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Original poster

Am I being an idiot going to meet this man?

109 replies

fairgame84 · 16/08/2019 12:57

I went on holiday to Tunisia in May. Met a lovely waiter at the hotel and I asked him out on a date. We went for a coffee, had a kiss and nothing more.
Since then we have video called every day. He seems genuinely lovely and I'm due to go back next month to spend a week with him. Except I'm getting cold feet.

He is 10 years younger than me and wants a ltr with marriage and children. I'm mid thirties and have a teenager, I don't know if I want to start a family all over again. I'm settled with my career and happy.
I've heard and read all the horror stories about being used for visas etc so I'm aware that he might not be genuine. He hasn't asked me for money and I would never give him any.

My friends have warned me not to go due to safety concerns.
When I write it all down it seems so stupid to go but then he could be one of the few blokes that is genuine.

Do I just go and see how things go or do I cancel my flights and bin him off?

OP posts:
keepingbees · 16/08/2019 13:35

Scam or not it couldn't work. You're different ages, at different places in your lives and live in different parts of the world. And you have a dependant to consider.
Could you use the flights to take your teenager away as a treat rather than waste them.

HeyMonkey · 16/08/2019 13:39

Nope. You'll end up in Take a Break.

KUGA · 16/08/2019 13:41

Cancel the trip.
He wants to marry you as he will have access to come here
to live.
Block him for good.

Saucery · 16/08/2019 13:42

I suppose it doesn’t help that you know someone in a perfectly fine relationship with a genuine man from the area.
But the balance of probabilities is that this man is not genuine and that you will be hurt and considerably poorer.

DerelictWreck · 16/08/2019 13:42

I bet if you look on the Tunisian love rat sites you will eventually find him on there having tried to dupe other women

He's not on there. Not yet anyway.

OP there are thousands of posts on there. How do you know?

Original poster
fairgame84 · 16/08/2019 13:45

OP there are thousands of posts on there. How do you know?

Because I contacted the admin who looked him up for me.

OP posts:
Ihatesundays · 16/08/2019 13:47

You’ve had one date and he wants marriage and kids? If I met someone here who said that after having one actual date I would run a mile.

SavoyCabbage · 16/08/2019 13:57

What I would do is tell him you definitely don’t want to have any more children. You know that for sure and you wanted to tell him before things progress any further.

If he immediately says ‘that’s fine, I also have changed my mind and don’t want children either’ rather than ‘wow, that’s a bit of a shocker, I’m going to need time to process that and decide if I am OK with never having dc’ then you will know that he might be just saying whatever you want to hear.

It’s not trying to trip him up because you don’t want children so he needs to know that.

I’m married to a non-EU foreigner and getting him in the country was an absolute nightmare and we had been married for twelve years with two dc when we went through the visa nightmare. One of my dc has got a cuddly toy called Surinder Singh after a loophole in the immigration laws. That’s how much it took over our lives.

Original poster
fairgame84 · 16/08/2019 13:59

You’ve had one date and he wants (marriage and kids? If I met someone here who said that after having one actual date I would run a mile.

I thought that myself but then 2 colleagues who are Muslim told me that its a cultural thing and Muslims marry quickly and tend not to 'date' so that reassured me.
Were in professional jobs so supposed to be 'educated' people which is why I've been reassured when we've discussed it at work.
Colleagues are kind of 50/50 about me going. Friends outside of work are saying do not go. My mum met him because she was on holiday with me and she 100% wants me to go. She has pretty bad judgement though 🙁

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 16/08/2019 14:02

As someone said upthread, even if he was genuine which is so unlikely - what would you do? Move to Tunisia with your poor teenager???

Forget it and look for someone more local Smile

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2019 14:07

So what's your plan then op, to get your Tunisian waiter a visa and bring him over here to live with uou and support him? Marry him so he can stay?

user1480880826 · 16/08/2019 14:13

You have got to be kidding?!

You would be an idiot to go.

abigailsnan · 16/08/2019 14:24

Don't even think about it he will use you until you are broke.
DDs friend also met a waiter whilst on holiday and he wanted marriage etc,she kept in touch with him and went back to marry him then returned home to sell her home and give her job up,she sent the procedes of her house sale to him to buy them a house when she arrived to meet him he had disappeared from the area all together.
So take care whatever he says it will be untrue he is a scammer.

TonTonMacoute · 16/08/2019 14:24

So what's your plan then op, to get your Tunisian waiter a visa and bring him over here to live with uou and support him? Marry him so he can stay?

^^. This!

Even if you marry it is far from certain that he would get residency here.

If he does get here what will he do for work? Unskilled zero hours jobs? Any genuine good feelings between you would evaporate very quickly indeed.

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 16/08/2019 14:27

If you're worried about wasting the money on flights then you could always invite a friend or your DC and make a little holiday of it. Maybe travel a bit further away. Obviously don't tell this guy that you are still coming.

Tbh though I'd probably just cut my losses and forget the whole trip.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 16/08/2019 14:31

Look OP, forget the Tunisian bit for a moment.

You had a date with a guy 3 months ago.
Since then you've videocalled every day
Now he is talking about marriage and kids.

That on its own is enough to make you run for the hills, come on lass, do yourself a favour.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 16/08/2019 14:41

Ha ha, we'll be seeing you on the cover of Take A Break soon

FuckAPotNoodle · 16/08/2019 14:42

Sorry, cannot hear what you are asking OP for the massive alarm bells going off.

Original poster
fairgame84 · 16/08/2019 14:51

I've spoken to TUI and although I can't get a refund on my flight, I can amend it and upgrade it to a holiday so I'm going to look for a hotel and just have a nice week away.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 16/08/2019 14:53

Scammers use many different names so he may indeed be on that website.

Stay safe.

OliviaBenson · 16/08/2019 14:53

Hopefully to a different country?! Don't go back to there, he'll reel you back in!

GaraMedouar · 16/08/2019 14:57

OMG don’t go. Scam!

Wild123 · 16/08/2019 14:58

Don't go its not worth the risk.

Upgrade and have a lovely holiday by yourself. Highly Recommend Olu Deniz in Turkey :-)

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2019 15:01

Please tell me your week away won't be to Tunisia? 😂

AzraiL · 16/08/2019 15:03

Tell him how excited you are that you've found him and can't wait to give up your job and move to Tunisia with your teenage daughter to marry him and be a housewife. Tell him you knoe that as a waiter he doesn't make much but true love is priceless. Make sure if he asks that you tell him you have no assets. I'd be curious to see how he responds.