Uncomfortable realisations about myself

[RedHeadDiana]

Do you ever have one of them moment's were you have bad realisations about your character. Ive realised. ...

I'm lazy
I'm intolerant
I'm selfish

Fundamentally, there are very few people I like that much - I’m indifferent to nearly everyone.

Lazy (not at work but at home)
A bitch at times
Can be manipulative and calculating
Starting to feel bitter
Socially awkward

God, yes. I’m lazy and selfish too. Also judgey, very short on patience and an extreme pessimist. 😬 Weirdly, I have friends who claim to love me. 😆

I’m really moany too. I procrastinate, I cut corners where I can, I eat too much. I sometimes talk behind people’s backs. I’m indiscreet (not sure if correct spelling). I’m childish. I bear grudges and seek revenge where possible. Left to my own devices I fear I’d spend my life lying on the sofa alone surfing the internet and eating ice-cream.

My closest friends share the same negative traits luckily

I take things personally.

I overshare and am not very boundaried.

I resent it if I am nice to people and they are not nice back.

I’m selfish
Lazy
Greedy
Bitchy

I get bored really easily and seek out new sensations and experiences too readily.
I'm shit with money. Burns a hole in my pocket.
Worst of all for me, was the realisation that I'm far too serious and earnest sometimes. And I'm a massive intellectual and musical snob. I will judge the fuck out of you if you don't do music in any form. I see it as missing an important component!

I think it’s interesting how many people are so quick to say “I’m lazy / I don’t have enough willpower”

I’d be tempted to say that maybe you just set too high standards for yourself?

Disclaimer- recently had CBT for anxiety which really helped me turn a lot of negative thoughts around by questioning them- made me realise that maybe I am good enough after all!

I am not really a team player. I like to be in charge and largely work on my own.

I'm very prone to self sabotage and procrastination, I need great swathes of time entirely alone. I can be disgustingly slobbish. I don't let people in to my inner life very easily. I'm scruffy. I'm crap at dealing with the feeling of anger. I'm very disorganised.

I wouldn’t say a lot of the traits here are negatives. I realised when I was about 21, after being teased most of the way through school and desperate for people to like me, that it was futile, and since then I haven’t given two shits what anyone thinks of me.

I am incredibly selfish, I am vain, blunt and honest. But I don’t see any of those things as negative, I embrace them. I love that I have the freedom to do whatever I want and make myself happy. I love that I enjoy looking in the mirror. I love that I’m assertive and people always know where they stand with me (and I admit I do get a perverse kick out of it when people find me intimidating).

I am also lazy. But I’ve accepted that too and again I don’t see it as a negative. If I’m enjoying spending an entire Sunday in bed, then it isn’t time wasted. If making effort to do something would make me feel worse than sacking it off and not bothering, then it isn’t a problem.

I’m very open about how indifferent I am to most people. It’s just me. If people don’t like that they don’t have to be friends with me. I also have a trait that I’m not sure is negative but some people find unusual: I feel zero emotion when good or bad things happen to people I know, even those close to me. I will of course make all the right noises and would gladly help out in any practical way I could, but I don’t feel emotions about anything unless it directly affects me.

Onto the negatives: I’m a complete pessimist. I believe humans are inherently selfish. On that note, I probably would step over or backstab someone for my own gain, especially career-wise.

I can be two-faced. I try not to be, and I don’t maintain contact with people I don’t like, but I complain/bitch a lot about people I do like. I excuse it by way of saying I expect them to probably be bitching about me too.

I have absolutely no tolerance for pushover or people pleasers and if I encountered one I would take pleasure in telling them to toughen up and get over it.

Sometimes I feel pleasure when minor bad things happen to people I know. Not even people I don’t like.

I am also very lazy, I seem to give the impression of being busy and active but I am good at doing the absolute minimum to get by, whether that is being a parent, a dutiful friend & relative, an employee, a committee member etc. I say all the right things but do very little.

I am frequently amazed on Mumsnet at the sheer volume of things people do ... maybe they are making it up but I am genuinely happy with a full day of doing absolutely nothing ... and with my family out doing their own thing. I don’t need to be with other people to be happy.

I have bouts of non action and procrastination, I can come across as overly moral.

I have done a lot of work on insight. To be honest one of the best exercises (made this up) was thinking how long would I like to live (after a life changing diagnosis-nothing like one of those for a wake up call) and what kind of life do I want to look back on. What do I want to be doing each decade? That guides and motivates me.

I am also a fan of personality theory - I love the enneagram (see enneagram institute). There is a great wikipedia page about the motivations of each core type.

For me growth comes from exploring possibilities and embarking on new challenges. For others it might be learning to detach from people pleasing and following their hearts desire etc.

Lazy, disorganised, procrastinator who is very self-indulgent, always wants things & is constantly desperate to escape responsibilities/company/work/doing anything other than being home alone

1. I don't really like people...apart from my two grown up children and my granddaughter.

1. I'm NOT a 'people pleaser' (and have little tolerance for those who are...why would you? I don't get it!)

1. I'm actually quite nice...despite what the above might suggest 😂 I'm just not a pushover 🤷‍♀️

1. I love being home and cancel far too often...see number one...I'm happy with my admission that I just don't like many people these days 😂 (this might stem from the fact that I work in excess of 70 hours a week and in my 50s I'm flipping knackered and peopled-out by the time I'm done 🤦‍♀️).

1. I might be slightly greyer and have more wrinkles now, but I'm better looking than I was in my 20s...so how come I'm single 😂 (I'm probably scarier, definitely more confident, neither of which are endearing to the opposite sex 😂 👍)

Northern it doesn’t seem like you are THAT uncomfortable with your realisations 😁 good for you, but uncomfortable for the rest of us who just exposed our negative self talk.

You probably won’t like me as I’m a people pleaser 😅

@IABUQueen
I wasn't aware that we were supposed to be 'uncomfortable' with our faults. I'm very self-aware and old enough to know that whilst I have many faults, I can be aware of them and no longer be 'uncomfortable ' with them. I apologise if this has hit a nerve...are you also going to call out the other posters who are clearly not 'uncomfortable' or just me, because one of mine happened to to mention that I am not a people pleaser...which you said you were? 🤔.

I think for many of us we have far too much going on in our lives

For many of us our lives are bigger more occupied by life outside our bubble and it’s overwhelming so we retreat

And on top of that we are constantly fed through the media we need to be successful we should be positive and happy and go getting

As I have got older I have thought fuck that I am quite happy being me and I am not always positive, want to have fun, and accept myself more actually I celebrate it it’s liberating to be myself

I am a terrible people's pleaser. I have no boundaries and let people walk all over me. I've been hurt so many times and dont know how to stand up for myself. It's let to me feeling very alone.

@MothralovesGojira I feel exactly the same in every way. I have come to the conclusion that I'm so much happier on my own. When I'm with people I get overwhelmed and want to be on my own. People/friends have been a big disappointment.

I need to be liked
I have ridiculously high standards for myself
I'm vain
I have only just stopped people from walking all over me