I am trying not to cry

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

We are in holiday with MIL, DH's stepdad and their 3 teenagers. We are me, DH and DS (a year old).

His stepdad's treatment of the teenagers is so so different to how he treats DH. DH went off the rails as a teenager and it's so obvious why. It's just so upsetting to watch.

@namechangedasscared the money thing is interesting. We were going to go away alone but MIL then said there was a spare room where they had booked.

I assume we will be paying for the room.

Like I said I'm worried I misheard the punching comment.

Thank u so much for making me feel ok to feel like this. I'm hiding in our room for a bit.

You know you don't owe them anything? You can question, pass comment or even separate away from them and enjoy the rest of your holiday without even a word. Your DH is conditioned, but you aren't.

This is almost exactly my dh's family dynamic too. He is NC now.

We all go home on Saturday. Dh has booked more time off in October so we can go away as a 3.

He is the loveliest man. He doesn't deserve this. And I worry I cant go back in to the living room without shouting.

Used to suffer with these as a kid until I had part of my toe nail cut away, Defno looks ingrowing ... I used to burn a sewing nail to sterilise and put down the infected nail and drag the nail out over the skin used to help the puss escape which relieved some pain ( though process is painful ) recommend if you do it after a long soak ... but it’s not for the faint hearted x

Doctors is prob the sensible option but we have 3 week waits where I live

Stepdad and one of the.other kids are now having a 'jamming session'. Its nauseating how he is so desperate to be father of the fucking year.

@Newmumma83 excellent advice but I think u have the wrong thread!!

I am so sorry to hear this. I am currently researching dysfunctional family dynamics for my own sanity! And saw this book recommended on another forum: "adult children of emotionally immature parents". I know so many people of my generation with baby boomer parents who fit this model. I would encourage your DH to do some reading if/when he is ready.

Thank.you, I'll suggest that to him.

Is his sister still in touch with the mum and step dad?

I should have said you could also read it to understand unhealthy family dynamics. It can be hard for people to understand if they have grown up in an emotionally healthy household. It sounds like you are very empathetic to your DH which is wonderful. Take care of your little family unit and minimise interaction with them as much as possible until you get home.

Yes she is. She is very vocal.about how unfair it was, however she is the opposite of DH and thinks everything is unfair and means.about everything so they write everything she says off.

She got pregnant at 16. No one has wondered why both older ones went off the rails apparently.

It also doesn't help that stepdad got sacked last year from a job that was paying him 6 figures. I think there is an issue of jealousy. He is thick as pig shit, DH got accepted into Oxford, first class degree, PhD and is now earning very good money in a very stable job. He is great at sports, is fit as fuck and is a very likeable man.

Have you spelled out how you see things to dh? My mil is abusive, dh couldn't see it as such. Once he did he went nc. A lot of stuff surfaced that she had done to him once he opened his eyes and mind to his childhood. He says he feels massive relief that she isn't in his life. We haven't seen her for over 4 years. She had zero interest in our ds yet told people we had cut her out!
Maybe let dh know you support him letting rip and going nc....
Dh said it was very therapeutic to tell her some home truths.

I’ve nothing to add other than how bloody awful for you and your husband and little DC. I have a very extended step family and while it’s not perfect there was never anything like that and generally speaking we all care for each other. I can only hope that your lovely (if somewhat downtrodden) DH knows that the incredibly poor example his stepdad have had not shaped his parenting and ability to love 💐

Your Dh sounds lovely.
Move to the US, don't tell them your address and fuck the lot of them. Your Dh deserves better than this. He doesn't really have a family, it's not worth saving.

The first night we got together he cried and said that he had no home. That is the only time he has ever registered any upset.

I dont think I could ever get him to be bothered by it.

I wouldn’t worry about the shouting, tbh. I think you probably should be shouting. Your poor lovely DH.

Baffled that such a bad relationship and yet you all go away on holiday together

I can't.
It's not fair on him. If it was the other way round I would feel it was unfair that the control over my relationship with my family had been taken away

If I knew what you knew
No bloody way would I be going on holiday with them
Or indeed allowing my DS to have much to do with him

Where's your little boy going to be tonight while you and your OH go out?

@Lovemenorca I've already explained that. Not particularly helpful.

He joked about punching my baby in the face.

Woman up OP

If you don’t want to do it for your DH. Do it for you son

@FurrySlipperBoots he is now asleep in bed