I want it I don’t want it I want it I don’t want it

[Fruityb]

Is this a phase all small children go through? Because if it is I can cope....

My son is nearly three. He saw a pair of trainers he liked and said yes when I asked him to try them. Took his shoe off he refused to try it on. I go to put them back and he says he does. Try it again, pulls foot away; put them back.... repeat.

I ask him to choose a new plate - plastic ones in Sainsbury’s - and he picks one. So I get it. He doesn’t want it. I put it back: he wants it....

New toothbrush - got the Lightning McQueen one but then he proceeded to shout and scream crocodile. Went to swap it and got the fucking crocodile for him to then scream lightning for ten minutes.

He is driving me insane at the moment. I don’t give in and usually just say no resulting in tears and snot and tantrums. But he doesn’t change his behaviour!! It’s like he just changes whatever it is so he can continue bawling at me!

I won’t mention he also refused to put his own shoe back on so I said he had to go in the trolley. The little git then yanked my hair so was sat in the main part of the trolley with one shoe on and still refused to put the other one back on. I was a
Woman on the fucking edge this morning....

He’s generally a really good kid but there are parts of his personality im seeing that I really dislike quite strongly and I don’t know where it’s coming from. He’s good as gold at his childminders - it’s like he does it just for me!

Making a lovely rod for your own back there.

He's 2.

Logic does not come into it. Yes it is a phase.

It’s totally normal. It is a phase. Grit your teeth and smile through it.

He’s learning about free choice but his brain is not developed enough to make a logical one. He doesn’t know why he keeps changing his mind either, and is just as frustrated as you are.

It will get better

I'm waiting for DGS to start doing this, and then I'm going to laugh at DD in a cruel and sardonic manner.

Completely normal behaviour. It is stressful and difficult to deal with, but just part of life with toddlers.

Definitely a phase.

What rod am I making? If he cocks about then he doesn’t get it. I don’t give in for the sake of it. I know how old my son is - I really dislike it when I genuinely ask for some advice as I am having a bloody tough day today and I get the eye roll brigade!!

Honestly I think 2 has been a tough year - they don’t call it terrible for nothing! I am hoping three signals a (small) change. He’s a really good boy most of the time but I do feel like he saves up the crap for me as his dad never gets it and neither does CM!

I managed to get done what I needed to but feel like I need a lie down afterwards. He’s laid up watching Madagascar and hoping he nods off.

He literally doesn’t know which one he wants! As soon as you give him one he understands that means he can’t have the other one and so it goes round and round. Perhaps step back from giving him tempting choices for a week or two? Scale it back to red cup or blue cup for his drink (and if he still can’t choose he can just have both - clearly not possible if you’re trying to buy him something so don’t let him choose throes things).

As much as it really, really seems like they do it on purpose, it's just yet another awful a phase.

Too young for so much choice.

Measure him for shoes and then order online yourself. Buy the plates you like. He doesn’t need to have a hand in these sorts of choices.

Don’t let him choose.

Also, if you are the primary care giver, as in DC spends more of their time with you, then yes, he absolutely is saving up all the crap for you! This too is totally normal!

Take is as a positive - he sees you as the constant in his life, and feels safe enough to push boundaries and misbehave.

As pp have said he is overwhelmed by choice, so maybe make more for him and let him choose things at home.

Make the choice simpler - "do you want a new plate?" Or don't give him a choice - it's just too overwhelming, he doesn't really understand yet. That's all, just a phase

Ditto that he is too young to make the decision! You choose and give it to him! He'll love it! Keep his eyes away from alternatives! Same goes with food/clothes! 😊

Yeah, pretty normal ime - although I don't remember it being a very short phase I'm afraid!

I think part of it is them getting used to the fact that when you make a choice, you lose the other option and in the moment that can feel really upsetting when you're only 2! Even my DS aged 7 will sometimes struggle to make a choice but he is able to reason it out with himself at least now. I think the best thing to do is see it as a learning experience for him even when it has been a nightmare for you!

And I think they save up testing out the tricky behaviour on the person they feel closest to.

Thanks all - he’s 3 next month. I was just utterly frazzled after this morning. He’s been a bit like this for a while but I thought giving him some choices was a good thing. I shall make some changes then!

I’m in the kitchen in front of the fan having some tiger bread I bought for myself! I still find this parenting thing so bloody hard at times. And I have six weeks off with the blighter!

Both mine went through this phase. DS2 is 4 and he's coming out the other side now. He knows it's ok to change his mind about some things but not others, he's learning to say what he means first time (and he's learning the hard way sometimes, like you don't say 'yes you can have my chocolate' to another boy at school if you want to eat that chocolate yourself...) and he knows there's always a point at which a decision is irreversible. It's definitely a phase, I think they do it when they realise they have a little control over their world, but I'd definitely not be going back to swap things once they're in the trolley, for example. I've been saying things like 'no, once it's in the trolley you've decided.' and then distract with other things.

Yes it's normal, but I think you're giving him too much choice. Sometimes it's appropriate to say do you want the red socks or the blue socks, but which socks do you want is too difficult. As adults, those wide decisions are sometime stressful (OK not about socks, but when it's important to you, as the socks are to a LO).

I don't know if these examples have all happened recently but if they have that's a lot of decisions in a short period. Sometimes, just present the new toothbrush as a lovely new toothbrush, he doesn't have to contribute to every decision.

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome Brilliant, I've not yet got DGC, but when I do that'll be me too. I've got to be content to visiting and leaving lights on all over their houses just now 😂😂

Re.the shoe situation, he's probably playing games. You did the right thing putting the shoe in your trolly. If he grabs your hair say 'no' very firmly (not shouting but stern) and take his hand off you. Repeat x 100000.

Normal phase and your his mum the one person he can do it with as you'll always there for him.
Best way to help him is give him a choice of two things each time eg the red cup or blue cup and then stick to his first choice over time he'll realise that there's no point having a tantrum as he's made his choice and your sticking to it.

Yes another one wondering why he has to choose everything. Just make the decision yourself and when he's old enough to express a preference he will!

It is hard OP! Keep going & make things as easy as you can for yourself. Leave all decisions to the adults for now. He's learning how to communicate and it's hard work!

Don't let him swap, first choice and that's it. Put it in the trolley and move on. By swapping you are making it too much of a decision for him. I saw someone doing this with their child in the supermarket the other day and it ended in an epic tantrum. Couldn't get my head around it, was thinking why are you even giving her the choice?

At that age I used to choose which one I thought dd would like and hold it up in front of her with a big grin and "oooh shall we get this?" and put it in the trolley. She's nearly 4 now and I've only recently started letting her to choose things in shops.

If choosing is something that is causing him more upset than pleasure, I’d either make the choices very simple ie choice of 2 plates or 2 toothbrushes etc than letting him choose a plate out of an entire shelf of plates/brushes. If that is still causing angst then for now I’d just make the choices for him until he’s a little older and able to enjoy being able to pick something himself.

I’ve been giving DGD the choice of two tee shirts etc in the morning and now instead of choosing one she’s now started saying “Neither” 🙈.