My 'cheap tat' remark was uncalled for. Sorry.
She seemed an intelligent, compassionate and independent woman
The problem as I see it is, that maybe not all of these qualities in concert are desirable in women wishing to marry into one of the most prolific and conservative Royal Families in Europe.
I think compassion is a great attribute for anyone playing a public facing role, but I'm not so sure about intelligence (in particular high intelligence; you need only be intelligent enough to know when to follow the rules) and certainly not independence the independence part seems entirely incompatible.
To marry into the RF as a woman not bringing much in the way of a title, land, property or real wealth, your purpose is to make your husband shine and help continue the dynasty. You get to turn up to events looking nice and regal and help ordinary people feel noticed and appreciated and raise money for charity, but the ultimate aim in it all is good PR to preserve the RF. You surrender a good measure of your independence not just in where you go etc, but in what you think, say and do in public.
Crucially, you have to be happy to be content with that. Genuinely able to find joy within the limitations and feel it as a calling, feel you are serving something greater than yourself, and something - getting slightly poetic - close to heaven, after all Kings and Queens are anointed.
I get the feeling that M wants something closer to earth, and H still feels he can act like the indulged spare heir. I wonder if it will change when the Queen passes on.
As Fergie learned to her demise, nobody really wants a 'breath of fresh air' even if they say they do (daily fail etc) I'm surprised the RF don't learn.