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Original poster

Do any other nurses think the job has made them horrible people?

122 replies

Reallydontcare · 05/09/2019 19:40

I came into nursing for the right reasons, to make a difference, blah blah blah.

Fast forward 8 years, and I hate people. Everyone. I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after. On my ward it's not unusual for patients to stay several weeks; if someone dies it does not bother me in the slightest.

I do my job, and I try to do it well. But it's all an act (I'm a bloody good actress). The moment I hand over to the next shift, I switch off. I read all the sickly sweet inspirational quotes people post about nursing and I laugh. I don't stay late. I make sure I take my full break because I don't get paid for it. I don't think about patients when I've finished my shift. I do not go the extra mile. I just don't care.

When I see disasters/atrocities on TV where hundreds of lives are lost, it doesn't bother me one bit. I just have no feelings whatsoever. The job has made me a horrible, horrible person.

Obviously the answer would be to leave and find a new career. But I'm single with a mortgage to pay, so retraining for something else is not an option.

Bearing in mind this is anonymous, does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
BentNeckLady · 05/09/2019 19:45

I was a police officer and it made me feel the same way so I left and got a different job.

It doesn’t sound like nursing is for you.

chocolatespiders · 05/09/2019 19:47

How about changing the field of nursing you are working in to re inspire you?

Ikeameatballs · 05/09/2019 19:52

Not a nurse but I actually think what you describe is emotional burnout. You have been consistently required to meet the physical and emotional needs of people in distress often, I’d guess, in very difficult working conditions. Your lack feelings is a combination of coping mechanism with desensitisation.

So....I don’t think it's healthy for you to keep doing this every day. Is there any way you could change your role?

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Chinnychinnychinnychib · 05/09/2019 19:54

I don’t think you sound like a horrible person. You sound like a person who has had to emotionally distance yourself from the human pain you have to witness and can’t do much about. Ultimately you have to cope and it this is how you do it it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It sounds like it’s not making you happy though. Maybe some counselling?

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 05/09/2019 19:57

Also: ward ward nursing is fucking hard. What about community or practice nursing?

EleanorLavish · 05/09/2019 19:58

I’m a front line NHS nurse and adore my job. 99% of patients and people are fab.
I’d be so miserable in any job if I wasn’t feeling it.
Definitely start looking for something else OP. You don’t sound happy, and life is too short, as you well know.

Unshriven · 05/09/2019 20:01

Most jobs are an act.

You take the money and play the part.

The people you are aerning money for obviously matter more than the people you work for.

Original poster
Reallydontcare · 05/09/2019 20:01

I moved to my current ward last year, thinking it would change the way I feel, but it's made it worse. I am looking for something else, but there are very few vacancies this time of year with all the newly qualified nurses starting. Believe me if I could find a job paying the same salary that wasn't nursing, I'd snap it up!

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsisreal · 05/09/2019 20:02

As a nurse, I think it's time you looked for pastures new, whether that's in a different nursing role or some other job entirely. You can stay, and some do for years and years, but you're not doing yourself or your patients any favours.

MaryPoppinsisreal · 05/09/2019 20:03

Also, I second a job in community. What about health visiting, or school nursing? Ward hours are a bastard.

theconstantinoplegardener · 05/09/2019 20:03

I think in this line of work you have to harden yourself/learn to switch off when you leave, to an extent. If you were really upset every time a patient died, you'd be an emotional wreck.

However, I do think there's a problem if you don't care at all about your patients while you are there looking after them. Ask yourself honestly if your feelings impact on the care you give your patients: the elderly person left sitting on the commode a little too long, the mouthcare forgotten, the painkillers not given . Could you be burnt out in your current role? Would you be able to change to a clinic, GP surgery or occupational health position? Perhaps a change of role would help refresh you.

neversaw · 05/09/2019 20:05

Why isn’t she doing her patients any favours?

Mlou32 · 05/09/2019 20:06

It's called compassion fatigue. Read up on it, it might help you to understand why you feel the way you feel. I'm a nurse and feel the same way at times.

Loopytiles · 05/09/2019 20:06

You’re working to do a good job, so the main issue here is taking care of your mental health and wellbeing.

Tiredmum100 · 05/09/2019 20:13

I've been qualified for 14 years. I currently work in the community, I've worked on medical wards and AMAU departments in two different hospitals. I will never return to the ward to work as it completely burns you out. The community is very busy, (contrary to popular belief we don't sit around drinking tea) but a totally different busy to the ward. I take my breaks but will stay late if needed. I do think about my patients when I go off shift though, I don't really cry if someone dies but I do get upset seeing the family upset. You're not a horrible person, maybe it just isn't the job for you any more and there's no shame in that. Maybe you just need a change? How long have you felt like this?

Eastie77 · 05/09/2019 20:25

Most people dislike their jobs and have to put on a game face. I don't think you're a bad person. I'm sure many medical professionals hear about disasters where multiple lives have been lost and carry on with their day without giving it a second thought. Doing your job and switching off when you finish is fine and a healthy approach. Why should you dwell on what occurred at work or mourn the passing of a patient who was a stranger to you?

There seems to be widely held belief that nurses must all love their jobs and are angels on earth which I've always found a bit odd.

You do sound utterly miserable though and I think a new career would be the best move.

managedmis · 05/09/2019 20:27

I don't see why this would hinder your ability to nurse properly, though? You don't need to bring emotions into everything?

I don't give a shit about my job etc, but people at work wouldn't believe that about me at all. I still do a good job.

Knitclubchatter · 05/09/2019 20:32

been there, eventually found my nook and cranny and my passion.
you too will find yours.
i have a friend who has difficulty with relationships (i suspect possibly ASD) and has done amazingly well in the OR suite.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/09/2019 20:39

I joke that my job has made me dead and cold on the inside, but it is not really a joke. I know that what I'm experiencing is trauma (it is my job to assess trauma) but that doesn't actually help.

I don't know any nurses who have stuck in the profession for more than a decade who don't feel this way. It's why we all have a really dark sense of humour.

I don't hate my patients though. I care about them and I want to best for them.

harrypotterfan1604 · 05/09/2019 20:43

Nursing is an incredibly difficult career but it sounds to me like your at breaking point.
A new career path is probably the only option

savingshoes · 05/09/2019 21:00

You are not alone. I often hear nurses say they dislike humans but love animals, that they could never be a vet because it would make them so sad.
You spend the majority of your life in work you should definitely get job satisfaction most weeks at the bare minimum... you only get one life and in your area of work, you know how fragile it can be.

RosiePosiePuddle · 05/09/2019 21:05

It sounds like classic burn out.

novasglowx · 05/09/2019 21:34

That was harrowing to read, especially given the state that the NHS is in. There's burnout but then there's an utter absence of humanity and empathy. If people actually manage to receive NHS care these days (and many don't) I shudder to think that the person caring for them is utterly indifferent. I get that no one can allow themselves to be sucked into grief for every person who dies because you have to remain able to continue caring for others, but your feelings towards your patients are shocking. This is not the job for you. They are people, just like you or members of your own family. If you can't connect with them on some level then you are doing them a disservice.

isitfridayyet1 · 05/09/2019 21:51

I don't think this is the career for you OP!

InsertFunnyUsername · 05/09/2019 21:59

I dont think you are horrible but it is uncomfortable to read that a nurse doesn't care about her patients. I do think it's the kind of job where that's needed obviously.

I dont know, I know I couldn't be a nurse. They are a much needed part of society, so I dont blame you. I just think you should look at leaving before it impacts your ability to care for people.

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