What on earth is wrong with having a boy??

[NCBabyBoy]

DS is 11 months and I love him more than I thought humanly possible! I am starting to get annoyed with all the posts about wanting girls. What is wrong with boys?? I always (from a very young age) thought I would have a daughter first (until my sister had a girl) and am amazed at my little boy every day. I realise I would be equally amazed every day had he been a girl. What is this widespread preference for wanting girls? I genuinely do not get it!

I very much wanted a girl and was very pleased I had a girl and it wasn't really for the reasons you've assumed.

In all honesty I see it just as much the other way around. And given the centuries of preference male children have had I think it's a bit annoying that people are suddenly jumping on people who prefer girls. I don't think there's anything wrong with gender disappointment (assuming as in most cases it goes away when you actually meet your child) because it will very likely have an effect on the sorts of conversations you're going to be having for the next 18 years of your life. In different ways with different kids, but there are still fashions that are likely to be followed by a majority of kids. It hugely affects your life, why are you expected to have no private preference and demonised if you do?

It hugely affects your life

Having a child - yes
Their sex - no unless it’s yet again because you buy into gender stereotypes.

Are people seriously arguing that their own preference for a girl is some sort of feminiat strike against countries where boys are preferred?

When I was growing up the preference seemed to be for boys. I disappointed my own mother by being a girl. I think it is just that the pendulum has swung the other way.

@LatteLove

I don't buy into gender stereotypes. I strongly dislike them and rant at great length on the negative effects they have on both sexes. I am not an overly girly girl myself, quite middle of the road, and would actively encourage whatever child I had to engage with things widely associated with either sex or neither, rather than encouraging either side.

But that doesn't change the fact that society does not follow suit and there are a huge amount of studies showing how children exposed to these mindsets in the outside world will internalise them and act accordingly. If I had a little boy, I don't doubt that there is a very real possibility that the second they went to Nursery/school (or even before then due to tv or gifts bought by well meaning but old fashioned adults) they would develop tastes for cars/tractors/guns etc, start saying boys are cooler/smarter than girls etc, the first of which I would struggle to feign interest in and the second I would struggle not to find abhorrent as a woman who has had to suffer blokes that have been raised this way my whole life.

I don't doubt that I would love a son if I had one, and I would try to raise them to question and see beyond societal conventions. But most kids yearn to fit in and there is a very strong chance I would be fighting a losing battle.

If you have a psychological issue or hang up that means you feel you could only effectively parent one sex then that's very sad but you had no business making a decision that led to a 50-50 chance you'd do just that.

start saying boys are cooler/smarter than girls etc

But yet again that’s assuming stereotypes and how they’re raised. Mine have NEVER said such a thing in their lives. Maybe because I’m much cleverer than their dad (academically anyway) I don’t know but although I don’t expect them to ever say anything like that they would soon be put straight if they did.

As for the cars etc they did play with these things when they were little and tbh I wouldn’t be any more interested in “girly” (cringe!) toys either, kids toys aren’t generally interesting to adults, we feign interest because we love our kids.

Mine are now into cycling, music, reading, cooking etc. Nothing particularly “boyish”’or “girly”.

Ultimately kids all need the same (as a group) to be nurtured, fed, supported, loved and raised into decent adults irrespective of their sex.

I don't get it either op. Boys should not be seen as somehow second best. Love my ds more than anything and was thrilled when we found out his sex! Can relate fully.

Think people just assume they will have more in common with a girl because they were/are one. But I agree boys are great. As equally as great as girls.

I have 2 boys and never hoped for a girl. I just knew boys were meant for me! I have 2 nieces the exact same age as my 2 so maybe that helps (obviously I way prefer my own kids so maybe that skewed me into preferring boys!). I have never been asked if we want a girl. I was just thinking yesterday what a faff it would have been to have to buy a new set of clothes all the time if I’d had a girl second (obviously some hand me downs would work but no-one honestly would have a little sibling of opposite sex wear all their older siblings clothes).

@LatteLove

I'm not saying they would definitely say those things but statistically an awful lot of boys do say/believe such things, because of the society we live in.

I don't buy into gender stereotypes in that I personally believe they are arbitrary and harmful, but I do buy into them in the sense that I think they play a huge role in the societal zeitgeist and it is very, very difficult to raise your child in a bubble from that.

The toy thing is a smaller thing, really, yes most children's toys are boring and we feign interest for either gender, but I do think it's somewhat ironic how many comments there are on this thread saying "I didn't want a girl because I'm not girly and would hate to have to do girly stuff, yuck", and yet it's not the same to say the same the other way around. If I was to have a stereotypical child, in all honesty I would rather have a stereotypical girl, because I remember being interested in such things and I find them easier to talk about. When a little boy tries to engage me in conversation about a tractor I honestly don't know what to say.

I don't think it is unreasonable to say that society will likely push my hypothetical son into being interested in what is perceived as "boyish" stuff and I would not relish the thought of years talking about those things or having to actively push back against the more harmful elements of those things. That's not to say I wouldn't step up and try to raise a boy that wasn't pressured into behaving in these ways, but I do believe it would be an uphill struggle in the world we live in so it's hardly surprising that, before knowing the sex of the child, I might quietly think "god I hope it's a girl".

@NewAccount270219 I'm not sure if your comment is directed at me (it came after mine), but if so I don't think that, it my daughter had been a boy I would have got used to it and no doubt been absolutely fine. Not being able to parent one sex is not equatable with quietly thinking in an ideal world you would slightly prefer to have one or the other.

I think the qualities they get from their parents informs their personalities much more than societal stereotypes. As I said I have 2 boys. They are not loud, badly behaved, boorish in any way. I’ve done things with my work like go to football and the stands are basically full of men cheering and jeering and yelling. My husband, Dad ie the 2 men with strongest influence in their lives would never behave like that and consequently neither do they, even if other boys they know and hang around with much

*might not much

@Croquembou it's OK for you, you need one name. I need two, on the same day!! *
Girls names would have been sorted!!

Are people seriously arguing that their own preference for a girl is some sort of feminiat strike against countries where boys are preferred?

I haven't seen that argument.

I mentioned the fact that in much of the world being pregnant with a girl means the mother will be coerced into aborting, adopting, or abandoning the child, just to put all of this in context.

According to this thread, in some small pockets of Britain some mothers prefer girls to boys. Yet in British society at large men still have more power and more wealth. The world is run and dominated by men. So I say good if some people prefer girls. The world is not inclined in women's favor in general. It's nice for those ones growing up in those homes to feel valued and favoured.

@LatteLove

That sounds very positive, and I do hope that if I go on to have a boy I am able to instil a similar ethos. But my experiences working with children make me quite sceptical about how easily you can steer a majority of children away from entrenched stereotypes and social views, even down to unconsciously favouring boys with traits like being loud or boisterous over similarly mannered girls. It goes down to the tiniest of things and in all honesty it does put me off having a boy of my own.

The only preference I ever had was two of the same - I envisage it's easier and smoother growing up. Shared rooms / handing down of clothes and toys / bikes. (In an ideal world all toys are gender neutral but I buy nearly all toys second hand so don't always have the luxury as nearly all toys are visibly girls or boys) from my personal experience same sex siblings remain closer throughout life (hen dos/ visiting and staying in uni rooms/ holiday weekends / an easier pool of shaded friends and activities)
Because of this I hope my first born daughter is joined by a sister next, if I had a son I'd want another boy.

When I was pregnant people used to ask me what I’d prefer & they were always shocked when I said a boy. We are stopping at 1 child through choice but if I fell pregnant again I’d want another boy. It’s just personal preference!

Can't speak for others, but before I got pregnant I used to look at mums with little girls and think how lucky they were to have a daughter. When I was pregnant I tried so hard not to have a preference and tried to convince myself I was having a boy so I wasn't disappointed. I didn't even let myself think about girls names as I couldn't believe I could be lucky enough to have a girl.

We didn't find out the sex beforehand, so when our baby was born and I could see she was a little girl I was absolutely stunned. I remember sobbing to the midwife 'I can't believe I have a daughter.'

I don't like shopping, pink or girly stuff but just feel like I can relate to girls better.

I'm pregnant again and really don't mind this time :)

It might be defensive. All that "better luck next time" when a parent said they have a girl.

I am the proud Aunty of the world's most gorgeous boy. I do get annoyed in shops which have kid's clothing and it is all pink and glittery with a few boys bits as an afterthought.

I really want a daughter because I grew up so close to my mom, she was my best friend and I could always talk to her about everything. Whereas all the friends and family in my life who have sons have a lot more distant relationship with them. Some of them get scolded if they cry or get emotional when they are talking with their son as an example.

As a result I guess I have romanticized the mother-daughter relationship and I assume a lot of people around me do the same based on the emotional openness of the men/son in their lives, which is lacking to non-existent in a lot of cases sadly.

I hope more people who love and support their sons they way you do raise them into healthy adults in touch with their emotions. But where I live (not UK) that is most certainly not the case.

When I revealed that I was having a daughter a lot of people responded in a way that implied it was extra special: that if I'd had a boy it would have been fine, but a girl is the cherry on the cake. I never saw it that way, and in fact really expected I would have a boy, and felt a bit discombobulated when the 20-week scan said girl. It took me a little while to recalibrate to that reality although I hadn't had a preference.

Actually I think a lot of parenting is humbling yourself to accept the unexpected. Our children are always going to surprise us and the sooner we discard any preconceived ideas about what they are going to be like, the better. I love learning about my daughter. I couldn't have invented her. Pregnancy and parenting has confounded my expectations and prejudices in so many ways and I think I am better for it.

She's 6 months now and at this early stage I can really see no difference in parenting her than if she were a boy, although I'm sure that'll change as she grows. But either way, I didn't want a child of a particular sex, I wanted a child, and she has brought so much joy and magic into our lives just as I'd hoped. If we have more, I won't care what sex they are.

Are people seriously arguing that their own preference for a girl is some sort of feminiat strike against countries where boys are preferred?

Hey @NewAccount270219 - can you please point out where the argument below has been made? I mean, people have pointed out that sex-preference takes opposite forms in various different cultures, but has anyone said that their own personal preference is some form of a retaliation against such practices? I went back and re read the thread but struggling to find the examples.

I never see any of these posts. The only ones I seem to see on here are the ones like the OP, where a poster is questioning others desire for a boy/girl.