Do any other nurses think the job has made them horrible people?

[Reallydontcare]

I came into nursing for the right reasons, to make a difference, blah blah blah.

Fast forward 8 years, and I hate people. Everyone. I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after. On my ward it's not unusual for patients to stay several weeks; if someone dies it does not bother me in the slightest.

I do my job, and I try to do it well. But it's all an act (I'm a bloody good actress). The moment I hand over to the next shift, I switch off. I read all the sickly sweet inspirational quotes people post about nursing and I laugh. I don't stay late. I make sure I take my full break because I don't get paid for it. I don't think about patients when I've finished my shift. I do not go the extra mile. I just don't care.

When I see disasters/atrocities on TV where hundreds of lives are lost, it doesn't bother me one bit. I just have no feelings whatsoever. The job has made me a horrible, horrible person.

Obviously the answer would be to leave and find a new career. But I'm single with a mortgage to pay, so retraining for something else is not an option.

Bearing in mind this is anonymous, does anyone else feel the same?

I had compassion fatigue when I was a band 6 in A&E, so I went on a secondment somewhere else for 1.5 years - it went away, I went back to A&E as a band 7 in a much better state.

You need a new job.

If you where such a horrible person you would not even be asking the question! Nursing is hard , hard. I think you sound burnt out. ?would a different ward, department help. ? Is there a trusted senior you could speak with. Care for yourself - talk with friends, exercise and eat well

I hear you OP. 30+ years of various roles/grades/ bands
The NHS took my youth, optimism, mental and physical health. I had to stop.

I am saddened to read such amazing people so dissatisfied with their roles and lost connection with a great profession. I have been a nurse for 32 years and over time I have watched the profession change. I specialised in cardiacs intensive care. As a staff nurse & sister it was one of the most reward privileged & happy jobs ever. It was different times where we had consistent teams and delivered consistent care. Agency was rare and patient complaints also. Our seniors would support us 100% and deal with any issues with us constructively as they knew we were dealing with humans that fail & do not walk a care pathway in a rigid manner. We did not spend hours at a computer. We made reports throughout the day that, in my view were much more human specific than the time consuming paper chain that is in place today. We had a good nursing structure that was stupidly screwed up with the advent of project 2000 where people who would make great hands on nurses could not access the profession because degree was the way forward not diploma. The pressure of litigation, poor continuity of teams, sense of value and autonomy to make decisions based on evidence and experienced knowledge has been lost and it’s a mechanical handmaiden scenario that has too much workload and not enough support.
Shame. I left the profession as a matron clinical services manager. I got so tired of hierarchy pressure that was text book not practical. I can totally understand the discordance of the above. But how sad this once fabulous profession has left those who fight for those they care for everyday.

OP

I’m not a nurse but have had to spend a lot of time with them due to my own health problems and elderly parent problems.

I’ve always wondered how they deal with the endless conveyor belt of humanity. One reason I can’t care about humanity going extinct is because it’s about bloody time! For your own mental health, you might want to do another job. But dont think for a minute that you’re bad in any way. What you do is amazing.

I left nursing to become a sahm. I'd never go back
I was enthusiastic, caring and clever (got a 1st degree).
But I got burnt out after only 8 years. I think I had compassion fatigue too.

I’m a (fairly recently) retired hospital doctor, so well aware of the pressure on ward nurses and the relentless nature of the job.
But I think anybody would suffer burn out if they tried to be emotionally involved with their work!
Patients are not your relatives or loved ones. They need your professional care, not for you to sit sobbing in empathy with their presumed suffering!
I was (among other things) the clinical lead for special needs anaesthesia, dealing with some heart rending patients and their stressed exhausted relatives, the ECT anaesthetist dealing with suicidal depressives, and I also ran a phobic sedation service for the hospital dentists, along with my regular theatres lists putting scared, demented, high risk elderly patients through major surgery.
All of these patients were emotionally challenging. But I saw it as my duty to be professionally detached, so that I could give them kind, supportive, humane, appropriate, skilled care- without burning out myself.
Of course I felt sorry for them, and I’ve even prayed with some that I knew were fellow Christians. But every night I closed the hospital door and went home to my DC, knowing that I’d done the best job I could.

If I found a particular case upsetting, I gave it to God in my bedtime prayers and let it go.
It’s a huge satisfaction and privilege to work with patients to support them through the most stressful times of their lives, but it requires professionalism, not emotional overinvolvement.
If you are unable to detach or switch off, OP, you should switch to a clinic or admin role, where your emotions will not be such a burden. Good luck!

I don't think you sound horrible at all. You do the work, well by the sounds of it, while acting pleasant enough. That's all that's needed to be a great nurse imo. It doesn't affect the patient in any way if you aren't thinking about them after work.

A nurse is a job like any other. You don't have to be an angel. Do accountants have to cry over their clients finances? Do cleaners stay up all night thinking about their clients homes? Why does a nurse have to take everything on so personally, and be happy to lose money by missing breaks/working unpaid ot?

I think it's because it's historically a women's job. Mens jobs are valued and paid, but womens jobs like nursing should be done for the love of it, because all women just love caring so much. Obviously that attitude is way out of date but persists somehow.

Also, I also work in health and I think we do a better job if you are a bit detached. Sometimes we have to do things that hurt people, like insert cannulas, change dressings, etc. Of course I do it as kindly as possible but the bottom line is it has to be done. Better to do it quickly rather than stand there hand wringing over it and dragging it out. Or not even be there as you are at home on stress leave, crying over a patient that died last week.

So sorry to read this. I am a nurse but I have moved into nurse education due to back problems.

You are not a horrible person. You need some time away from the bedside and to find your niche elsewhere. The knowledge and skills you have along with the resilience you clearly have to have made it through eight years will stand you in good stead.

Nursing is a really wide and varied role. Look at research positions, clinical education, specialist nurse roles etc...

When you do your training they tell you that you can change the world - you can't, I was completely disillusioned pretty quickly - I relinquished my PIN and now manage nursing homes, I still have my qualification, my SO has no idea I'm qualified, so much is expected from you on a personal level, although it does come in handy when he damages himself 😂 I love managing homes, there where you actually can make a difference (if you have a great boss/company) with full autonomy!!

Sorry but you need to leave and find another job.

I'm really ill at the moment and have been in and out of hospital quite a bit. The fact that you've just said you couldn't care if I died has really upset me. It's actually frightening.

I totally understand the job is shit and that you're overworked, underpaid etc and can understand nurses leave because of that but to say you don't actually enjoy the 'nursing' bit is awful. Find another job where you're not working with people at their mpst vulnerable ffs.

Basically what Nova said more eloquently than me.

The fact that you've just said you couldn't care if I died has really upset me. It's actually frightening

I’m sorry you’re so unwell Greyhound. Just because OP says someone dying doesn’t bother her doesn’t mean she would be negligent with their care. I was a nurse for over forty years and for me, yes, someone dying is sad, for them and their loved ones, but for me it was part of the job and not something that I would think about after the event. That does not mean that I wouldn’t give them the best care I could but emotionally, no, it didn’t really touch me because they weren’t my relative or friend.

No Alexa - I'm not expecting OP to wail and wring her hands if one of her patients dies but saying you don't care if they die does suggest a certain negligence to me I'm afraid - I've had a fucking awful time in hospital- not getting pain relief- my referrals being lost and nurses ignoring me telling them I've got a UTI. I actually said to DH 'they're going to let me die in here'.

This lack of empathy is absolutely systemic throughout the NHS and it needs dealing with.

There have also been some fabulous healthcare staff and just a kind word or a bit of interest in you can make a big difference to an awful day.

I'm a nurse and completely recognise how you feel op. I'm currently off sick with stress caused by work. The effects of an impossible workload, unrealistic demands and unsupportive management have wrecked my physical and mental health. I just feel numb to it all now.
I broke down at work a month ago and told my manager I didn't feel safe to deliver the care that my patients needed. I was then berated for turning up to work and letting the side down.
I don't even feel angry about it, just weirdly detached. I decided that day that I was no longer a nurse and felt huge relief. I've got savings I can live off for a while but I will not go back to nursing.

I'm with greyhound on this one. I've never ever felt so vulnerable and, yes, afraid, as I was years ago on a ward in the Cancer Centre at the Q.E. hospital, birmingham, anchored to my bed after double mastectomy surgery.Nights were particularly bad.No one would help me access food or water and I was told to "piss the bed" when I asked for a commode. The one nurse who came round,asking us if we needed anything and tidying up our notes clipped to the end of the bed and making sure that the right notes were attached to the right patient was openly mocked by the other nurses - her name was Theresa and they referred to her as Saint Theresa.
This was years ago but when my cancer came back and I needed a hysterectomy, I paid and went Private.

Oh, and I'm RMN btw. I thought that the two most vulnerable groups in society were the very young and the very old. I hadn't realized that there's a third group = the physically disabled and that was the group i (temporarily found myself in.

I'm an HCA & have worked in hospitals since 2001.
I really care about my patients & feel quite stressed & upset if anything bad happens to them.
I hate seeing people scared or in pain.
I always go the extra mile for my patients.
But I'm careful never to get too emotionally involved or attached to protect my own poor mental health.
I think that if a patient you know dies it's normal to feel upset & if you don't feel anything then it's time to examine whether the job is actually for you.
I do always hide my feelings from relatives & patients as they need me to be strong & supportive.

I have encountered nurses who were negligent or delivered poor care but I think the op is describing something different - burnout or compassion fatigue.
You don't sound like a horrible person op. You sound very self aware which will hopefully enable you to balance your feelings and protect yourself while you consider your next step.
Don't risk your health for this job. Nobody will thank you.

Nurse of 20 odd years working in a fairly high pressure area - critical care. I’ve noticed that many colleagues are on the whole level lovely to patients and go the extra mile but they’re bloody awful to their fellow nurses. Not sure whether it’s an ICU thing but the level of bitchiness and just general nastiness is astounding - like the school playground unfortunately.

OP - you are not a horrible person. I'm glad the majority of posters have been understanding/empathetic.
I started Nursing in 1973. Loved it! Had a number of years away, due to personal circumstances.
Have just, recently, let my Registration lapse - had enough.
Started on Staff Bank as HCA. I go on/off shift on time. I get all my proper meal breaks. I'm not disappearing under a mound of paperwork. I am not stressed. I'm not getting blamed for something that had nothing whatsoever to do with me etc. etc. etc.
tierraJ - HCA's are invaluable - the NHS couldn't function without them. However, I'm finding your posting quite sanctimonious, and, thinking you've not been working "frontline" since 2001?

@Greyhound22 @Katinski As I said in my OP, I do my job, and try to do it well. I won't leave you in pain. I'll get you a commode as soon as I can. I'll be kind and friendly. I am not negligent. But will I think about you when I finish my shift? No.

Maybe read your opening post.

Fast forward 8 years, and I hate people. Everyone. I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after. On my ward it's not unusual for patients to stay several weeks; if someone dies it does not bother me in the slightest.

That's not not thinking about your patients when you go home which I wouldn't expect you to. I don't even expect you to have more than a 'what a shame' thought if someone dies but what you have written is really fucking nasty.

'I don't care one bit about the patients I'm looking after' and you 'hate people'. You're telling me you look after people to the best of your ability. Do you never think that's someone's wife, mother, daughter? That could be a member of my family?

It doesn't upset me to know that you wouldn't think of me (if I were your patient) outside your shift. I don't need you to worry about me on your own time. I understand you might not always like me if I am behaving unreasonably, you aren't there to be my emotional and physical punchbag and I apologise if sometimes we forget that when we are in pain or are completely lost in our own worlds. Your job is bloody difficult and you provide empathy and care to those who are in crisis, I can't even begin to understand what that's like day to day.
But, as your patient I need you to think of yourself, replenish your own batteries, live your own life when you are outside of work. That way, when you are in work you can give me your undivided attention (alongside the countless other patients you probably have) and you are fully aware that you exist as a human being away from your role as a nurse.