Depression and anxiety. Can’t face going to work tomorrow.

[Dandelion2476]

I think I have depression and anxiety. I’m so tense and wound up. I’m apathetic about things I used to love and find it hard to find joy in anything.

In particular all my feelings stem from work. My boss is a narcissistic bully who plays mind games with me. I’ve been in the same stressful and very senior role for the last seven years and have just had two weeks off. Every few minutes I’ve checked my email and felt tense. I’m permanently anxious something is wrong. I’ve had a few very curt messages which normally indicate a problem.

I’ve spent almost all afternoon in tears and I’ve just thrown up all my dinner. I can only describe it as feeling abject fear.

I just don’t know what to do but I can’t go on like this. My poor children and DH are only getting a shadow of myself. I’ve just done the NHS test online about depression and it suggested I have severe depression and anxiety. I’m in my mid forties and have never been diagnosed or had mental health issues in the past. This has been going on and getting increasingly worse over the last 12 months. I just have no resilience to deal with it.

I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.

There is no HR at my workplace so that is not an option, it’s a small company and I report into the owner.

Thank you for asking. Generally the same and couldn’t sleep at all tonight. I’ve spend most of this afternoon just lying on my bed while my three year old has trashed him room pulling everything out. I am so apathetic I can’t be bothered to play with him, take him out or tidy up.

I have a doctors appointment shortly but I’m not really sure they will be able to help. I was reading up and just don’t know what the point is really.

Said with care and sensitivity but Please please keep your Doctors appointment. Even If not for yourself but for your little one. Xxx

How did the appointment go?

Ah OP, you really sound broken, you poor thing

I can assure you that I’ve been there and you really will feel like yourself again. The great thing is that this is entirely situational and can be fixed.

How did the appointment with the doctor go?

I’ve been given fluoxetine but I’m too scared to take it so haven’t had any yet. I’m worried about being hooked or it making me either into a zombie or a bit manic.

She said I was totally burnt out and stress and offered to sign me off work for a while but I wanted to see if the medication works before I do that so asked her not to. She said I can change my mind at anytime though. She has also referred me for counselling.

My blood pressure is sky high and I have been having panic attacks so I know I need to make a change. The idea of being off work makes me even more anxious though.

Thank you for coming back and asking, it means a lot.

Take it now, while it's the weekend. So if you feel funny its not on Monday morning. Did the GP sound like she would give you something to turn you into a zombie?!I get why you're anxious but the first step to feeling better is to swallow the first tablet.

I am so sorry you are going through this, did the GP do any blood tests?

I know, from experience (overactive thyroid), that thyroid disorders can cause a lot of psychological upset. www.btf-thyroid.org/information/leaflets/37-psychological-symptoms-guide.

Also, in your mid 40's you could be going through perimenopause.

You really should take the time off work, even just next week.

Just to add, high blood pressure can also be caused by too much or too little thyroid hormone.

I'm on fluoxetine and have been on and off due to cyclical depression for 10yrs. It's saved my life. I'm my normal fun happy self when I'm on it. It takes about a month for it to build up in your system so be patient. I felt a bit nauseated at first but started taking it at night so I wasn't awake to experience the symptoms.

Please give it a month if only for your child.

It's the best decision you've made to date although it probably doesn't feel like it.

The gp wouldn't prescribe it if you didn't need it xxx

How’s it going op?

@Dandelion2476 How are thing's? Xxx

Hello @Dandelion2476
How are you feeling? X

Oh bless you OP. I'm in a similar situation however I've been off work for months and I'm trying to seek new employment while on sick. It's horrible, but my workplace is so toxic I can't go back. I know how you feel and you HAVE to be kind to yourself. Honestly, the stress of work will eat you alive!

I’ve been given fluoxetine but I’m too scared to take it so haven’t had any yet. I’m worried about being hooked or it making me either into a zombie or a bit manic.
But you're already massively effected by your depression and anxiety in your day to day life, it will be contributing to your HBP. What do you have to lose by taking it. Side effects, for what it is worth, vary massively person to person and I took fluoxetine for years with little side effects.

She said I was totally burnt out and stress and offered to sign me off work for a while but I wanted to see if the medication works before I do that
Did she explain that the medication can take months to actually start working? Can you honestly survive that long?

Please please please be kind on yourself. Take the sick note. If your work sack you then take them to court. Or breathe and thank your lucky stars. Your career is not over. References, still put it but explain about them being unwilling and offer your last 2 other references and perhaps a personal reference as a buffer.

Previous poster is wrong. It should take 3-4 weeks to start feeling the benefits not months.