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Original poster

I know I’m an extreme case at 14 years....

107 replies

BertrandRussell · 26/08/2019 07:11

......but why do so many people have children so soon after starting a relationship? I’m not advocating 13 years as standard Grin and I know that accidents happen. But why would you choose to have a baby after only knowing someone a few months- or even a year?

OP posts:
ArtisanPopcorn · 26/08/2019 07:15

The people I know who did it that quickly were late 30s/early 40s and worried time was running out I think.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 26/08/2019 07:16

We waited 10,we wanted to be sure Grin

Having children is so hard sometimes, I can't imagine going through it on a new relationship.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 26/08/2019 07:17

Why did you wait so long? Different strokes and all that. I knew my DH was the one (not flight of the conchords kind) so why wait? I also knew I didn’t want to be an old mum. Worked for me. Still love him a thousand years later, and my kids are bloody excellent.

SoyDora · 26/08/2019 07:17

The only person I know in real life who has done this has done it for the same reasons as above. Approaching 40 and worried time was running out.
They split after around 18 months.

MrsKittyFane1 · 26/08/2019 07:18

I've often thought that!

Maybe people :
Live in the moment
Don't fear things the way I do
Don't analyse or plan the way I do
Are risk takers/ not overly cautious.

6 years here before having a child.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 26/08/2019 07:18

I was in my early twenties and was pregnant inside a year. (lived together within 3 months) that was 23 years ago.

HalyardHitch · 26/08/2019 07:22

We've been married nearly four years. Three pregnancies (two children). We married a year after we met. I wish we had waited longer. I'm only 32 now but time wasn't on my side. I have no regrets but am pretty miserable lately

BelulahBlanca · 26/08/2019 07:24

We were in love, thought we’d be together a long time? Was getting on? Dunno.

Skyejuly · 26/08/2019 07:26

I was pregnant within 3 mths. I do sometimes wish we waited but it all worked out.

RushianDisney · 26/08/2019 07:28

I'd known 'D'P for over a decade before we got together, so when I fell pregnant two years into our relationship I decided to keep the baby, I thought I really knew him. I was 21 when I had DD. Unfortunately DP became abusive emotionally and financially after a death in the family during my pregnancy, our relationship has never really recovered and I'm financially trapped for the next few years. I've learnt my lesson, and I will never tie myself to a man by having a child ever again. I think a lot of people who get pregnant in the honeymoon stage of a relationship forget that it's not always like that, and are not aware abuse tends to start or escalate during pregnancy and new motherhood.

MyOtherProfile · 26/08/2019 07:28

We had our first almost two years to the day after meeting. We were too old to hang about.

Iamnotacerealkiller · 26/08/2019 07:28

I do think there is an attitude in some places that starting having children young is just normal.

I think there is a connection with education (not in a because they are stupid way) if someone leaves education at 16 rather then 23 or so then they will go into work and start 'adult life' sooner. If your family history is full of people that have done this then there is a kind of shrug towards having kids quickly. My in laws are this way. A general assumption that they won't go into high education and all having children or married before 20. I think this the can continue up into older people with the same groups resulting in a casual attitude to getting pregnant in a new relationship. It's just what you do nothing particularly wrong with it.

Start dateing someone and get pregnant it has been very normalised in some places I think.

Kinsters · 26/08/2019 07:28

I don't know either, we were friends/casually dating for two years then in a relationship/living together for 7 years before getting married and starting to try for a baby.

Looking back on it I'm pleased we took things pretty slowly but that was down to my very unimpulsive DH. If it was up to me we'd have been married and had kids much earlier. So I guess if both partners are fairly decisive or impulsive maybe that's why. I felt like I knew from really early on that DH was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with so didn't see any reason to delay the next steps.

Or yeah, the obvious one is feeling like time is running out.

Happyspud · 26/08/2019 07:29

It can work out but you simply can’t be sure of anything after a very short period. It’s a risk and I don’t gamble with my life or my kids like that. Some people get away with it and have a happy life, many don’t.

BigGreenOlives · 26/08/2019 07:29

I think a lot of people must have contraceptive accidents and decide to stay together (the people who get pregnant within 3-6 months of meeting). We were married for 3 years before we tried to conceive, first child born before our 4th anniversary. We had time to go on some lovely holidays and do lots of things together before DC arrived. Most of my friends didn’t rush and there are very few divorces amongst our friends and acquaintances.

Newmumma83 · 26/08/2019 07:30

Different people = different risk takers / relationships

I too waited along time around 12 years ... but the last 5 of those years was due to getting rid of debts / marriage and purchase of house. We actually moved in together after being together officially 6 months

Two of my cousins got pregnant shortly after meeting their partners and have two kids each and seem very happy but I think they had a burning desire to get pregnant ... me not so much

Drogosnextwife · 26/08/2019 07:32

You are right, I fell pregnant 9 months after meeting my dp, I didn't know him at all. I wish I had.

Verily1 · 26/08/2019 07:33

Because they arent planned pregnancies but people don’t admit they aren’t planned because there’s a stigma to that.

Some people are very lax about contraception and dont use it/ use it properly but don’t think they’ll get pregnant.

I’d known dp 19 months when I got pregnant which at the time seemed long enough but now in hindsight I think I didn’t know him at all!

Some people also rush because they want a certain gap between siblings (if they already have dc with a previous dp)

StripeySocks29 · 26/08/2019 07:34

We’d been together 7 years, and then we only decided to try because I was worried about getting too old to conceive.

I always wonder why people have children so close together, surely it makes sense to have a gap of around 4/5 years between each child so that you’ve got a gap in paying nursery fees/teenage expenses/university fees and you can really enjoy each one growing up rather than lumping the stages of each child all together.

When I said this to a friend she worked out that when her oldest is starting uni her middle child will be doing A-levels and the youngest will be doing GCSEs and she’d never thought that far ahead Confused

HoneysuckIejasmine · 26/08/2019 07:35

I was pregnant a year after our wedding, and DD was born on the third anniversary of our meeting. So we did everything quickly but I've got absolutely no regrets, other than not meeting DH sooner.

rosynoses · 26/08/2019 07:41

Waited 9 years before having a baby. Married 2 years previously (so been together 7 years before married). Baby was 3 months old and ex husband slept with someone else. At 4 months he was sleeping regularly with another person who he's now having another baby with (after 2 years with her). I don't think amount of time equals security in the relationship / marriage all the time before having a baby.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/08/2019 07:43

The 2 people I know who had babies very early in a relationship (in one case pregnant within 8 weeks), were careless with protection.
Neither with the father now.

fattt · 26/08/2019 07:46

It will be interesting to see if the changes to benefits change that cereal

OtraCosaMariposa · 26/08/2019 07:48

Depends on your age though. I met DH at Uni when I was 20. We didn't have our first until I was 31. I wasn't ready for children at 20, neither was he. Don't regret waiting a bit.

Had I been 35 when we met, I daresay we'd have got a move on a bit more.

I think it's a recipe for disaster if you meet someone and get pregnant within 2 or 3 months.

Doilooklikeatourist · 26/08/2019 07:54

We had a baby quickly , ( met in October , married in June , was pregnant by August )

That child is now 24 , has a 22 year old sibling , and DH and I have just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary

Sometimes you just know he’s the one , and everything works out
We were both early 30 s though , so not that young but not so very old either

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