How do I tell my boyfriend I've got piles?

[ILikePaperHats]

Yes, I have anus horribilus. Painful and sticking out a mile. Not pregnant, I just get them occasionally. Trying to treat with suppositories and cream but they're not going away in a hurry.
The thing is my boyfriend is coming round today and he's already told me he's horny. We haven't seen each other for a week as we've both been busy with work etc. He texted me last Eve to say he loves me and really misses me and can't wait to see me today. We had fantastic sex last time we saw each other. He's already talking about how he wants to lick my pussy I don't want him anywhere down there! Why can't I tell him, I've been seeing him for 4 years now and it's a committed, monogamous relationship, I'm worried cos he's got a very sarcastic sense of humour and I think he'd take the piss. Help, what do I say?

Omg I feel your pain, only I have piles AND thrush in the same area! Its horrendous! How long do piles take to go?

And I say just tell him, when he makes sarcastic remarks do not answer, he'll soon get bored

I can understand being slightly embarrassed but why the hell would you be ashamed of having piles? You know they’re not an STD right??

The creams really do not work and I think make it worse. Definitely ice. I find that a drinking session or excessive porridge or a large flapjack sets them off .

It's not a shameful thing OP.
There should be zero issue in telling your BF this.

@gingersausage Of course I know they're not an STD! Have you had piles yourself? They are very embarrassing, not the sort of thing you want to broadcast! (Except on Mumsnet! 😂)

@Thewheelsarefallingoff
Yes it was a heavy drinking session on Thurs night that brought them on. Boozy mums night out 😕

Not embarrassing at all! Some people just get them. After 4 years definitely just be honest, you'll need to fess up at some point if you continue to have flare ups!
I'm sure there's something you can do for him without you needing to be undressed ...

Go yo the doctor. They can prescribe an amazing cream that contains a local anaesthetic numbs them and arrange for them to be removed

@IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod
/arrange for them to be removed/?
God no! Just no! 😱

OK. If you are that fond of them just go for the numbing cream

I dont understand why they'll stop you having sex? Anal, yes have worked that out. But anything else? If they are dangling that low then you really need medical advice quick!!!!

Hahahaha! Is this even an issue?! I have a pile! The GP won’t operate it’s massive nothing works! I still have sex all the time whenever DP gives it out 😂 though some positions are embarrassing. I’ve told him I have an issue with my bum. He’s an intelligent man, he will work it out.

I had a massive flare up recently (also a boozy night out!!!) And I no choice but to tell my very new boyfriend, as we are long distance and we're meeting up for a weekend away. I was mortified!!! But he was fine about it, phew . I found ice really helped, and Epsom salt baths, and I tried all the creams and one suited me better than others so maybe try a few?

Get them removed ? If you've had them for a long time and they are a nuisance to you, have the surgery.

So you obviously don't want piles but balk at the idea of getting them removed, which is it? If they're that problematic see your gp and get them treated.

She's only had them two days, I don't think she needs to be looking at surgical removal

Maybe tell him you're on your period but it depends if he doesn't mind sleeping together while you're on it.

Am mystified at some of these responses. Don't lie and say it's your period or thrush, just tell him. Before you do, imagine what you would say if he told you he had piles. I bet you'd say 'ooo you poor thing, that must be painful'. And that is exactly what will happen when you tell him.

Well, I've been with my bf three months and we were about to go on holiday when I got a flare up of my piles.
So, I just told him.

Sadly, I got my period too. And my pre period migraine!

None of these things have stopped us having sex. We don't do anal anyway, but I just told him to keep away from my bum. I had to pop to Boots at the airport to buy creams and suppositories as I'd not packed them. I put them on the counter in the bathroom, just so he wouldn't forget about them!

Go to the doctor and start the process of getting them removed if they are massive. Seriously - it's gone on too long.

Your GP sees bums all day long, mine told me half he does all day is piles. The improvement in your quality of life will be enormous.

I had to go to see my GP and show him mine after convincing myself I had cancer and I know my GP socially. I nearly died of embarrasment but it was fine, took about 1 second and we can still look each other in the eye.

Tell him you're on your period

OP 6 month into a new relationship I got a massive abscess on my arse which once finally burst needed dressing everyday. Guess which lucky bugger got the job

Since then I've miscarried and give birth so he has seen every bodily function going. Still married me eventually so he can't have been to traumatised.

Just tell him what it is.

I was reluctant to tell DP (3.5 years into relationship) and he was so understanding, he went out and got everything I needed (chosen by the lady at the Tesco Pharmacy because he didn't have a clue) and even got me ice packs to sit on (life saver). This is a guy who will lose his mind if I fart! Tell your fella, he might surprise you.

Is rimming usually on the cards, or anal? If not I'd carry on as normal I'm
Sure he wouldn't even notice!