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Original poster

OLD for 2 weeks... Most of these men are vile!

47 replies

PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 07:43

My 5 year relationship ended 7 months ago and 2 weeks ago I decided to try OLD.

My profile is pretty standard and my photos are boring but recent.

I have received quite a number of messages, 99.9% are from unsuitable men for example 15 years younger than me and the rest from perverts.

Here's some of the messages.

Him "Hi"
Me "Hi"
Him "wanna watch me wank?"

Next:
Him "Hi where in XXXX do you live?"
Me "Near so and so"
Him "that's close, want me to come fuck your brains out?"

Next:
Him " You look gorgeous in that dress" ( reference to one of my pictures)
Me "thank you. How are you today?"
Him "you wearing stockings or tights? I prefer stockings and suspenders"

Next:
Him "morning did you sleep well?"
Me " Hi yes thanks. How about you?"
Him " let's just say if you were here with me I would have woke you up with me inside you"

These are just a few, I have received many more all along the same lines.
It's actually making me not want to date any man at all.

Why do they believe a single woman in her 40s must be desperate for a shag so will accept their perverted requests?

I am feeling pretty low this morning after 2 more message exchanges with vile men.

Anyone got any advice or positive OLD stories?? Please.

OP posts:

MichelleC69 · 03/08/2019 10:41

Went through it myself a few years ago, also in my 40's. Almost gave up hope and then met my (now) husband. Don't give up hope - there are a few gems out there!

TildaKauskumholm · 03/08/2019 10:47

Met my DH through OLD 20 years ago, but it was a site where men had to pay membership, so it probably helped. Can only imagine the number of creeps and perverts doing it now (and the dick pics - shudder) . There must be some decent men around, but yes you will have to be ruthless and persevere.

over50andfab · 03/08/2019 11:05

OP you get much more “interesting” messages than I do!

A few months back when I got a message a box popped up from OKC asking no if I was ok with it or wanted to report. It seems they had a filter set for any messages containing risqué words - they must have taken it off I guess.

It really is a lottery on there and it does take guts to d OLD, but there are sincere guys looking for the same things we are.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 03/08/2019 11:09

OLD for men and women:

Men:
"Why does no one ever reply?"
Women:
"Why does every pervert message me?"

It's weird, women seem to get inundated with all manner of messages, men get 1 or 2 initial messages and instead have to message just about every woman in a 25mile radius to get a single response.

The hole thing is a numbers game, best not to play it.

tierraJ · 03/08/2019 13:33

One of my colleagues tried POF, she dated the first man who messaged her & it was his first date from POF too.

They've been together for 2 years now & are so similar it's uncanny- both ex boarding school, both well paid local authority jobs in different but close areas, like travelling & not bothered about having children etc..

I have several other current & past colleagues who have married due to meeting through OLD.

So don't give up hope!!

Idleandsunny · 03/08/2019 14:01

I joined Tinder recently and no-one has sent me awful messages! I’ve chatted to a couple of nice guys. If anyone says ‘hi’ I unmatch instantly....I don’t want to date someone that opens with that.

PamelaTodd · 03/08/2019 16:05

It’s such a fast and effective way of weeding out creeps though. I remember the old fashioned way of dating where you could waste so much time before realizing a guy was a creep. Now they send you a dick pic and you know straight away.
And when you discover that a guy is a creep you don’t have to extricate yourself politely or endanger yourself because it’s all online.
I’m expecting the human race to benefit massively over the next couple of generations as the creeps wash out of the gene pool.

Don’t take it personally op, or think that it reflects on you in any way. There are great ones in there too. There’s always been more toads than princes, but at least with OLD you don’t have to kiss them first.

Littlejets · 03/08/2019 19:56

Ah, those messages used to make me laugh so much. Always ignored them though. My DP approached me very differently which is why I gave him the time of day (met on pof) and we've been together for over a year now.

stucknoue · 03/08/2019 20:09

Same here, they are crazy. I've been asked to join threesomes (if I wanted that I'd still be with h) asked to send a picture of my breasts and (perhaps legitimate but odd) asked to move to northern Spain all within 2-3 messages

stucknoue · 03/08/2019 20:10

The up side is loads of matches but they are crazy

Mysterian · 03/08/2019 21:39

A lot of single men are creeps and weirdos. That's why they're single. They ask "Wanna fuck?" and imagine they sound like Templeton Peck. [obscure reference].

Just delete, delete, and delete some more. One profile I saw had a note at the bottom asking that any reply have the word "sunflower" [example] in the message heading, so she could just delete the people who hadn't read her whole profile without having to open the message.

And pay sites are better that free ones.

Tobebythesea · 04/08/2019 07:08

A few of my friends used Eharmony to meet their DH including me and another friend used Bumble. I’d try a few different sites including paid ones. I’ve heard good things about Guardian Soulmates.

Agree with all the advice above. Do any of the “Wanna fuck?” messages ever work for these men?!

Tobebythesea · 04/08/2019 07:09

That’s such a good idea about the code word.

Original poster

PennysPocket · 04/08/2019 09:19

I am going to stick with it and be ruthless 😁
Had a message this morning. By message number 4 he's asking if I have WhatsApp.
I replied I don't give my number to strangers. He told me to fuck off then mardy cow

OP posts:

over50andfab · 04/08/2019 10:44

I used to never exchange numbers until I’d met them, but have relaxed that slightly now. If we’ve exchanged enough messages that I’m comfortable doing so then when they ask move to WhatsApp I ask for their number first. Not been told to fuck off yet....but give it time .

I do think you have to be tough with OLD. To begin with it’s all quite fascinating, and as “fresh blood” on any new app there’s always loads of initial interest. Then you have to learn to be selective. I agree with the decent first message (though have given guys who just say ”I like/identify with your profile” a chance by asking what in particular they like/identify with). I also appreciate decent grammar - amazing how so many use no punctuation whatsoever . I also agree that if they cba to write any sort of profile then I cba to reply to their message.

For my first date on Match I was stood up. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry...as it was a Sunday afternoon and I was near shops I elected to buy my favourite chocolate

I now take a somewhat laid back approach and try to have a bit of fun with it. I have replied to a 23 yr old who said I looked gorgeous by telling him I have a DC older than him, (he was sweet, bit of convo and we wished each other all the best). I have chatted to an 83 yr old who has a wife with dementia in a care home. She doesn’t recognise him any more and his daughters have given him their blessing to date. He thinks we would be perfect - I disagree (not ready to be anyone’s carer) but did feel for him as he was obviously very lonely. Then there’s the guy who I had a lot of very “robust” discussion with who showed more and more just how negative, judgemental and homophobic he was...odd considering his first message said from reading my profile (in which I say I dislike negative judgemental people) he thought we were so well suited . I could go on...

I’ve seen a few guys use the code word thing. I tend to just put please read my profile before messaging as I won’t respond to generic messages (the first test being do they know what generic means ).

Julietee · 04/08/2019 10:54

Stbxh has had luck on guardian soulmates, I’ve met dp on okcupid.
Yeah, there’s a lot of idiots. Just make sure your profile is suitably fleshed out to deter the wank merchants, and ignore the illiterates. At least they show themselves early.

Stillstrawberrywater · 04/08/2019 10:56

Yeah I don't understand how they think those sort of messages are going to sucessfull. I wonder what the conversation rate are for those types of messages

Steer clear of the players. You can normally tell them a mile off. They normally have topless photos, mutiple photos in bars/nightclubs etc. Keep an eye out for the guys who actually make the effort to write a bit about themselves and try and match up with someone with similar interests.

over50andfab · 04/08/2019 15:47

Agree stills - hate the topless pics taken in bed or bathroom mirror .

Another bugbear I have on match is so many men are only looking for women up to many years younger than them - stupidly unrealistic in some cases and very off putting. I mentioned it to one guy and he just replied that he does not have that in his search parameters. - hey, then why have it in your bio??? FFS!

happinessischocolate · 04/08/2019 16:03

Same, not had any rude messages yet.

I do reply to guys who say hi though, I just say hi back and then see if they're more forthcoming in the next message. Male friends have said they rarely get replies so it must be soul destroying to keep sending thoughtful messages and not getting anything back. Give them a chance.

over50andfab · 04/08/2019 16:41

I’ve tried the hi back thing and sort of mirrored them. It was like they expected me to make all the effort and they had nothing to say, so I’ve given up on doing that. I had all that sort of thing with my ex.

I do try to help though..if someone continually winks or favourites me on match I eventually message them and suggest that this can be irritating for some women and perhaps consider writing a bio, list hobbies etc, then actually message someone they like. It really is tough, and the alternative is just to block, which is rather harsh.

Starlight39 · 04/08/2019 16:48

I actually found okcupid the worst one for dodgy messages! I’d switch around to see which sites you prefer. Tinder has a bad reputation but at least people can only message if you’ve matched (although I think there are some paid options that allow that to be bypassed now 🙄). So that allows you to avoid any who openly look dodgy (shirtless pics etc). I met DP on tinder, he was just dipping a toe in very cautiously and I was the first person he went on a date with!

I did have a couple of polite “what are you here for?” Conversations on tinder where they said they just wanted sex and we agreed we wanted different things and wished each other all the best.

It didn’t exist when I was dating but friends have had good experiences with bumble.

james1900 · 29/08/2019 22:53

i joined OkCupid ages ago and delete my profile, i joined again last week and notices someone is using my old pictures..

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