Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

I would be very surprised if most of the people on this thread went around 'slagging off their adopted home to the natives I get it all the time and it's upsetting and See above

NoTheresa one in ten British citizens live outside the UK, does that also tell you something?

British ex pats and immigrants are often among the worst for criticising everything about their host country.

No country is perfect, there are pros and cons to all of them, and people who say they live everything about a country they've actually lived in for a number of years, rather than just visited (be it the country of their birth or an adopted or medium term host country) are generally liers or deluding themselves.

People often live where they need to live for pragmatic rather than romanticised reasons. That includes people who stay in the country of their birth because they're trapped by family obligations or lack a saught after skill set and foreign language competency or simply the courage to try somewhere else, as well as people who live in host or adopted countries as economic migrants or fleeing war etc.

British people have historically been globally mobile and lived and worked all over the world, and enjoyed having a good moan about wherever they lived as much as any other nationality.

*sought after not saught

Shall we get this thread back onto funny quirks between different cultures and sharing anecdotes, and away from "bloody immigrants should move onto the next country if they don't like it"

Re: the "why do people buy from Zara when they could just buy from Primark", well, the two stores are actually serving quite different markets on the whole for starters (Zara customers are likely to be older and more edgy/fashion-editor in their clothing choices), but people are willing to pay more for clothing for several reasons:

1. better fabric
2. better design and cut
3. better construction
4. ethics and environmental aspects
5. desire to support British brands and producers

A 100% cotton white t-shirt can be very, very different from Primark and a more upmarket retailer. I don't think that has anything to do with British culture, really - and wearing obtrusive brands here would traditionally be seen as a very pushy/nouveau-riche thing to do. It's definitely British culture that it's in poor taste to make a point of displaying wealth.

British people have historically been globally mobile and lived and worked all over the world, and enjoyed having a good moan about wherever they lived as much as any other nationality.

Yup - one of my best friends where I live in Europe ADORES the UK, goes there all the time and wishes he could live there. Loves the culture, the people, everything (big music and football fan). I on the other hand am exactly the opposite. People ask me what I miss about the UK and I say 'nothing' apart from my family. I adore where I live now and will never move back.

@NoTheresa you just proved the no direct talking point lol. You could have just address me directly and asked me why am i not gone then. I do know the meaning of muttering u alright when passing someone, it doesnt make it less annoying. Just say hello if you want to say hello, its not difficult.
@YouJustDoYou nothing incorrect, i stated what i dont like about british culture. Its personal, there isnt right or wrong.
People may want to be here now but if(when) the economy goes in the bin you will see many will leave. Only reason ourselves are still here are job and economic reasons as most othe immigrants I know.
There are some good things here(easy burocracy, less corruption) but most of us struggle with everyday aspects of the culture.

• The middle class (I swear they aren’t as obnoxious in other countries)
• the hatred for private education
• the way that you have dialects here but insist they are perfectly normal and valid English. I don’t mean a regional that makes sense and is fairly universal but when someone is very clearly speaking something that is not English and is insisting that it is English and you are a racist/classist for not understanding them I just don’t get it.
• the hard on for the NHS. The quality of care is really really bad.
• drinking on play dates
• religious state schools (it seems wildly in appropriate to me).

*regional twang

I do know the meaning of muttering u alright when passing someone, it doesnt make it less annoying. Just say hello if you want to say hello, its not difficult.

But it's the same thing?

I also often say "Lovely/ghastly weather" and I don't expect a meteorological correct reply, it's just an acknowledgement, another way of saying hello.

I meet many people I greet a day, it's boring saying Hello all the time.

It's the acknowledgement that matters, not the words.

@Needadvices just stop, you're coming over very negative, there's literally nothing to argue about.

It's the acknowledgement that matters, not the words.

Exactly.

Just say hello if you want to say hello, its not difficult
Why should we? It's a coloquialism, don't these exist in all languages?
Where I grew up (in the NE of England) people used to say 'Hiya' instead of hello. Then I moved to the S of England, and everyone says 'Alright?' instead of hello, I managed to get used to it without being annoyed.

@walkintheparc thats because i AM being negative. Did you think to come to this thread to read how people love this amazing place? Also park is written with a k, but brits are not that strong in spelling

Another question...

(Sorry these are more things that I don't understand, not meaning to offend and I would feel the same about different things in my home country)

Why are rich people called middle class here? If you have no mortgage, live in a large detached property, and take multiple holidays a year... You're rich. Shopping at Waitrose doesn't mean you're now middle class, surely? It seems like the only solid criteria of being middle class is shopping at Waitrose...

Actually, I would go as far to say there should be a new criteria for "rich" and that's just no mortgage or rent needed to be paid. Not sure if that sounds ridiculous to some, but I just think when you have no housing cost you are financially ahead of so many others.

Is rudeness a common trait of the people from your home country, Needadvices?

I'm British and live in Thailand and lived in Latin America before that. Early bedtimes for my kids are one of the very British things I have kept... I know we seem utterly mad to friends and neighbours. My kids are having a picnic by the pool after a swim at 5pm so that we can go home and be in bed at 6/6.30. Other families arrive to start swimming as we leave

My children are also expected to eat at the table and learn to feed themselves when they are small. In many Thai families, children are fed by a nanny who wanders around after them offering spoonfuls of food while they play, whether at home or out and about. This seems odd to me but is totally normal here! I mollycoddle less than local parents. But the children here are raised to be very respectful of adults, more so than western kids in general. I like that. But I don't like that kids as young as 4 or 5 know that while they should respect ALL adults, they should respect a teacher more than a TA, and a TA more than a cleaner. They are aware of this hierarchy from when they're tiny, which is baffling to me.

Just as there are things about the culture here that seem odd to me, I'm sure there is loads that foreigners living in the UK find weird!

There is so much! I'm Russian/Chinese and lived in Denmark for 5 years.

• Early bedtimes. I just don't get it. If you work during the day, when do you actually spend time with your kids if they are in bed by 7?
• Fear of the weather. I'm sure people think their kids will melt if they go outside in the rain or cold. Or too hot. In Denmark, there's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. In Russia, you just wouldn't be able to leave your house for 6 months!
• Fat people have this weird protected status. In my cultures, if a loved on is getting fat you tell them. "Why are you so fat?" is probably the most common question asked in China! And Russia, the doctors will be on you if you start to show signs of it. It's a GOOD thing to feel shamed by it. It's not ok. However, in this country, you must pretend that everyone looks like Kate Moss. Unless they actually do, then they are skinny bitch, and thats apparently ok to say.
• My husband used to say, British people have a 1000 ways to say no without actually saying no. This I will never get. But, peoples passivity works to my advantage I guess so I don't care too much about it.

-You can not sleep with a person your friend has slept with. This is weird. There is some sort of perceived ownership of that persons genitals that can never be passed on to anyone else.

• Triple carbing with most meals.
• Self deprecation. Self deprecation lowers self esteem, and I thinkt hat's why a lot of people tend to be easily offended, highly strung and sensitive. Im not sure how it became this way.

Of course there are lots of thing I love about this country too.

When I first arrived, I wanted to take advantage of late night clothes shopping - but the shops only stayed open til 7pm - that's not late - 9pm is late.

People here don't park on your drive when they visit. Your drive can be empty but they'll still park on the street - sometimes half on the pavement! Why?!

Needadvices

Also park is written with a k, but brits are not that strong in spelling wink

Check your own username. Lol
Etc.

Jeeze, everyone has their off-days when they hate everything about the country they live in (born to it or not), but heck, there's no need to be quite so eyewateringly rude and aggro about it!

For me, the things I sometimes find it hard to adapt to are:

1. Packing my own groceries.
2. How some people can get really physically and verbally confrontational over something very minor (like a car knocking their car - leaving no marks whatsoever - in the car park.
3. Perhaps linked to the above - I find that Brits are (in a good way) a lot less likely to put up with shoddy service or inferior products than where I come from, and to politely but assertively require it to be put right. My girls are learning to do it, and I'm so impressed!
4. How frigging narrow the roads are.

Early bedtimes. I just don't get it. If you work during the day, when do you actually spend time with your kids if they are in bed by 7?

I have a theory on this, as I lived in France since my oldest was 5 months though I'm from the UK originally (left 20 years ago).

In France mums / parents generally:

Don't take longer than 6 months maternity leave
Don't become SAHM: it's considered very low status here. (Even if you don't work you still put your children in childcare)
Do have access to free/low cost state-provided all-day childcare options extending from 0730 to 1930 hours if necessary
Do have a long working day - so as to fit that 2 hour lunch break in

British / UK mums / parents OTOH generally:

Take longer maternity leave and being SAHM is far more common
Don't have access to cheap / free childcare so are pushed to being SAHM as it's so expensive
Can work part time / flexi time / have a short lunch to get away early - none of these things are normal in French workplaces. (A friends husband who insists on leaving at 5pm, having been in there since 7:30, is still wished Bon apres-midi by his colleagues when he leaves...)

So French parents genuinely often don't see their children from dawn till dusk, and they want to spend time with them in the evening. Plus French children are expected to nap up to the age of 4/5 years, so they can handle later nights.

British mums / parents OTOH are often home at 5pm, or don't work at all, or work part-time. And they are motivated to minimise childcare as it costs so much - so the children are with a parent a lot of the time. No wonder a 7pm bedtime appeals!

Fat people have this weird protected status. In my cultures, if a loved on is getting fat you tell them. "Why are you so fat?" is probably the most common question asked in China! And Russia, the doctors will be on you if you start to show signs of it. It's a GOOD thing to feel shamed by it. It's not ok. However, in this country, you must pretend that everyone looks like Kate Moss. Unless they actually do, then they are skinny bitch, and thats apparently ok to say.

It's the same in France. In fact, becoming overweight or obese is considered to be a mental health issue (which it probably is most of the time, in a way), and you'll be encouraged to see a psych to work out why you are allowing your body to get in such a state.