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Original poster

As woodlice are detritivores.....

78 replies

Jux · 04/09/2019 12:55

...and if you had a carpet which had seen the kitchen accidents of many years, if you got a (very) large herd of woodlice and set them loose on the carpet, would they clean it up?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/09/2019 13:01

They might eat the carpet as well though.

CountSnackula · 04/09/2019 13:11

I assume you're working on the maggots-as-wound-cleaners principle, here? They eat the crap and leave the good stuff?

I'm also interested in where you would find this herd of woodlice. And what you would do with it afterwards.

Owlish · 04/09/2019 13:18

Genius! Do it and let us know how it turns out Grin

Owlish · 04/09/2019 13:20

Countsnackula, aren't woodlice basically land shrimps, or something similar? OP could eat them after they've done their job 🍽

EBearhug · 04/09/2019 13:24

In my experience, you'll end up with a load of spiders and empty woodlouse shells.

Though I appreciate the mental image if a load of woodlice all lined up and held with separate leads bunched together in the woodlouse herder's hand.

SoupDragon · 04/09/2019 13:55

In my experience....

So, you've tried it?

BinkySodPlop · 04/09/2019 14:17

Would you have to train them to respond to "you've missed a bit!"?

Afterwards, you could sell them on as miniature armadillos to people not usually allowed pets.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 04/09/2019 14:21

They surely could not keep it up all day - so you'd need to provide shelter for breaks and sleep - little woodlice huts

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 14:52

@CountSnackula, yes that exact thing! I would have to breed them or hunt them in the forest.

When they'd finished I'd hire them out to others. Via Amazon, like the herds of goats.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 14:57

Prokupatus, they don't need shelters, they just curl up into little balls, then you can roll them along to the next bit of carpet.

If they need rest breaks rather than sleep breaks then I could make a little house from a matchbox. I could make a teeny tiny pack of cards and maybe a Snakes & Ladders?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 15:00

Should I provide a coffee machine? Full of dh's used grounds, as they're detritivores they won't appreciate fresh. It might make them work faster too.

OP posts:
Weathergirl1 · 04/09/2019 15:02

I agree they'd eat the carpet. I lost a pair of nice knickers off my washing line (didn't realise they'd fallen off at the time) and found them several months later when I was clearing detritus from under a lavender bush - full of holes where they'd been munched by woodlice 😭 who knew woodlice liked the taste of (clean) M&S no VPL knickers 🤷

We have loads of the blighters in our back garden. They don't just eat dead leaf matter , as well as my nice knickers they also munch plants that are definitely not dead 😠

nunnun · 04/09/2019 15:02

What about fag breaks?

ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 15:02

You'd have to get the right species, not all of them roll.

However, I'm pretty sure they could be easily herded using their negative phototacticity.

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 15:20

Errol, I have two types out the back, one rolls beautifully and the other doesn't. I shall pick carefully.

I think negative phototacticity is marvellous (off to look up what it means now Grin) or is it one of your own?

nunnun they will have to cope with the elements if they want fags. Can't have them burning the carpet. I may disallow any breaks and work them 'til they drop. They're cheap labour. There may be whips and chains. Teeny tiny ones.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 15:30

Errol, they don't like light?

I found this academic.oup.com/jcb/article-abstract/39/1/1/5306031?redirectedFrom=fulltext which I thought would have been interesting, but can only get the Abstract. From this it seems that receptive females of that species will coincidentally go towards the light so I plan to use this knowledge in my breeding programme.....

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 15:34

If you're lucky you may be able to find some pregnant wood lice. They carry their eggs and tiny hatchlings in their underside.

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 15:36

Weathergirl1, the bastards! Not content with eating a carpet and nice live plants, they're saucy devils which feast on knickers. Whips, chains and no fag breaks is too good for 'em. I'm tempted to take them out to the forest and lose them. Serve them right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 15:40

Oh, Errol, you've made them all cute again. They shall have their rest breaks and !Yea! even their baccy breaks!

OP posts:
Weathergirl1 · 04/09/2019 15:40

@Jux 🤣🤣🤣

HairyDogsOfThigh · 04/09/2019 15:41

Bit like an organic robot vacuum cleaner, excellent green credentials as they don't need charging. As they don't like light, they'll be busiest at night, so you'd have to be careful if you came down in the night for a drink, you wouldn't want to tread on them all. That would make more mess and turn the others into cannibals. Lots to consider, op.

badg3r · 04/09/2019 15:56

What is the collective noun for woodlice?

A flock of woodlice
A nuisance of woodlice
A troubling of woodlice
A regiment of woodlice

Hmm.

ReapersHowler · 04/09/2019 16:08

If you eat them they taste like urine.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 16:13

Why would anyone know that? Confused

The problem I see with this ingenious plan - apologies if it's been mentioned - is that afaik no one has ever housetrained a woodlouse. So your carpet will become covered in woodlouse droppings.

BinkySodPlop · 04/09/2019 16:15

How about a Roomba of Woodlice?