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Original poster

my DH juat doesn't talk to me! How often do you chat with your partner?

98 replies

plugsock · 03/08/2019 08:37

What I mean is? Minus all the boring stuff about kids, planning, discussing everyday boring stuff like shopping, organising a holiday or whatever. How often do you just chat about random stuff with your partner.

My DH and I hardly talk. I might say something about something that happened at work. He just says nothing. Silence.
I talked about a neighbour's chat I had when I bumped into him - again no response.

It makes me feel really lonely tbh! I find it boring too! He just hardly talks to me. I don't know why he does this. He wasn't like this when I first met him.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/08/2019 08:41

We talk all the time-sometimes about the boring necessities, often Chat shit and make time for deep and meaningful as we felt we had lost our way a bit being only mum and dad and none of him and I

Blutopia · 03/08/2019 08:48

My DH is similar - although not quite to that extent! It depends on his mood, if he's in the middle of something or distracted he might give no response at all, or make a sort of irritated noise like he's trying to drown out my droning. Sometimes he acts like a 10 year old and says something stupid/irrelevant or just blows raspberries. Hmm Most of the time he just looks pained like I'm half witted.

But I'd say that 50% of the time, he makes an effort. We do talk about random stuff other than day to day things, we do take the piss (especially out of family and the neighbours), and he makes me howl with laughter every day.

He gets away with being aloof the other 50% of the time, although I agree it can feel lonely when you need a chat and you turn to the one person in your life you can share stuff with, and they're not interested.

I usually make sarky remarks like "Glad we've had this little chat" or "Yes Blu that's very interesting Blu I've been meaning to discuss that with you what do you think about it?"

Falls on deaf ears obvs but makes me feel better. Does he know his lack of response makes you feel a bit crap?

Adversecamber22 · 03/08/2019 08:51

Apart from the domestic stuff we talk about highbrow stuff, science, economics, history. We also talk about current affairs and sport. then there is the decidedly low brow stuff like gossiping about people we know or daft stuff like if I ruled the world I would bring in x law.

flametrees · 03/08/2019 08:53

Not nearly enough. Usually he watches tv and passes the odd comment. Conversation was the reason I fell in love with him. Certainly didn't last.

Ellabella989 · 03/08/2019 08:58

Depends on my DP’s mood. If he’s busy doing something or he’s had a really bad day at work or exhausted then he barely speaks and just wants to zone out in front of the TV. Otherwise he’s very chatty and we talk about everything and anything together. The sillier the better

kazza446 · 03/08/2019 09:00

I’m with you here op! He will come home from work. I will ask him how his days been and I will get a one word answer. I never get a reply or asked how my day went. Conversation tends to be about the kids and tasks. He often never responds if I tell him something. It drives me mad. I had a significant meeting with work yesterday. He sent me a text message asking me to do something for him. I replied and said I could do it after (significant meeting) he never wished me well or replied later to see how it had gone 😡. I get so lonely. Keep myself busy working or with the kids. X

TanMateix · 03/08/2019 09:03

Every day after work, before bed again and sometimes have a quick discussion about the news before we leave for work.

With my exh we used to talk all the time in the first years, but by the end of the marriage we were just having a quick discussion about things that needed going.

Honestly people... some relationships die while we are busy doing other things. If things have gone to the point of indifference, there is no going back. You can keep them as a lodger/au pair/flatmate/financial partner but if they are not even interested in talking to you, forget about being a couple, you are not even friends.

Soola · 03/08/2019 09:05

We talk about anything and everything. I never realised when I was with my ex just how little we chatted and it was mainly due to not having the same views, opinions and interests.

HarryBlackberry1 · 03/08/2019 09:08

My ex h was like this. We were together almost 20 years. I felt so incredibly lonely. He'd come in from work and I'd say 'how was your day?' and he'd reply 'fine, I'm not there now', and that was it for the night. We ended up living like flatmates. We've now been separated for 4 years and I'm with a real chatter box now. It's so much better. It was soul destroying beforehand. It was the loneliness that prompted me to suggest separating. I felt like a shell. Are you sure you're with the right person?

Tingface · 03/08/2019 09:11

Could he be depressed?

Dhalandchips · 03/08/2019 09:17

My exh largely ignored the whole family when he was at home. If I tried to start a conversation, he would tut, sigh, pointedly close his oh-so-important laptop (game or FB) then look at me abs say 'is it important?' he did it to the kids too. I did an experiment once, I didn't say a single thing one day after he got in from work. Cooked tea, got kids to bed etc... Sat down to wait for him to initiate a conversation. Four hours later I went to bed. I think that was the time I decided the marriage was over. So sorry you're feeling lonely xx

BethanyGilbert · 03/08/2019 09:19

We’re the same. I’m worried it’s the death knell. And now he’s watching cricket every night I’m bed I’m even more worried.
I make sure I ask him about work every evening at dinner and tell him about mine. But the last two nights it was cricket up the dinner table. Sad
We’re going our baby free tonight so I’m wondering what we will talk about.

1300cakes · 03/08/2019 09:20

Not much really.

I'm realistic - after a while what is there to talk about really.

But even so, sometimes my DH could try harder. I don't expect sparkling conversation daily but occasionally there will be an event happen that seems like an obvious thing to discuss. He still won't bother bringing it up, or responding if I do. For example, I was selling my investment property which I had from before we were together. I got a call from the real estate agent telling me I had an offer. After I got off the phone, I thought DH may ask how the sale was going but he didn't. I said "do you want to know what's happening?". He said nothing. That could have easily been 10 minutes of conversation about a pretty significant event and he just wasn't bothered.

BethanyGilbert · 03/08/2019 09:23

I should also say that even when I want to discuss big things like weddings or new house he says “why are you bringing this up now”. Conversation is really limited to what’s on TV or DD.

firstimemamma · 03/08/2019 09:26

What does he do for a living? Does he have a demanding or exhausting job?

My fiancé works 13 hour shifts in a & e and can sometimes hate chatting but I know that he's shattered when this happens so I give him space.

Cooroo · 03/08/2019 09:27

We talk a lot but I'm aware there are times he doesn't and I've learned to just wait. After work for an hour or so, setting off for a journey.
We walk together a lot and talk about TV, Brexit, the state of the world etc.

Spanglyprincess1 · 03/08/2019 09:27

I left my exh for this. He had no idea what was happening. Once we had seen each other for three days and I got up to go walk dog with him and he told me I could only come if I didn't caht at all to him. I spoke to him and he walked off tutting.
It was horrific. I was less lonley living alone by myself

KUGA · 03/08/2019 09:33

Blimey, theres something wrong here.
Me and my husband hardly ever stop chatting.
Pretty much about everything under the sun.
Couldn't live like that.
Maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine.

1300cakes · 03/08/2019 09:44

Maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine.

The problem is this is exactly what they want - us to shut up and never talk. So it would hardly be a taste of medicine, more like a great reward.

hazeyjane · 03/08/2019 09:51

We talk about politics, tv and inane shit a lot. Unless one of us is tired and stressed, in which case we stare at books/phones/tablets and wait it out until we start talking shit again.

I think without the talking stupid shit part if our relationship I would feel very lonely too.

Sometimes when things have been full on and we are talked out, we'll take a day off and drive somewhere (no kids), with music on and coffees....car journeys have always been great for us for just chatting and being stupid with each other.

lurkingfromhome · 03/08/2019 09:52

I don't agree at all with there being nothing to talk about after a while. That sounds awful.

We talk about the news, current affairs, books we're reading, films we've seen or want to see, funny things that happened in our day, idle gossip about people, childhood memories, stuff going on with our families, food, the garden, our pets, plans we have for holidays, moving house etc.

The only thing we rarely talk about is my job because I don't think DH really understands what I do and he doesn't find it particularly interesting anyway so he doesn't ask me much about it beyond how my day went.

FiveLittlePigs · 03/08/2019 09:54

Relationships need chit chat. We’re always laughing, chatting, teasing and generally enjoying each other's company. We do allow space if one of us needs it but generally we're yapping away all day about anything and everything.

adaline · 03/08/2019 09:57

We do talk a fair bit but I hate conversation for the sake of it. I'd rather sit in silence than talk about a chat he had with Joan next door about her cat, for example.

We talk about work, the dog, our extension, holidays; the future - all sorts. But I couldn't be in a marriage where I was expected to talk just for the sake of not being in silence.

Different strokes, I guess! Luckily DH is similar.

adaline · 03/08/2019 09:57

but generally we're yapping away all day about anything and everything

See, that would be my worst nightmare!

SallyWD · 03/08/2019 09:59

We talk a lot about anything and everything. My husband is more chatty than me. If I'm tired and stressed I'm sometimes a bit monosyllabic with him and don't engage much in conversation. Generally though we have nice chats.