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Original poster

Wedding - inviting evening guests without partners.

102 replies

Treem · 15/08/2019 11:38

Is this ok or would you be offended?

I know MN frowns upon having evening guests but our venue holds 120 for a sit down meal and there is space for an extra 80 in the evening. Nobody will have far to travel and everybody will know plenty of other people. We'd rather invite 80 people who we know than 40 and their partners!

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IAskTooManyQuestions · 15/08/2019 11:44

This I would find odd, TBH.

MindyStClaire · 15/08/2019 11:45

I think if it's something like a department from work or a sports team that's fine. But if it's randoms it's a bit off, especially if people won't know many/any other people.

Alloftit · 15/08/2019 11:45

Rude. I think it’s taking the piss asking people to come and celebrate your relationship while disregarding theirs. Essentially it’s up to you, and I wouldn’t voice this in person, but you asked!
Congratulations by the way Flowers

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Weddings
AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 15/08/2019 11:45

I can see where you are coming from but I'd find it odd too

UnicornCat · 15/08/2019 11:46

It would be odd I'm afraid. A wedding is an event you go to with your partner if you have one. I am impressed with how many people you know well enough to invite to your wedding though! We can barely get 40 😂

Greensleeves · 15/08/2019 11:48

Ugh. Two-tier wedding with added rudeness.

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 11:49

Interesting. I'd seen 'asking them to come and celebrate our relationship' as inviting them to an evening of booze, food and partying on us. I'd hate to think anyone who attends thinks they are doing us some kind of favour.

Mindy, yes most evening guests will be invited in groups (such as our work friends etc) but anyone who might not know anyone would be invited with a partner.

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Scorpiovenus · 15/08/2019 11:49

Oh no, were planning a quiet wedding and only having our dads there as our mums are not here any more.

instead of paying for people to socialise we are getting married in the Caribbean which is still cheaper then a ceremony. We don't see family much apart from our dads so only these people are invited the ceremony will be maybe a hour tops but then we go out for a family day. And as my dad is elderly I get to spend time with him also.

Its your wedding, you need to stop worrying about others.

Floralnomad · 15/08/2019 11:51

It’s cheap IMO .

Croquembou · 15/08/2019 11:51

It's your wedding, do what you want. But I wouldn't come - I get really limited time with my husband as it is. I wouldn't give up that time for an evening-only wedding. I always figure with evening-only that the person getting married won't really care if you're there or not by that point anyway...

CMOTDibbler · 15/08/2019 11:51

I think its OK if you are inviting people who will know lots of other people in a context without their partners - as others have said, work colleagues, people from a club etc. But if you've socialised with their partners, or if it is family (cousins for instance), then I think people would be tetchy about it

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 11:53

Haha, unicorn! Its DP and his friendliness that are the issue. He has an ability to meet new friends anywhere and everywhere.

OP posts:
Deemail · 15/08/2019 11:54

Its your wedding, you need to stop worrying about others

It goes both ways if you don't show other people consideration then don't expect it back. You can extend any invitation you choose to but people are free to decline if it doesn't fit in with how they would like to spend their evening.

BloomingHydrangea · 15/08/2019 11:54

Isn't 120 enough? Concentrate on giving them a great do. Evening guests is a bit off.

Alloftit · 15/08/2019 11:57

No, not doing you a favour but by its very nature, a wedding is a celebration of a couple, of a relationship. Just my opinion.

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 11:58

True Cruoque. Our families and best friends are invited to the day and we wont be upset if evening guests don't come. However (for example) my team at work are keen to have an evening out together and are up for coming without partners - and I'd love to see them there and have a dance.

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Greensleeves · 15/08/2019 11:59

People are doing you a favour by attending your wedding. They're there for your benefit, not theirs.

Croquembou · 15/08/2019 12:00

However (for example) my team at work are keen to have an evening out together and are up for coming without partners

If you've checked with the actual people this involves and they're happy, why are you consulting the internet?!? You're making a headache for yourself there Wink

Whatever you decide, you'll have a lovely day Flowers

Skiaddicted · 15/08/2019 12:03

People will be unhappy no matter what you do, thats what Ive concluded when it comes to wedding planning.....so do what works for you and accept you cant win Grin

BrokenWing · 15/08/2019 12:09

Work colleagues yes, invite without partners. Family and close friends, it is rude not to invite partners.

hellenbackagen · 15/08/2019 12:10

I wouldn't go to an evening do alone . You could invite people but I'd bet a number wouldn't fancy it on their own.

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 12:11

Really? Does everyone else consider that attending a wedding is doing the couple a favour? I've never done that! I've just been grateful they like me enough to invite me and pay for my food and drink for an evening.

Croque - I've checked with my team but that's only 10 out of the 80. Most of the rest are DPs lot - many of whom we have added to the list after they told him they were looking forward to the wedding.

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Bezalelle · 15/08/2019 12:13

Two-tier weddings are the height of rudeness. I make a point never to attend (or send a gift! heh) if I'm not invited to the whole shebang.

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 12:14

Broken - Family and close friends all invited with partners during the day (would count most of their partners as family or close friends too).

Hellen - completely fine with us that they don't attend. As long as nobody feels left out.

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Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 12:20

Bezalelle - But surely any wedding has at least 2 tiers? Invited and not invited. To me, the day guests are the people I meet up with during the day, go on holiday with, go for lunch or dinner with. The evening guests are friends I'd go to the pub with every now and then. Also wouldn't even consider that an evening guest would give us a gift.

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