Do you consider your in laws family?

[Firefly111]

As the title really...I’ve seen numerous threads where posters refer to their in-laws as not being family and I’m just interested if this is a popular view!

Well, DBIL is divorced. His ex-wife is still very much part of the family.

No, not really. I rarely see them unless there's something big like a funeral. Late MIL was rather pushy and gushy which I found off-putting. We were polite but didn't really understand each other and she never took to her other DIL who is very 'cool' - a bit sad really. I never felt that I was a part of their family.

Mind you, I don’t think the PILS would be that bothered to keep in touch with me anyway. That would be too much like hard work for them.

We don't have a great relationship with MIL. I've never managed or even triedto reach the exacting standards she set for her DILs. Sadly, for her, our marriage, the one she predicted would last six months 'if do was lucky', is still going strong after nearly 40 years! She has never made an effort to have a relationship with our dcs and has caused a distance to exist between Dh and his siblings. However, despite that, yes, I do consider her to be family. I make sure she is treated equally to my mum ( who isn't without her faults) And that she is always given the opportunity to be included in family events.

Yes I do, but like all families there are some that I get on better with than others. We don't spend much time with my DH's family due to geographical distance (ILs now deceased). I was close to MIL when she was alive but it was just sheer luck, on both sides, that we got on well and both respected 'boundaries'.

In all honesty no. I’m one of those people who put things into compartments and I guess I have a compartment for blood relatives which they will never make it into.

No. I like my ILs, but they are DH’s family, not mine. I have plenty family to be getting on with.

I did, but PILs have sadly both died now.

The relationship wasn't without it's stresses and strains,but they were good people and still did help us a lot and I do still look back on them fondly.

No. They aren’t friendly or welcoming towards me or the DC. I tried for years but I’ve given up now, they don’t like me, so it’s not going to change.

Yes, definitely - once you're married surely that's the point? I don't always get on with my IL's or agree with them, but they are my DH's parents and our DS's grandparents so therefore they're family. They mean well and have helped us out a lot though, I can imagine it would be different if there were serious issues like abuse though.

I like my ILs but they are not my family, they are DHs and the children’s.

Yes my sil is amazing. Unfortunately PIL and SIL live on the other side of the world but when we are together it feels like it's always been that way. Maybe we have a good relationship because they're not here all the time!

I agree with @IceCreamAndCandyfloss

If I were to split from my DH then I'd not see them again, although if he were to die then I'd still make sure they saw the DCs. Never had any particular issues as such, just how I feel (& I imagine they'd feel the same).

I love my in-laws but they live in another county so we only maintain contact via FaceTime. They visit every couple of years. I’m very close to my dsis in-laws. She’s been with bil since they were 18 and they’re younger than me. We socialise with them a lot and bil parents join us for Christmas every year.

Absolutely. But that's because they're simply lovely, and accepted me into their family straight from the off. Basically they're the family I'd have loved to have from birth.

But had I married into another family, especially if they were unpleasant, it would be a different matter. I don't judge anyone who doesn't see their in-laws as family

I like them but they are DH's family not mine

absolutely! My in laws are fabulous. I am lucky

My PIL, definitely yes. Nieces and nephews on DH’s side, definitely yes. DH’s siblings, not so much. Because of ages and circumstances, we see nephews independently of their parents, and the family relationship is there for me (I’ve known them since they were very young) where it isn’t with their parents. One sibling I just have zero in common with and I know she thinks I’m weird because we’re so different. One is just off the radar most of the time.

My sister’s partner is family as he’s been a friend for a very long time, but brother’s partner is very distant and it’s hard to consider someone family if you don’t think they’ll be a permanent fixture.

Although I said above I don’t see PIL as family I absolutely see my sil (brothers wife) as family. They’ve been together since they were teenagers and she’s always been a part of our family, as is her mum. I guess it depends how much time you spend together, how you get on and effort put into the relationship

Should add to my post, that although my FIL and step-MIL are weapons grade arseholes, my MIL and step-FIL are fantastic
We don’t see them often due to distance, but when we do see them, it’s like we’ve never been apart. The DCs adore them, and speak to MIL on FaceTime etc regularly - which is great because it helps keep their relationship going and also helps the DCs with their language skills! We are a multi-lingual household, so they speak to their grandma in her native language

My DH's adults i'd say not really, maybe second cousins? I'm on good terms with them all and friendly is all I aspire to. They aren't horrible but play favourites which make a deeper relationship impossible. Nieces and nephews I love the same.

In my family I love my sil and bil.

Yes my in-laws are treated as family. We also treat our grandsons’ girlfriends as family and buy them birthday/Christmas presents. As we get older and relatives die it becomes apparent that those left are valued even more. My old dad once gave me a piece of advice that I have always adhered to and that was never to take any notice of anything annoying that a relative says to you - let it go over your head as the trouble it causes is never worth it. It’s advice that has allowed me to have a happy and harmonious, loving relationship with them throughout the years. Would also add that people change over the years and those you could cheerfully strangled when younger have become close, supportive friends.

Yes definitely. They have their foibles and peculiarities just as my family do, but then we don’t choose family.
When I married, we became one as a couple. That means we take on each other’s families our own, through thick and thin.

Unfortunately, no.

Some I do. PIL I see as DH family - his mum's been a total controlling bitch to us both playing us off against each other, and our kids. DH thinks it's a cultural thing.

Particularly in Indian culture PIL expect us to call and treat them as our own mums and dads. Not happening here as my mum is no longer here and totally insensitive of MIL.

The relatives that matter to DH (aunts, nieces) in his family I do see and treat as I do my own family.

In laws and politics never end!