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Original poster

Do you consider your in laws family?

117 replies

Firefly111 · 26/07/2019 07:32

As the title really...I’ve seen numerous threads where posters refer to their in-laws as not being family and I’m just interested if this is a popular view!

OP posts:
museumum · 26/07/2019 07:58

Kind of. I mean yes they’re our extended family but dh has all the responsibility for communication and gifts and such like while I have responsibility for my side of the family.

Original poster
Firefly111 · 26/07/2019 07:59

Interesting mix of responses! I have a great relationship with mine, although MIL can overstep the boundaries a bit sometimes since we’ve had a DD. I have learnt to be more assertive with her where that’s concerned though and although she annoys me at times I know it comes from a good place. I think of them as family just as much as I do my own parents and if anything they are actually there for us more than my parents! Interesting to see the dynamics in different families.

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 26/07/2019 07:59

Yes. Absolutely.

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Families
MarieFromStTropez · 26/07/2019 08:00

I consider my PIL family, but unfortunately they don't feel the same way about me Sad.

HandsOffMyRights · 26/07/2019 08:02

They also favour DH's sisters and treat them and their children very differently to mine.

The contrast g treatment of their grandchildren has been in a big factor in my relationship with them.

MIL told me she once rotated Christmas between the children (in other words she went to one daughter one year and the other the next - missing out my husband).

ExpletiveDelighted · 26/07/2019 08:07

Yes, although as others have said DH takes responsibility for their cards and presents and makes arrangements for us to go and stay or whatever. I used to chat to my late DMIL a lot and I really miss her.

Troels · 26/07/2019 08:09

I do, but apparently they don't consider us family. Dh went NC with MIL many years ago, but we saw his sisters regularly for years, once we moved it seems to be a case of out of sight out of mind, I continued to send cards etc and try to keep contact but we've been ignored for daring to move.

MarieFromStTropez · 26/07/2019 08:10

HandsOffMyRights, we have the same issue. PIL favour SIL and her DC and ignore ours. It's heartbreaking for our DC, but what can you do?

We went NC with SIL years ago due to our awful behaviour. MIL is always going on at DH for 'breaking up the family'. She just doesn't see that it was SIL's behaviour that broke up the family. Just doesn't see it at all.

M0RVEN · 26/07/2019 08:12

You will soon find out if they are your family if you divorce their son/daughter.

If they really are your family, they will stick with you. That’s what families do.

In 95% of cases, the in-laws drop you. So that shows that whatever you think, THEY don’t think of you as family.

There’s a lot of social pressure on women to take on the wifework of dealing with their husband’s family. Funnily enough, no one seems to expect this of men. I don’t see men out choosing gifts for their MIL and sending her regular Snapchats of the kids.

When I got married, one of my SIL ( husbands brothers wife ) gave me a list of all the “ Smith family birthdays “. This included my husband’s siblings and their children but NOT any of the wives / husbands.

It was interesting that she thought he was his domestic PA and that spouses didn’t count. Yes, all married with children ( not that that should make any difference ) and all for more than 10 years. Sigh.

Mammyloveswine · 26/07/2019 08:13

Yes I'm very close with my in laws! Love them!

Grasspigeons · 26/07/2019 08:13

Yes. They are as related to my children as my family are and that makes them family to me. But luckily they are nice people. But even if they werent nice theyd still be family, just family i didnt like.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/07/2019 08:14

Some of them; never thought about this before. MIL yes, I'm very fond of her and my SIL who is lovely. Not so much the rest, I think it largely depends on how much interest you show in my children (bit freaked out now). Not fawning over just genuinely interest.

Soola · 26/07/2019 08:14

Yes. My husband is American and his relatives are the warmest and loveliest people imaginable. When we visit their hospitality is second to none and my children from a previous relationship were also immediately welcomed into the fold.

GrassIsntGreener · 26/07/2019 08:14

Oh goodness yes, they're a huge part of my life.

FlamingoQueen · 26/07/2019 08:14

I do consider IL’s as family and I think that’s why it bothers me so much that they’ve completely ignored us since Boxing Day. For no reason other than they spend all their time with SIL and her 2 DC. My 2 DC were fed up of hearing about all the holidays they had planned with their other 2 GC when they’d always promised to take my 2 away. My DH is not interested in building bridges, he says there’s no point - we’ve tried on numerous occasions and they just aren’t interested.

LillithsFamiliar · 26/07/2019 08:14

Honestly it depends whether I like them or not.So I view my two SILs, one DBIL and some of DH's neices and nephews as family. Other DBILs and DSILs I don't.

flowery · 26/07/2019 08:16

Yes. But to be fair I’ve known them since DH and I were 14!

OtraCosaMariposa · 26/07/2019 08:16

Not really but that's because they don't consider me as part of their family. MIL would never, ever call me just for a chat. We live a long way from them and see them very rarely. They are great with the kids and certainly consider them "family" but have no interest in me, what I'm doing and so on.

And DH and I have been together 25 years, this isn't a new relationship.

WicketWoo · 26/07/2019 08:16

Absolutely yes.

MIL and I had some issues when the kids were little but we found a way through it all and she is a great support to our whole family now.

Kaiylee · 26/07/2019 08:17

Yes but they have embraced me as part of the family and we have a good relationship. I've even been to see them shock horror, without DH.

isabellerossignol · 26/07/2019 08:17

Yes, I do.

They annoy the hell out of me sometimes but then so do my own family.

urbanlife · 26/07/2019 08:18

Yes I do. Particularly once children are born.

Threedaysaweek2019 · 26/07/2019 08:18

No. Not my PILS anyway.

Misogynistic with a dose of racism, homophobia, fat shaming and good old narcissism thrown in.

If dh and I divorce, or he died, that’s the end of my contact with them as far as I’m concerned.

The only people I’d think about staying in touch with is DBIL DSIL, nephew and niece.

golddustwomen · 26/07/2019 08:19

No. As a pp mentioned, I struggle with their ways and their beliefs. I have to bite my tongue A LOT. Also due to their beliefs they treat my children different to their other grandchildren. For that reason alone I don't see them as family.

Minai · 26/07/2019 08:19

In all honesty no. They showed very little interest in me (or dh) until we had kids. We live 200 miles away and saw them about twice a year. All of a sudden they want to see us every few weeks and I find it hard to go from absolutely no relationship to a really full on one with people I don’t know. Dh finds it irritating as he feels they don’t really care about him and just see us as access/barriers to their grandchildren. It’s hard.

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