I want it I don’t want it I want it I don’t want it

[Fruityb]

Is this a phase all small children go through? Because if it is I can cope....

My son is nearly three. He saw a pair of trainers he liked and said yes when I asked him to try them. Took his shoe off he refused to try it on. I go to put them back and he says he does. Try it again, pulls foot away; put them back.... repeat.

I ask him to choose a new plate - plastic ones in Sainsbury’s - and he picks one. So I get it. He doesn’t want it. I put it back: he wants it....

New toothbrush - got the Lightning McQueen one but then he proceeded to shout and scream crocodile. Went to swap it and got the fucking crocodile for him to then scream lightning for ten minutes.

He is driving me insane at the moment. I don’t give in and usually just say no resulting in tears and snot and tantrums. But he doesn’t change his behaviour!! It’s like he just changes whatever it is so he can continue bawling at me!

I won’t mention he also refused to put his own shoe back on so I said he had to go in the trolley. The little git then yanked my hair so was sat in the main part of the trolley with one shoe on and still refused to put the other one back on. I was a
Woman on the fucking edge this morning....

He’s generally a really good kid but there are parts of his personality im seeing that I really dislike quite strongly and I don’t know where it’s coming from. He’s good as gold at his childminders - it’s like he does it just for me!

You didn’t get a choice with my mum. I never questioned it either.

When I was 10 we got kittens who very quickly realised there was a choice so I was outsmarted by an animal with a brain the size of a walnut.

She still made me eat cods roe while the cats had a choice of food.

I never did either which is why I wanted him to have one! My mum chose everything and sometimes when she bought me clothes I freaking hated them. I don’t want that to happen to him as I was always made to feel ungrateful.

But that can wait - clearly it’s what is causing the problem and I just didn’t give that a though! I thought it was a good thing but I didn’t think it would stress him out.

I dealt with this by always saying “Choose X or Y or neither” and if DS titted around, he got neither. He’s pretty decisive now, aged 4.

He is doing it just for you. He knows home and childminder is different, and he wants to know how different. So teach him, with very clear boundaries.

My threenager is so like this. He will choose something in a shop, then at 9pm will be in floods of tears because he wanted the blue toothbrush, or the green apples or whatever. If I've learnt anything in nearly 16 years of parenting it's not to allow toddlers to make decisions I jest, we all do it But really they are too little to make these 'massive choices' and they need to learn the whole choosing process, and that once you've chosen, that's it. To us it's just red or green apples, a quick ploy to make Tesco slightly less soul destroying (or in my case usually to divert his attention from the previous thing he was moaning about!) , but the them it's a massive decision, and learning about not having the other thing.

A very firm- this is the one you chose. Next time you can choose a different one/colour/type.

Repeated ad nauseum....

The toddlers years are so hard.

Thank you. My husband still isn’t home and I’ve been up since six with this nugget who has not had a nap either. I have had about as much as I can cope with today and the heat is about finishing me off!!

I have to take him for his haircut on Friday which will probably result in us both being a disgusting sweaty mess as he absolutely hates having his hair cut. I actually don’t know why I bother showering or putting make up on or even moving when it’s like this

Checking in for solidarity!! Three-nager also in these throws of chaos! Such fun......

Well tonight’s attempts at stories at bedtime is resulting in him shouting no no no no to every single one I start reading so I have now left him for the second time in his bedroom screaming blue murder: I’m being played like a bloody fiddle today and I’ve had absolutely as much as I can take.

I’m going up in five minutes and he listens or he’s just going to have to shout himself to sleep.

@ATowelAndAPotato has nailed it!

Snap! 'not that one' 'not that one' is what I've had... I'm thinking of getting Adam Mansbach's book- also in audiobook by Samuel L Jackson. 'Go the fuck to sleep'. Although with my luck DC will recite it verbatim at nursery tomorrow!

Show him what he’s getting (your choice, don’t give him any other options). He’s too young, maybe when he’s five but not now.

Show him this thread 😃

Then open the wine....

I feel your pain except that in our house its done the poo, not finished! Done the poo, not finished x about thirty before he decides he has actually finished.

Feel your pain OP. Here for solidarity. And agree you are doing NOTHING wrong they are just infuriating. I had to close my windows at bedtime yesterday for the screaming about not wanting to get undressed. I’m lying next to 3yo now (thankfully not screaming today) no idea when she’s going to decide to sleep. It’s so hard when they are good for the other parent too. I frequently feel a total failure when she skips off happily with my DH at the mere suggestion of cleaning her teeth which would have resulted in ww3 the previous night when I asked

Having a much better day today - I made the executive decision not to go anywhere as it’s too freaking hot. Besides being nagged for a snack every 30 seconds and him climbing on me making me sweaty and also that he has no wait time at all (as in it has to happen now or he just keeps saying it), we’re having a much better day! We’ve just been in and out of the garden and now we’re watching Moana for some chill time. I’m sincerely hoping the hype is true and this suffocating heat buggers off for a couple of days as I can no longer cope with sweat tash and ears.

Next time he throws a strop, I would record him and show it to your DH.
Let him see how bad he can get.

You're doing the right thing OP!!!
Imagine (as an adult) being forced out on a day trip by someone else! I'd have a meltdown myself!!

Well tonight’s attempts at stories at bedtime is resulting in him shouting no no no no to every single one I start reading so I have now left him for the second time in his bedroom screaming blue murder: I’m being played like a bloody fiddle today and I’ve had absolutely as much as I can take.

They're strange little things aren't they! Translate his reaction to 'I'm too hot and tired Mummy, I don't know what I want and don't know what to do with myself'

Just to add that if you decide on a new no choice approach, do not under any circumstances come home and say "hey look I got you a lovely new crocodile plate!" That is setting you both up for disappointment - he may instinctively wail that he hates it and you will feel defeated. Instead just leave said lovely plate casually on the side and do not mention it. If he happens upon it he is more likely to be pleasantly surprised.
Mine are 6 and 8 and I still do this with clothes if I've got something they need, just put in their bedrooms and pretend to forget all about it.
You have to out-psyche the little buggers 😁

FWIW here’s my two pennorth.

If he wants anything at all, it’s his own way.

As he is two, this is ambitious yet unrealistic. He’s not in charge however much he might want to be.

However....
The trick I think is to arrange things so that what you want and what he wants coincide wherever possible. This is not always possible and frankly exhausting, so pick the times when he has an option to those times when you can be bothered. The rest of the time keep it simple- red or blue and you couldn’t give a shit which he has.

My in-laws have a tree-hugging hippy mentality of ‘gentle parenting’ involving never saying no but instead painfully negotiating to a conclusion they can always live with.

Predictably:

1. My kids keep raising the bar to find out what they can get away with

2. The kids aren’t massively happy even though they are getting what they want, plus bucket loads of loving attention, purely because actually what they like is to have boundaries and the word ‘No’, far from being authoritarian oppression, is actually quite comforting.

3. The in-laws are fucking exhausted because the effort of this well-meaning woo-ness is actually more than simply exerting a bit of authority.

TL/DR: don’t pander to a two year old’s whims by limiting when they think having a whim is even an option.

We went to Tesco’s today for a couple of last minute bits before we go on holiday Saturday. I just put stuff in the trolley without asking and he followed me round and behaved like an angel! He got stuff and put it in for me and chatted to the lady at the till. 🤷🏻‍♀️ can’t work them out!

He’s been ever so good today even though it’s absolutely roasting here and too hot to even try anything. They even shut the soft play place as it was too hot there.

He’s got a haircut this morning then we’re going to said soft play as he hates having his hair cut and I’m all for bribery!!

I have only just let my 4 and 5 yo start to have a say in anything its just not worth the hassle op, theres plenty of time for that.

Three year olds are a handful as it is, so reduce anything that makes it worse imo

We’re on holiday and the little arsehole refused to sleep before half nine last night and then woke up just now at 7. Straight out of bed demanding to see the others were with - who were still asleep.

Then staged a sit in half way up the stairs of our two storey cottage. Refused to come down but would not go back up!! I am bloody exhausted after a long day travelling yesterday and this little terrorist is making sure I don’t get any more rest it would seem.

Disclaimer: I know he hasn’t done this on purpose but sweet fucking Jesus I am still knackered!!!

Oh dear. Another to say, he will come out of it & so will you. For a halfway sit in, I would either underarm /over shoulder lift & run thru the kitchen, grab something he can eat and straight outside whilst wittering about picnic breakfast,
or I would sit down too, either at the top or bottom of the stairs, depending which end it’s most important he doesn’t go to & witter quietly about things breakfast, sensible people sleeping, what there might be to do today, how we are definitely, definitely all going for a rest after lunch....

Good start to your holiday op I'd say a week ago I was at my wits end with my two year old. So I bought "how to talk so little kids will listen." It's a really interesting read - I've found that the language they suggest in the book has diffused many many tantrums and emotional meltdowns. It's incredible.

It may just be that I have confidence with my strategy for dealing with things now. He could so easily make me lose my rag or cry but now I feel more in control.

Two year olds are pesky little creatures

My DS still does this at 8 (minus the tantrum part), except now we can laugh about it and I joke that he's just indecisive.
It's all to do with learning to be in control of your own choices and thoughts, which is really interesting and once you get that it becomes a little easier to handle, but of course it doesn't always work out like that when you're in a hurry/tired/busy etc.

It's a good sign if kids misbehave mostly for you and mostly behave for others. It means they feel safe enough to do so because they know you'll still love them even if they wind you up but they don't have that sort of unconditional love with others.

It's really fascinating!