Do any other nurses think the job has made them horrible people?

[Reallydontcare]

I came into nursing for the right reasons, to make a difference, blah blah blah.

Fast forward 8 years, and I hate people. Everyone. I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after. On my ward it's not unusual for patients to stay several weeks; if someone dies it does not bother me in the slightest.

I do my job, and I try to do it well. But it's all an act (I'm a bloody good actress). The moment I hand over to the next shift, I switch off. I read all the sickly sweet inspirational quotes people post about nursing and I laugh. I don't stay late. I make sure I take my full break because I don't get paid for it. I don't think about patients when I've finished my shift. I do not go the extra mile. I just don't care.

When I see disasters/atrocities on TV where hundreds of lives are lost, it doesn't bother me one bit. I just have no feelings whatsoever. The job has made me a horrible, horrible person.

Obviously the answer would be to leave and find a new career. But I'm single with a mortgage to pay, so retraining for something else is not an option.

Bearing in mind this is anonymous, does anyone else feel the same?

I don't stay late. I make sure I take my full break because I don't get paid for

Good - and I say this as a patient. Until recently I was in several times a year for spells varying between several days and four months.

On every single admission I saw good nurses absolutley on their knees carrying crap colleagues who were bone fucking idle. Management who didn't give a damn.

I fully support any HCP working to rule.

I second reading about COMPASSION FATIGUE.

It makes you feel feeling that seem not very caring. This is not the case it is because you are in self-preservation.

Not in nursing but similar front line public sector. I had to leave and got a new role...it changed my life!!!

You don't sound horrible, you sound burnt out. The NHS did that to me too. I firmly believe it triggered my anxiety and depression journey. I'd say try some sessions with a counsellor/psychologist to try to clear your thoughts and understand them. Blaming yourself and negative self talk is a slippery slope in my experience.

Not working for free does not make you a horrible person. I wish everyone else would stop.

You're all cared out. That's ok and nothing to be ashamed about.

Could you try something different like others are suggesting.

I do believe people in caring jobs get cared out. Nursery workers get their fill of other peoples kids, youth workers get cared out caring about other peoples teenagers ect. Each caring role will get this. Could you do something different like others have suggested, maybe Brook sexual health stuff would be different enough? Or being the LAC nurse ect.

OP. Leave nursing. Do it now. Your absolute indifference for your patients and your complete lack of empathy is incredibly disturbing to read. At the very least I think you are burned out and suffering from compassion fatigue. Can you honestly tell me that your attitude is not compromising your ability to deliver the standard of care expected of you by the NMC.

Haven’t read all the posts but my friend who was a nurse left and did a course in lip fillers and Botox. Now she’s much richer and happier. You have to have a medical degree to set up your own practise. Training course and you’re in!

It’s an idea.... 220 per mil. Takes 20 mins per client, even only 8 a day is 1,720 per day.... everyone’s doing this near me.

Sorry 1760 per day x

There's burnout but then there's an utter absence of humanity and empathy.

And how can you differentiate between the two from words on a forum? As a former nurse it sounds completely like compassion fatigue to me.

The question is, do you do a good job when you are at work? I'm a nurse. I've actually been given feedback that I'm very good at my job, and I make sure I do a good job when I'm at work and make sure the patients are treated well. But I don't get particularly emotionally attached to patients anymore, and as soon as I'm out the door I forget about it and focus on my own life and family. In some ways I think it's healthier than the nurses that are unable to switch off and can't professionally detach.

It does sound like compassion fatigue and sadly from my experiences in hospitals, it's not uncommon.

I'm not sure what you can do about it beyond leave, but I can tell you how distressing it is to be an advocate for a patient and pleading to nurses who just clearly do not give a shit. And I absolutely believe that affected the quality of care that my partner received because they stopped seeing him as a human with feelings.

@TeaLibrary as I've said previously, if I could leave nursing right now, I would. But having a mortgage to pay kind of makes it difficult.

And my attitude is a drop in the ocean when it comes to barriers to being able to provide the care demanded by the NMC. As I said, I do the job, but having 13 fully dependent patients to one nurse, including open visiting so 12.5 hours of constant demands for updates from families, is pretty fucking impossible.

I can witness the suffering of most patients and go home after my shift and not give it a second thought. I don’t think this makes me bad at my job, I’ve just seen it all before, I know what I can do to help/where to escalate concerns if necessary and I have accepted that a certain amount of suffering is inevitable. I can listen and be supportive to patients for a short period of time but I don’t give of myself emotionally like I used to when I started nursing. I don’t buy into the notion that it is feasible or helpful to get emotionally involved.

@Reallydontcare

I think every nurse on a busy ward trying to do 100 things all get that heart sink moment every time a relative asks for "a quick word". It's never actually quick for a start, and when you are already drowning under stuff to do each day it's hard to feel enthusiastic about having to spend another 20 minutes catching up with another set of relatives.

I hate open visiting. I have no idea who thinks it's a good idea.

I also think OP if you are at the stage where you hate your patients and hate your working environment then you very urgently need a career change before you potentially cause harm to a patient in your care. I absolutely understand how awful ward nursing is. Its bloody hard work and I see what it does to nurses over a prolonged period. You are not a horrible person. You do need a new career direction though because you sound very unhappy.

I'm not a nurse but I know a boatload of them and I've seen this happen to every single one of them. Most teachers, police officers and social workers I know are in this boat, too.
I quit one of those professions because I was just completely empty after giving it my all, over and over, trying to help people and seeing nothing change/improve in the long run. I'm much happier self-employed doing something different.
Nobody goes into a caring profession with the wrong attitude (or at least, those who do tend to get squeezed out by the pressures of training) but eventually the supply of fucks to give runs empty.
I love how many judgy people there are on this thread who literally have no fucking clue how hard these jobs are or that a lot of the people doing these jobs are just hanging on by a thread emotionally because we're all very good at being professional.
I have no answers, OP, but I hope it works out for you.

Being time poor massively diminishes empathy too. 13 dependent patients is madness and feeling harassed by family members is also deeply unpleasant. I don’t have a lot of empathy for family members who turn up after morning rounds with a plethora of non-urgent questions and seem miffed you won’t summon the doctor back immediately.

Yes I feel the same. I did nursing for 30 years, gave it everything I'd got but it's wrecked my mental health and I think I have compassion fatigue now. Like you I read all those sickly quotes on face book and feel nothing.

I should add that I have left Nursing and do a different career now !

I loved nursing for years then suffered complete and utter burnout and ended up totally numb. Decided it was time for a change for my own mental health.
I'm now retrained as an NHS podiatrist and can cope with that. I don't see any one patient for more than 25 minutes.
It isn't healthy to feel the way you are feeling OP and sounds like you need to work in a different field of nursing for a while. Maybe outpatients or health visiting possibly.
Community nursing is far less mentally damaging.

I’m not a nurse but I’m in another HCP role and have seen many, many colleagues end up feeling this way from working on wards. It’s really, really hard.

Many have switched to community or theatre and found themselves much happier and engaged in their work.

I 2nd (or 3rd) compassion fatigue. You don't have the emotional resource to feel saddened/ shocked etc. whenever there's something upsetting as it happens multiple times a day. And we just get used to it. I'm a GP and I feel a little numb at times as I can have 5+ patients a day saying they are suicidal so it just doesn't shock me anymore. I always notice I feel more after a holiday so some element of burn out is possible.
I think it's partly the nature of the beast. Try to perhaps challenge yourself to open up to connect with people even if it's just a bit as you'll both benefit from it. But don't be too hard on yourself if you don't get emotional /overly invested as ultimately it's self preservation

Well it sounds like you’re still doing your job well (personally I don’t care if my nurse cares as long as they do the essential bits.) and I don’t think you’re a horrible person. They wouldn’t care about not caring if you see what I mean.

You have two options really: plan your escape route or explore ways to cope. Hard to do when you’re burnt out (as you clearly are). But the only way to change is if you start making small steps. Talking to someone you trust about how you feel (mn is just not the same as real life support) &/or looking at career options - sideways moves etc. Can you book some time off and start planning how to use that time to improve things for yourself?

I had a stressful job that was slowly driving me bonkers... I started applying for sideways moves, looked at adjusting finances for a poss pay cut. I’m glad I did. I didn’t realise how miserable I was til I got out.

Sounds like you need to take care of your emotional well being. You say you just don't care, but you sound unhappy about it. Maybe it's time to look into why you feel that way? Maybe see a professional, if you think feeling differently would be better for you. If you're perfectly happy with your emotional state and you're doing your job to the best of your abilities, then I'd say carry on. As long as you're truly not affecting your patients.