Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

As woodlice are detritivores.....

78 replies

Jux · 04/09/2019 12:55

...and if you had a carpet which had seen the kitchen accidents of many years, if you got a (very) large herd of woodlice and set them loose on the carpet, would they clean it up?

OP posts:
Plainandsimple · 04/09/2019 16:15

I hate to ruin your fabulous plan, but eldest DS has just pointed out that they will urinate and defecate (he speaks very posh) as they go, so will leave behind just as much mess as they clear up Sad. Other than that, your plan is genius

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 16:15

Reaper, I won't eat them, then. Besides, they're my ticket to fortune.

badg3r, I have chosen Herd, but am tempted by Flock. As Hairy said, lots to consider.

OP posts:
DrFoxtrot · 04/09/2019 16:16

I have woodlice in my back room, there are about 10-15 dead ones on the floor each day Blush

Plainandsimple · 04/09/2019 16:17

Cross-post Errol Grin

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 16:41

I think I quite like "a pillory of woodlice".

OP posts:
Will0wtree · 04/09/2019 17:30

Woodlice stay in family groups, which sounds really sweet. But apparently the Niger ones in the family will then eat the littler ones if there isn't enough food available. Perhaps you will need an insect version of Clarice Starling to keep them in line. An ant would probably work well in the role, they seem quite industrious....

Will0wtree · 04/09/2019 17:31

Bigger ones, not niger ones

Plasebeafleabite · 04/09/2019 17:47

Can I just share with you this one that wandered in this morning? I would think again before providing a buffet because they can grow to BIG MUTHAS

As woodlice are detritivores.....
badg3r · 04/09/2019 17:53

I need a scale to appreciate this beauty properly!

EBearhug · 04/09/2019 18:01

An ant would probably work well in the role, they seem quite industrious....

It was ants which ate my knickers in Borneo, when they were on the washing line. I think there needs to be underwear-based risk assessment.

SoupDragon · 04/09/2019 18:05

What is it with the non-rolling woodlice? I'm sure when I was a child all of the rolled up. Are the non-rolling ones forriners?

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 18:37

Soup, I'm sure Errol knows. Perhaps they can run faster if they don't roll? We could have races on their days off if I bring a few non-rollers in from the forest too.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 18:41

I don't know, but I just learned something which makes your plan more feasible perhaps:

'Woodlice eat rotting plants, fungi and their own faeces, but they don’t pee! They get rid of their waste by producing strong-smelling chemical called ammonia, which passes out through their shells as a gas.'

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 19:04

Hurrah! Errol you have saved the day! I neither have to feed, nor water, them. Win-win!

I've made a teeny tiny set modelled on Exploding Kittens for their rest times. Am starting on the Snakes & Ladders tomorrow. I am also thinking of Woodlouse Monopoly; which tree do you think is the best producer of dead leaves and bark?

OP posts:
TinyMystery · 04/09/2019 19:15

Could I hire a small herd for under the high chair please?

Biscusting · 04/09/2019 19:25

May I pirouette in and impart some entrepreneurial wisdom....OP I think you are really on to something. Could perhaps the insects be herded into a container, dispersed over the carpet when required and hoovered up shortly after a la shake ‘n’ Vac style?

ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 19:33

Could I hire a small herd for under the high chair please?

A dog is more efficient for that job. Recommend a low profile model eg a dachshund.

TheNestedIf · 04/09/2019 20:40

What is the collective noun for woodlice?

In my case, it's "A bathroom of woodlice". Hmm

Trouble is, they might clean up all the crap on your floor. But then they crap on your floor.

TinyMystery · 04/09/2019 21:46

@ErrolTheDragon I keep trying to tell DH that 😬

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 22:35

@TinyMystery, I agree with that. And we don't want to go mixing dogs and woodlice, who knows where that would end.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 22:36

It's perfectly true, TinyMystery. When my DD was small I was fortunate enough to have a dachshund and a nanny. When she came back to visit a few years later, having moved on to a dogless family, she commented on how much more floor cleaning after meals she needed to do there. Maybe other breeds will do, but one which fits easily under a chair is obviously ideal.

Original poster
Jux · 04/09/2019 22:38

A Parliament of woodlice?

OP posts:
Will0wtree · 04/09/2019 22:43

The woodlice that can roll into a ball are known locally here as Pillbugs. (and possibly as REALLY cheap circus animals elsewhere).

According to Wiki they are slightly different species from your bog-standard non-rolling woodlice. "some other genera can roll up into an almost perfect sphere as a defensive mechanism; others have partial rolling ability but most cannot conglobate at all."

I have never come across the word conglomate before. I am rather more pleased with it than I should be. "I used to be able to conglomate as a child but my back (and large perimenopausal stomach) prevents me conglomating now. I miss the old conglomating days...."

Will0wtree · 04/09/2019 22:44

If I could spell conglobate correctly that might help going forwards..... (or indeed backwards)

ErrolTheDragon · 04/09/2019 23:07

A Parliament of woodlice?

No, I think that collective noun has been taken by owls and headless chickens.