Uncomfortable realisations about myself

[RedHeadDiana]

Do you ever have one of them moment's were you have bad realisations about your character. Ive realised. ...

I'm lazy
I'm intolerant
I'm selfish

I've found myself looking back at some of the things I've said and done over the years and being absolutely mortified at some of my behaviour.

I guess with age comes maturity

I’m very lazy.
I can be very manipulative of men, and when I was younger I thought of it as some kind of sport. I wilfully and deliberately (and secretly) used a lot of them for my own gain.
I’m intolerant of fussiness and timidity in others.

I'm lazy, I over eat (addressing this), I'm jealous, quite selfish and anti social. I'm a peach aren't I?

I am lazy and lack willpower too.
I am too laid back and optimistic about the future.

Reading this is an eye opener. If I'm being honest I am so many of the things mentioned.
I am lazy
I am judgemental
I lack willpower
I am moody
I am intolerant
I am fat
I am a hypocrite
OH god. I could go on and on.
This is literally my realisation moment

I can identify with loads of these things but I'm also regularly told that I'm too hard on myself so who knows

i use people for what i can get out of them sometimes

The older I get (at a super old 30 😂) the more I've accepted I'm a deeply flawed person but also too lazy to do much about it. I can fake it when I need to...
I'm:
Lazy
Fat
Lack willpower
Have no patience
Stubborn
Judgemental
Sweaty
Miserable and quick to anger
Pessimistic
Have a problem with authority

If I like a person I'm pretty cool, but won't put much effort into friendships

It is interesting thinking about this more deeply. I know I’m not wholly bad, but I have done a fair few bad things in my life.

For example, I could never ever in a billion years knowingly use or upset any of my friends or family. Never. The thought of cheating with a friend’s partner or something makes me feel physically sick - I just could not do it.

BUT, I have behaved very badly to lots of men over the years, and always secretly. My other life. I don’t know how much money I got off of wealthy older men in my 20s, but we must be talking in the low tens of thousands all together. I knew what my charms were and I used them ruthlessly and in a very targeted way. I very very rarely slept with any of these men, which was half the challenge - getting them to give me money without having to sleep with them. I didn’t care if I hurt them and when I’d had enough or I wasn’t getting what I was after I just ghosted them without a second thought.

This seems therapeutic.
I'm lazy.
I'm too quiet.
I never make an effort with people.
I don't play with my kids enough
I'm selfish.

I’m a terrible terrible listener, even if I have started the conversation. I honestly just zone out after a few words, and snap back into the room wondering if the conversation finished and I’ve just ignored the person.

Lazy, impatient, boring. Check check check

I have no get up and go
I have no close friendships
I trust no one
I get stressed too easily
I drink too much
I'm lazy
I have nothing really going for me

I can be selfish.
I am over opinionated.
I rarely trust people- been burnt too many times by so called friends.
I care too much about what other people think of me.
I always want more.
I lack patience but hide it well.
I can be controlling
I have a sharp tongue
I see a lot of people as being 'better' than me because of their looks, achievements, status, home. I am secretly in awe of a friend whose husband is an investment banker, she stays at home, dc go to private school, they live in a large detached house in an affluent area. I feel like shit when I go home to our two up to down house and sometimes grumble to dh.
I cut people off very easily without looking back once they hurt me.

Yes I am lazy and I also have no drive, I just want more from my life but I'm too lazy to do anything about it.

I'm also pretty selfish, I don't like doing favours for other people (all my dp does is favours for people and it really annoys me)

I have no interest in making new friends, can't be bothered making the effort with the few friends I do have never mind having more people to have to keep up contact with. I think I might end up quite a lonely old woman. I am actually a very nice person, and I am good at talking to new people, I just never extend it any further and if they do I eventually let it fizzle out.

Im quite a jealous person. When I meet people I know who live in lovely big houses with fancy cars, going fancy holidays abroad and I actually feel hatred towards them.

I have a very short temper. And a control freak and if things don't go the way I plan, I get pretty agitated.

im also a crap mum because im so lazy

I am headstrong
I am bighearted
I can be lazy
I have a blunt tongue
I hate people who can’t be straightforward
I am sick of being left to do everything, then being called a control freak!
I could care less what about say or think about me, where are they when you need them?
I am both scared and glad to be starting again!

That’s all for today!😜

I too am lazy and selfish, Ive always known Im prone to these flaws and have intermittently tried to mend my ways but I always seem to fall back into bad habits. Now it seems its probably not worth trying; after his death I found my husband thought I was those things too. I adored my husband and I would have described him as a kind and lovely man. He knew me better than anyone. If i had managed to make him dislike (hate?) me then I must be truly damned.

I don't make enough effort with people.
I am self-centred and vain even though I'm no oil painting.
I don't trust anyone, at all.
I have no willpower.
I am not creative.

That was depressing but glad to finally put it all down.

I don't work as hard as I could sometimes

I lack self discipline, know it, but haven't done anything about it (hello Guilt)

I am a hypocrite

I am currently in self sabotage mode , weight wise.

Allow to finish this beer while I complain (never out loud) about my gut.

When you know better , you do better, so they say, but if you don't do better, and you know you should, then guilt time!

Also, I can be hard on people around me
There is actually as song called " Hard On Things" , by Corin Raymond , great song,

"I’m hard on boots hard on gloves
I’m hard on all the ones I love
I’m hard on hearts I’m hard on flings
I’m hardest on the sweetest things
I’ve worn out two gold wedding rings
‘cause I’m hard on things "

There's more to it, but still, for those taking a hard look at themselves, it a great song

I'm impatient. Very, very impatient, it's my biggest failing, however....it does push me to get things done quicker and to get other people to do things quicker (if handled well)
It's not so great behind the wheel of the car.

But I'm working on it.

I'm lazy
I'm a 'that's good enough' person, don't take care, will cut corners if I think nobody will notice.
I have zero ambition (except in my second career, where I am so driven that I am jealous of others who are doing better than me, and the jealousy is horrible)
I am judgemental (but I do try to hide it, honestly)
I am non-confrontational to the point that I will walk away when I should fight my corner
I secretly want my own way, all the time, but am too lazy (see Point 1 above) to do anything about it.

Try saying ‘I can be ...’ instead of ‘I am...’
Only a very few people are fixed and unchanging. Human beings are amazing and hardly anyone’s perfect thank god.
(I can be pollyanna-ish )

I'm glad it's not just me and I'm impressed that some of you had your revelations at 20 or 30 - it wasn't until I was 40 that self-awareness dawned on me like the flash from a nuclear bomb!

I too am vain, lazy and selfish. I like nothing better than pleasing myself and raising my DC is sometimes almost unbearable, because I wish they'd leave me in peace and find something to do rather than n bothering me!

I'm not a people pleaser, I'm occasionally cringe-worthily tactless and have no problem saying 'no'. In fact, my default is 'no', but since having my revelation I really try to be nicer, kinder, less judgmental and to put myself out occasionally for others.

Thank you herocomplex I needed a bit of a kick up the arse having read this thread and feeling more and more negative about myself.
I can be really crap at coping with stress, I find multitasking difficult. However I can manage because I can engage a level of self absorption that is necessary to manage my life and work when I really need it.