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Original poster

Dating Apps

26 replies

Janet478 · 06/08/2019 03:32

Hi I'm new to 'Dating Apps' & have come across a man who I have been talking to for 3 weeks now. Within '5-days' of talking to each other he actually posted one post: 'Hi Sexy, How would you feel if we made love together as I wonder how hot we'd get?'

I'm late 40's so not a spring chicken, but would like the opinions of the mature generations if there are any here - because I don't just bed men after meeting them that quickly - certainly when you haven't even met them & got to know them in person either, and after 5-days!

I did reply to him 'We haven't even met yet or got to know each other properly yet, so hold off please' I think he thinks 'sex & bedding girls' is the ultimate pleasure, but I'm not that easily used.

We did meet this Sunday afternoon & was a bit wary of his motifs due to his posts. He dropped me home, as I don't drive. But in the car in broad-daylight 7pm he gaily proceeded to kiss me tongue -in-mouth (after only 3 hours of meeting - doesn't mean we know each other). But in his eyes it does. I did pull apart & said 'It's daylight & there are cameras outside my block of flats & residents can see'. He said 'Well shall we go in your flat?'. I said 'No, my washing is all out hanging to dry in my flat' he kept asking, but I put my foot down & repeated the above to him - which was true.

To me he's too full-on & that turned me off him coming straight in on me like I'm his property. He's not had many girlfriends over the years from what he told me, so I think he's a novice & hasn't got the experience in life to know how to go out with ladies & to get to know them properly first myself.

Has anyone else had any similar experiences & how have you dealt with them? (due to dating apps being new to me) If anything what ones would you recommend to be the best & possibly free-ones (if any are)? Which ones are the best?

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 06/08/2019 04:01

No respect here. The language was wrong for starters! As was his way of handling things.

I’m similar age. If the chemistry is right and the passion is there, l am not adverse to sex on the first date (no name calling please, l’m in my 40s, practice safe sex, happy, confident, my body my choice) but anyone who came on like this before meeting would get a swift Hmm!

StarlightLady · 06/08/2019 06:33

That came out wrong. Apologies! When l said “no respect here”, I meant the man was showing the OP no respect.

As for anyone you haven’t met using terms like “Hi sexy”, l would run a mile.

Janet0478 · 06/08/2019 06:48

Starlightlady, thank you for your reply. I'm glad it's not just me then over-reacting to his advancements so early onto both meeting online & his post 5-days later & how he was on Sunday. Passion comes when you get close to someone & think that comes with time, with men who are not pushy. I have, light you, had 'safe sex' on a first date before, but we had already known each other way before we started dating. So I like you am not against it - just not with people I don't know well enough. And I have been spying on him, inbetween him & I chatting, & every spare minute of the day he has he is on the dating site & not leaving it. As I've just been poppping on & back off again. So I do think he is chatting with 'more than just me' & additional reasons I was a bit standoffish towards his advancements. I did actually put that question to him, but he denied he was chatting to other women. I have my doubts.

He wants to see me again, but I am going to make excuses now as he lives 13 miles away & will just tell him 'we can't have a long-term relationship living 13 miles apart' He'll have to accept that, but is the other reasons more so. Thank you as I agree - women should be respected & not used as sex objects especially when you don't know each other that well as well.

StarlightLady · 06/08/2019 07:31

OP, go with those instincts. I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong time to progress or a requirement to know someone x days or even hours. But there is a requirement for non sexist language and to try not to go beyond your own comfort zone.

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:48

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:48

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:48

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:50

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:50

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:50

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:51

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:51

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:52

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 07:53

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 08:03

I met my fiancée on match when I was 49 .. I'm now 53 and we are very happy and getting married next year ... I found Match the best .. steer clear of POF and Tinder .. I kissed a lot of frogs .. this one sounds a bit frog like !!! Carry on the search OP .. and have fun along the way ... don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with xx

Shoxfordian · 06/08/2019 08:24

Next time someone starts talking about sex before you've met then block him. Don't even go on a date with someone like that. I met my dh on ok cupid, it's free, you may want to try it.

firstimemamma · 06/08/2019 08:46

The lesson to be learned here is to not meet up with men who send inappropriate messages!

Sorry you had a bad experience Thanks

Janet0478 · 06/08/2019 10:14

That's OK. Yes, I think I will run a mile if another talks like that to me again.

I just had a message, from another man who lives locally to me who said 'Hello, I'm local wondered if you wanted to hook up together' I politely told him - 'That is not the way to start messaging a lady'. I've not had a reply bacl apologising so his loss.

northernknickers · 06/08/2019 10:49

After a while OP, you do become quite savvy at quickly spotting the signs. Honestly, don't even engage with the ones who are rude, overly flirtatious, use 'text talk' or whatever other non-negotiables you have set yourself. It's really not worth your time and energy...and won't end with an apology, as your last post suggested that you thought was appropriate.

(As an aside, though, you say that a '13 mile' distance was too far? That wouldn't even get me outside my hometown...you might need to be a little more flexible with that one I'm afraid! 13 miles really isn't a 'long distance relationship' even though you don't drive...with online dating, people are more likely to need to travel a little bit.)

Good luck to you...it's a minefield out there 😳😱

StarlightLady · 06/08/2019 13:28

@northernknickers - The OP will correct me if I have this wrong, but as I read it, the 13 miles were not the real problem. She was using it as her “Get out of jail card”, as clearly the datee (is that a word?) was not for her and seemingly had all the tact and subtlety of a shagging rhinoceros.

Original poster
Janet478 · 07/08/2019 07:34

@northernknickers The fact I don't drive makes distance a problem for me for long-term relationships. When you don't drive people will understand more. Yes I can get trains or buses, but closer to home would be more preferable for me. Hopefully I could know or keep an eye on the person that they are NOT playing away with another woman also.

As with long-term relationships, especially with the one I met with and he posted message to me about having it off on the first night. If he's like that with me who's to say he's not trying it on with other women also (?) So I can't know what he does behind the scenes - as I have seen him on the dating site 24/7 whenever he is not doing anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janet478 · 07/08/2019 07:37

@northernknickers I wasn't using it as a' get out of jail card' as you put it. After meeting with him I just can't see it working out, with the distance, even if with another person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janet478 · 07/08/2019 07:39

Thank you to all the others who posted replies to my post. Advice taken, thank you

OP posts:
northernknickers · 07/08/2019 08:09

It wasn't me who said you were using a 'get out of jail card'. That was another poster, who thought you were just making excuses not to see the guy again.

OP...I was actually trying to be helpful, as you seem quite new to online dating 😮

I think we all now know that you want someone closer...so that you can (in your words) 'keep an eye on him to make sure he's not talking to other women'. Your opening post says that you were 'spying' on the guy too, to check if he was talking to other women. Then called him out on it! He's on a dating site...he's single...he's allowed to chat to whoever he likes, whenever he likes! And so are you! At the risk of being shot down again...until you have an exclusive relationship with someone, you don't get a say in who they are talking to...and spying on a stranger on the internet is plain unhealthy 🤷‍♀️

Dieu · 07/08/2019 08:28

He's a creep. I'm glad you stood your ground. And with THE most unsexy excuse of your laundry hanging up! GrinStar