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Original poster

Depression and anxiety. Can’t face going to work tomorrow.

89 replies

Dandelion2476 · 01/09/2019 22:01

I think I have depression and anxiety. I’m so tense and wound up. I’m apathetic about things I used to love and find it hard to find joy in anything.

In particular all my feelings stem from work. My boss is a narcissistic bully who plays mind games with me. I’ve been in the same stressful and very senior role for the last seven years and have just had two weeks off. Every few minutes I’ve checked my email and felt tense. I’m permanently anxious something is wrong. I’ve had a few very curt messages which normally indicate a problem.

I’ve spent almost all afternoon in tears and I’ve just thrown up all my dinner. I can only describe it as feeling abject fear.

I just don’t know what to do but I can’t go on like this. My poor children and DH are only getting a shadow of myself. I’ve just done the NHS test online about depression and it suggested I have severe depression and anxiety. I’m in my mid forties and have never been diagnosed or had mental health issues in the past. This has been going on and getting increasingly worse over the last 12 months. I just have no resilience to deal with it.

I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.

There is no HR at my workplace so that is not an option, it’s a small company and I report into the owner.

OP posts:

HotFeet · 01/09/2019 22:03

Don't do go in and call an emergency g.p. appointment saying you think you have severe depression and anxiety which no doubt you'll be diagnosed with and you will be signed off and take antidepressants. You must put yourself first. You will when you're ready then have a slow phased back to work with proper support xxx

HotFeet · 01/09/2019 22:04

To confirm that was DON'T GO IN

HotFeet · 01/09/2019 22:05

By law they have to support you xx

Beacauseisaidso · 01/09/2019 22:06

You need to see your GP - don't go to work.
You will feel better op but you need to be kind to yourself and get the help you need. The GP should be able to put work related anxiety and depression on any certificate if that's what you want.

Horatioroses · 01/09/2019 22:07

I agree, get signed off and take it from there. It might be you need an anti depressant to help you get back on your feet. Do you have a union rep? But that's for later, for now just decide to call your GP tomorrow. First step to getting better, and you can feel better.

Griefmonster · 01/09/2019 22:11

I agree do not go in and make a GP appointment. This is the start of you getting help. I would also recommend asking GP to get blood levels checked. Depression and anxiety can be symptoms (or exacerbated) by perimenopause and I understand thyroid too.

It sounds like you have plenty of reason to be unwell if you are dealing with a narc bully btit it can also be a physical trigger. Is there anyone above/at same level as narc boss you can speak to/confide in? Admitting I was struggling was so hard but once I had done it, there was relief and support. Take care x

TheQuaffle · 01/09/2019 22:12

You are suffering purely because of this narcissistic bully. Leave this job as soon as you possibly can OP. A pay cut is better than this.

Original poster

Dandelion2476 · 01/09/2019 22:13

I haven’t had a day off sick in over 10 years. I’m worried if I do it will make things worse.

I can’t stop shaking this evening. I don’t know how I could even talk to my GP about it.

Thank you for my support. My DH is so fed up with talking about it.

OP posts:

FrenchSchnoodle · 01/09/2019 22:14

Re talking to your GP, can you write it all down? Copy what you've said on here? It might be easier.

mumaw · 01/09/2019 22:17

@Dandelion2476 Hi OP, I was in your situation a couple of years ago. It was absolutely awful.

I went to my GP and was finally diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was signed off and took some well needed time off work to recoup, recharge and let the medication start to work.

Please remember that no job is worth being depression and anxious about. If you ever need to chat please feel free to PM me ❤️ good luck, wishing you all the best.

mumaw · 01/09/2019 22:17

@Dandelion2476 If you don't mind me asking, what line of work are you in?

Beacauseisaidso · 01/09/2019 22:17

OP, do you think if you leave this any longer you will have any choice?
Try and take one day at a time.
Start tomorrow with. gp appt. All you need to tell the GP is what you have written above, that's enough.
You could leave making any more decions until after then .

Fleetheart · 01/09/2019 22:17

Agree you should go to the doc. But can you leave and have a break and find another job? What about your DH? Can he be the breadwinner for a bit? Sometimes life is just too short for this crap. I am sure it is him and not you; the fact that you are taking all the guilt suggests massive anxiety

Fleetheart · 01/09/2019 22:18

You are entitled legally to have time off sick.

user764329056 · 01/09/2019 22:21

You will feel a sense of relief to be signed off, a breathing space to consider next steps, I was in a similar position and was terrified of the ramifications but am so glad I did it, the fear was worse than the reality, I was diagnosed with work-related stress, signed off and during that time I gathered my thoughts, realised I could never return to what was a toxic work environment and submitted my resignation at end of sick period, have never regretted it, good luck OP

Original poster

Dandelion2476 · 01/09/2019 22:22

DH works full time but we earn about the same amount and can’t afford for either one of us not to work. We have a few months buffer but that is all.

OP posts:

HotFeet · 01/09/2019 22:24

I find bursting into tears infront of a gp says more than a fully worded explanation, they deal with this 19 times a day xx

Pancakeflipper · 01/09/2019 22:24

Please don't go to work.
Book in to the Doctor. Print out your initial post and give it to the Doctor if you think the real words won't come in the surgery.

You really deserve to give yourself a pause at work and have time away. Mental health is not a weakness. And often not evident to others until severe.
Please get help as you don't need to continue like this.

twolobsters · 01/09/2019 22:26

Make that GP appointment and start the ball rolling. Cliche but getting started is one of the hardest parts. You deserve to not have to live your life like this.

Original poster

Dandelion2476 · 01/09/2019 22:28

If I was signed off they would advertise for my replacement straight away.

Others have been signed off with stress and anxiety, the advert normally goes out the same week. I’ve worked so hard there, I can’t face walking away either.

I feel I’m trapped like this. My son is only three and asked if his Mummy would come back today. I said what do you mean and he said you aren’t here. I’m broken.

OP posts:

Ylvamoon · 01/09/2019 22:31

Hi OP,
Please go and see GP. If you really feel you can't be singed off, still make the appointment to talk things through.
If I was you, I'd look into changing jobs. This is probably not as easy done, but if this job makes you ill, than you are better off without it. Take a pay cut of need be, and give yourself time to get well again. You owe it to yourself and your family.

I've been in a similar situation, and once I decided to leave & start applying for jobs, I started to feel better. And money isn't everything! I started my current job on just over nmw (and we did struggle financially), but the company has recognised my talents and I have been promoted twice in 18 months. I love what I do and earn now than in the job that made me miserable.

TheGirlWithTheFeatherTat · 01/09/2019 22:31

I suffered from anxiety and depression when I was at university, I knew I needed to go to the doctors but I was scared. I wrote how I felt in a letter, even my writing was awful and it showed how bad I felt. I was terrified but I was so releaved afterwards. You can do it

Fleetheart · 01/09/2019 22:31

If you start feeling more relaxed you may be able to see some alternatives and not feel so trapped. If your DH is earning there must be a middle way; you could look for alternative work, or similar work in a different place. The problem is feeling like you do, it’s hard to see any alternatives and you just feel like you’re caught in a no win situation. But you can choose otherwise!

Fleetheart · 01/09/2019 22:33

I also agree that if your job is so stressful then it’s no way to live. You have worked hard at it; you will work hard at another job where you will be treated respectfully.

dappledsunshine · 01/09/2019 22:33

You're not walking away op, you're taking some time to get yourself well. I agree with previous posters, print out what you've said here and call the GP tomorrow morning for an emergency appointment. It's time to put your health first, everything else can be sorted out once you are feeling better

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