Uncomfortable realisations about myself

[RedHeadDiana]

Do you ever have one of them moment's were you have bad realisations about your character. Ive realised. ...

I'm lazy
I'm intolerant
I'm selfish

Yeah. I am on a major journey of self discovery at the moment. I am autistic with a trauma history and actually have crushingly low self esteem, so if anyone asked I would say I literally have zero good qualities, as opposed to suddenly realising some bad things if that makes sense?

I’m now in therapy and journalling and really trying to find out what I REALLY think about myself and that’s involving a lot of hard truths but also feels positive because I’m figuring out what I’m able to work on and I think if I do I’ll feel better about myself overall.

@LivingInLaputa here's two good things I can immediately say about you. You are insightful. You have excellent SPAG. These two things lead me to assume that you are rather intelligent.

I've had these slowly over the last seven years or so, since my late twenties really.

I'm a pain in the arse to be in a relationship with. For an awful lot of reasons.

I've become very inflexible about some things.

I'm not a fluffy, cuddly person. I'm kind of prickly and blunt.

I lack attachment to people that I should be attached too. It was way too easy to end a 15 year relationship six years ago.

I will give a shit about the housework when hell freezes over.

I'm lazy
I cannot be arsed to talk to DH when he gets in after a day of work or looking after the kids. He's fairly low on my priority list
I am also impatient and snappy and irritable, worse so now with the heat and being 30weeks pregnant
My feet are more like trotters as can't be bothered to spend any time beautifying them.
Oh and I wee in the shower. I'm basically disgusting

People think Im angry and stressed when im generally not. Ive been judged by few interactions where i am being a drama llama. I am a drama llama.

What else: i busy round but acheive little. Thats a pretty big problem. It tires me out then i feel like ive done loads but maybe I haven't!

I’m very lazy and quite self absorbed.
I have very controlling tendencies which caused a lot of upset when my kids were teens and I have to really police myself now they are mostly adults,
I have a sharp tongue and a dark sense of humour and hurt people without thinking.
I’ve done some awful things actually.

Fortunately DH is totally good through and through and keeps me in check and provides top class parenting to make up for my shortfalls.

I cut people off very quickly once they hurt me

I'm guilty of this.

I'm also guilty of not taking any crap from people. Which of course leads to cutting people off once they've hurt me.

I simply refuse to be messed around these days. Life is too short, quite honestly.

I was so scared of failure that I became anxious and didn't even try. Now that I have ambition, drive and better mental health no one will employ me.

Blimey I could write a list!

I've done things when much younger that I'm so ashamed of that when I think about them I get very panicky.

I'm lazy

I'm overweight, but want an overnight miracle rather than do something

I'm stubborn beyond belief, and will actually cut my nose off to spite my face

I struggle to say sorry, even when I'm in the wrong.

I have no 'real' friends, so get very jealous of people with solid friendships and wish I had the same...I think I'm unlikable

I'm judge mental even though I try not to be

I'm unforgiving which causes me more upset that the person in question

I think I'm a nice person but maybe I'm a right cow 🤔

I’m too opinionated. That’s my opinion anyway.
Although, I’ve learned that someone taking offence is their problem not mine, as I’m kind and warm hearted. I guess I can be candid at times, but I will only say how I feel if it’s passionate or if I strongly disagree.

I can’t stand sheeple and so I think that’s why.

I'm lazy
I don't like being a mum
I'm way too concerned about what people think about me
I'm a stealth attention seeker (which will feed into the point above

I’ve realised recently I’m very much ADHD and have been all my life.

Not entirely sure it matters in my 40s but it’s a bit cringe looking back at my massive impulsivity and the attention span of a gnat on anything I’m not interested in. Probably been very difficult for people around me, especially at work, more than I realised

Having ADHD is not a negative thing. You can't help that. It's not your fault.

I work in an environment which I morally disapprove of, so I’m a hypocrite.
I am vain and deceitful at times.
However as I get older, I can accept my flaws as facets of a complex whole.

I don't like most of the realisations about myself.
Most of pp's lists apply to me!

I have ASD
I don't trust anyone because people are mean
I don't like to share chocolate and I will eat bits when nobody is looking
I'm too competitive

Lots of inventions are by 'lazy' people - they think 'this is too hard' and invent an easier way to achieve it.
Procrastination - Many things go away if you don't do them. Most things don't get any harder if you leave them a week - if you do them straight away - they need doing again in a week.
And the most judgemental people are those who accuse others of being judgemental because they have a different opinion.

I am lazy - or - differently motivated
I procrastinate - and - I'm still here, alive and employed
I am tolerant of everything but intolerance
I fight for humanity but have little time for (most) individuals

i say shut the fuck up in my head 200 times a day

I'm often lazy
I procrastinate beyond all comprehension
I'm needy
I'm judgemental
I think I'm a lot cleverer than I actually am
I don't often forgive, I never forget
I find a lot of people simply not worth bothering with
I need a certain level of control
I'm protective to the point of it being possessive
My temper is horrible and I have a cruel streak in me

I've got very little self confidence and talk myself out of doing things, wearing new clothes and sometimes going out in public for fear of what people think of me.

I’m selfish.
I’m calculating.

How are you calculating? You might just be sensible

Oh God, I needed to come back to this thread & confess a new one (or two)

I'm impatient and I'm an arse when I feel someone is impeding my oh so very important life.
And I only feel bad about such things when I get found out.
I'm not a nice person 😔 but I try to present myself as one.

I'm a martyr
I get very jealous
I'm bitter
I'm lazy...soooo lazy
Could do more with my baby
I'm unsociable
Untrusting
Never say sorry...even if I'm wrong
Stubborn beyond belief
Hate authority, which makes me insubordinate
Hate when I don't get my own way

I’m lazy, money-motivated, socially awkward, boring and usually feel like I am “going through the motions” with other people rather than generally interested in them.