Do any other nurses think the job has made them horrible people?

[Reallydontcare]

I came into nursing for the right reasons, to make a difference, blah blah blah.

Fast forward 8 years, and I hate people. Everyone. I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after. On my ward it's not unusual for patients to stay several weeks; if someone dies it does not bother me in the slightest.

I do my job, and I try to do it well. But it's all an act (I'm a bloody good actress). The moment I hand over to the next shift, I switch off. I read all the sickly sweet inspirational quotes people post about nursing and I laugh. I don't stay late. I make sure I take my full break because I don't get paid for it. I don't think about patients when I've finished my shift. I do not go the extra mile. I just don't care.

When I see disasters/atrocities on TV where hundreds of lives are lost, it doesn't bother me one bit. I just have no feelings whatsoever. The job has made me a horrible, horrible person.

Obviously the answer would be to leave and find a new career. But I'm single with a mortgage to pay, so retraining for something else is not an option.

Bearing in mind this is anonymous, does anyone else feel the same?

I felt exactly the same at Christmas. I felt sick when I thought of going to work, the stress was phenomenal and I was ready to quit nursing. I applied for all the community posts I could find, I now work with an amazing team.
I've found my love of nursing again, my work life balance is so much better, no nights and my salary hasn't changed greatly.
I can spend time with my patients and care for them properly. It's busy, sometimes frustrating, but not on the scale of front line hospital nursing.

im a police officer.

i came to the career late which may be my saving grace - ive not changed fundamentally as a person.

but i relate to hating people. some people deserve to be hated. and im usually 'good cop'

people also have the most unrealistic expectations ever. doesnt help.

On a.much smaller scale lve cared for my Mil for years to whom l was very close and loved her company. Then gradually with age etc she gradually needed me more and at first l was the dutiful caring DIL and genuinely loved helping her keep her independence etc etc and was glad to do it and still enjoyed her company. Fast forward a few years and l am at best completely indifferent to her on a good day and on a bad day l feel as if l hate her and the hairs on back of my neck stand up with even a phonecall from her and l've even shouted 'fuck off' at the phone when l see it's her name calling. I can't even explain how resentful l feel of every hour she steals from my life which is how l see it now not as spending time with someone l enjoy the company of. I feel so terrible as this just isn't me at all.

@Reallydontcare I also work in hospital (although I'm something else) and feel exactly the same.

My patients- most of them are moany, entitled, rude, impatient. They don't seem to understand my role is more than being with them.
Some of them are very rude, NHS says a lot about caring for our staff but does nothing. I once refused to attend a patient and got reprimanded.

I feel u

She has got increasingly demanding and difficult l might add and l just feel lve no more to give and have switched off any feelings l had for her.

Definitely compassion fatigue. It's rampant. Doesn't make you a bad person but it does mean you need a change. To self care.
There are loads of nursing jobs about., more than I ever remember really. We recruit about 30 every 2 months. Maintain about half of them. I worked 14 hours today and I had one meal closer to most normal peoples evening dinner time.
I'm changing tack in my career, taking a cut in pay for a few years. if you don't have a good work life balance you've got nothing. There will be other posts. You just got to rekindle your nursing mojo. Good luck OP.

I am so glad the OP has receive some understanding.

About 4 years ago, I posted something similar; about the inhumane demands; the rude and entitled relatives; the utter disregard of upper management to our plight (not nursing, but similar coal-face); the sheer burnout.

One poster, cactus somebody did for me. S/he was an utter, vile bitch towards me for revealing my end-of-tether vulnerability as they felt I was a disgrace to my profession etc....But maybe S/he did me a favour.

I walked.

Yeah, the service I was a major player in subsequently collapsed, but heigh ho.

The fact you have recognised your issues is evidence you are not horrible.

I used to be a complaints manager in the NHS, used to try and resolve issues, ringing Gs and dentists and phrmacists. After a few years, really didn't care so much as the verbal abuse on the phone from the people I couldn't help was too much for me.

Nursing isn't for you is it?

I think I would probably feel the same way as you if I were on a ward too. I moved into ICU about 15 years ago and never looked back. It’s so dynamic and things can change so fast and I like that. I never get bored but by the same token, because I only have one or two patients to look after, I have the time to really be thorough and know that I’m doing my job to the best of my abilities. Of course it’s a hard slog sometimes but honestly I think I’d go work in a supermarket before I went back to ward nursing. There is very little job satisfaction on a ward and you can barely keep up with the bare minimum because of your patient load, let alone go above and beyond for your patients.

You went into nursing for a reason. I don’t think you should walk away from it but you do sound stuck in a rut and need a career shakeup. Can you look into other avenues of nursing like critical care, community nursing, theatres, midwifery etc?

Brilliant post!
I was a good person. Lost all my sympathy through nursing. Became a monster after too many years of being downtrodden.

And unless you have nursed in a professional capacity for almost 30 years... You have no idea what the op is talking about.

Oh dear no, of course you are not horrible. You keep some emotional distance from your patients - that's good in my opinion. You don't get upset when they die - of course you don't, they are not your relatives or friends , you have no reason to be upset.

I was a nurse for over 40 years and I always felt like you do. Caring for my patients was my job and I did it well, but I never had any of those sickly-sweet, greeting-card feelings for them. They didn't need that . They needed someone to make them comfortable, make sure they got the right medications , had their dressings done correctly, and did all the procedures that they needed to help them to recover. And they need someone who can talk to them about their health status ( and their feelings about that ) without trying to be their best friend.

The people who get burned out in nursing are the ones who do express all those emotions - crying when someone dies, getting all emotional when talking to relatives , etc. After a few years of that they are burned out because their emotions have been over-used . People like you actually do better , because you don't let every patient turn you into an emotional wreck.

Change the area where you work, if you feel like you need a change. But don't ever think you are a horrible person because you treat nursing as a job instead of a religious calling !

I think that as long as you can act like yo care there is really no problem. In fact, you're probably in a better position that a nurse who goes home every day consumed by the job and feelings for the work and patients.

Surely you are in the ideal situation if you don't give a shit as you are paid well for a steady job that doesn't impact you emotionally?

Nurses are treated like crap and the NHS isn't a great employer.

I was only admin but I can imagine how this happens. You often have to just accept that you are going to provide a poor service because you don't have the power to change much.

Constant pressure doesn't help. One of my lowest moments came after I'd been manning the office single handed for a while due to annual leave and a patient phoned and spoke very slowly. I remember this feeling of loathing washed over me and I felt like telling him to speed things up because I didn't have the time. Obviously he was very ill and was trying to manage communicating something complicated as best he could.

It's all well and good telling the OP to look for another job but there will be so many in this situation.

Jesus, you’ve been working on a ward for 8 years?! No wonder you are at the end of your tether.

I managed 4 years, moved to an associate specialist role in 2013. Even in 2013 ward work was stressful, thankless, and impossible to give even half the care people needed. I look at my ward based colleagues now and wonder how on Earth they are doing it. The pressures have only got worse, and as much as trust executives churn out their ‘patient focused’ lines, everything is focused on discharges and turnaround.

I wasn’t feeling quite as bad as you (but had only done it half as long), but would certainly not stay late unless an emergency, and rarely thought about patients out of work.

In my current role, I really am able to focus on patients and their families. I can give them the care and attention they deserve, and spend as much time with them as they need. This job is interesting, challenging, and I really am able to see the difference I am making.

In addition, as a ward nurse I was a band 5, then 6. That work was physically, mentally and emotionally draining. I came out of work every shift with a headache, through stress and hunger. Ridiculous shift patterns of nights / long days with little time to recover in between. I now work 9-5, (including weekends etc), in a rewarding, interesting role. I am paid a band 7.

You have a lot of experience, have you a particular area of nursing you are interested in? Would you consider a specialist role?

It's compassion fatigue as pp mentioned and it's well known in the nursing profession. There are ways to rehabilitate yourself, as you are suffering the effects of other people's trauma. You're not a horrible person.

No way could I ward nurse (or hospital nurse) for that amount of time. I've been in the community for ten years. I've been invested in and nurtured so I'm now a nurse practitioner. I love it. Every day is interesting and I love the patients. Move. Leave the hospital. Come to the community. It's fab

Could you get a secondment to another position for 6 to 12 months? You need to try hard to get out of your current situation as it seems pretty severe particularly after 8 years.

Would you consider a management role somewhere or teaching nursing?

I have done a similar job for decades. I have had to leave now and again just to decompress. My MH has been bad for the last year and it's related to traumas I have experienced at work. I genuinely wish I had realised that I am not a good fit for the job as I feel things too deeply and get mentally injured so I know how you feel OP. I have always been happier doing factory work and the like. Job and finish is better for my MH. It's taken a long time for me to realise this sadly.

I hear you op and I’m 30 years into a nursing career.
I do genuinely care for patients still.

That is it though. Everything else I have been battered and abused down to dust.

I have been spectacularly let down, dropped from a great height, forced out of jobs and walked all over repeatedly by most people I have come into contact with over the years.

I am at that place where I am again searching job boards for something else, feeling desperate and feeling trapped.

Ive tried all sorts, it’s all as bad as the last job because of appalling management, cuts and a completely broken system.

My patients though are still my only focus while at work. I still get affected by tragedy and god awful situations that bring them to us, my breath is regularly taken away by the horrific circumstances surrounding our patients.
If I could leave tomorrow I would.

I've been a nurse since 1991. I moved into management then education. It's time you moved into a different area. You have burn out and you are at risk of not protecting patients if you feel this way. I'm not surprised you do. I'm sure many nurses feel this way now but to protect yourself and others make a change.

It sounds like it I'd having quite a significant impact on your mental health. I wonder if you need some help for that first, before you make decisions about the next step. I've had jobs where the targets and outcomes are impossible to achieve. It sound like this is the case in your role. So that's going to make the job awful regardless of what it is.

I work in the NHS and bloody hate it. It’s only the pension that’s keeping me going right now. It seems a shame now you’ve trained not to use your skills though, have you thought about being a specialist nurse?

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