scotland, so they've been back for weeks already.