Controversial topic(smoking and pregnancy)

[FTM05xx]

I know as I'm writing this post that people on here are going to be VERY bothered by this topic.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️

So I'm 33w pregnant and yes I still smoke, but before you all jump on the bandwagon that I don't care about my child... let me explain myself.

Before I got pregnant, I had severe mental health, I was told for years that I couldn't have children, I was in a abusive relationship, I was on countless tablets for depression and anxiety, drinking to the extreme and even went down the suicidal route...

How I managed to meet the guy I am with now I'll never know, he literally pulled me from darkness into the light, after being with him for only a mere 6 months I fell pregnant, first of all I was in denial but as soon as I went and had it confirmed in the doctors I STOPPED everything, all my tablets (which can be so dangerous for my health) but the tablets I were on are known to cause fetal death and I WAS NOT risking that, I also stopped drinking( I don't even think of alchol now as it makes me feel sick) I suffered from serve panic attacks and sweats from coming off my tablets, I suffered hallucinations, I suffered badly... but what got me through it was the little baby growing in my belly.

I went to the doctors, I spoke to my midwives and I told them everything, I also told them I was still smoking and it was the Only thing I couldn't stop altogether, I used to smoke around 25/30 a day... now I'll smoke 5-10 and on a bad day possibly 15, I had the smoking women come to my home everyweek for the first 2 months, we tried everything possible.. but everytime I would stop smoking even for a day, I would suffer severe panic attacks, be so emotional I couldn't speak, the amount I cried to my partner and my doctors, midwives, consultants about me being the worst person ever and not loving my baby because that's what I'd been told from people who knew I smoke (I DO NOT SMOKE IN PUBLIC BTW) my midwife actually set up a meeting with myself, my partner and mother and told me how well I was doing, she told me how proud I should be of myself, she also told me the risks of smoking and even now I have cut down to maybe 5 a day and sometimes I might use a e-cig and only have one cigarette, I still feel guilty but I know that my baby would suffer more if my health went bad... I just want people to be more aware of why some people do things.. I personally would NEVER be able to drink alchol or take drugs(cocaine, Heroine) and think it's disgusting... but what are people's stories? Am I really a bad person for what I'm doing? My baby is growing perfect, she's weighing in at 4pound already and her heartbeat is sooo strong.

I am not trying to say smoking is ok through pregnancy but if anyone else is going through or has been through what I have... know I am proud of you. I know how hard all of this has been and yes I smoke but I know that I am better person now than before my little girl, I will stop one day. I will become a healthier person for my child, but right now I need to stay strong for my miracle baby.

I think you're brave to post this because MN is very anti smoking! I had my DC nearly 30 years ago and I was a smoker, smoked through both pregnancies (as did many others back then). In those days the advice from doctors was that if giving up would cause major stress, than that would be worse for the baby than smoking. They won't say it now but it sounds like this is the case for you. Just to reassure you, both my DC were fine, no health issues and now fully grown healthy adults (both non smokers by the way!).

You do what you need to do. Coming off all the medication must have been so hard. I'm on anti-depressants and I know how shit I feel if I just forget one dose! None of us ever know what someone else is going through. It's easy for people to judge but they can't know what they would do in the same circumstances.

I knew this could cause some controversial messages, but you are the only one who's commented so far.

I am not proud that I smoke, I have the worst guilt ever but I'm also super proud of myself for what I've been through and overcome.. and I know my daughter will be okay and that I will be the best mother I possibly can to her.

My mother and grandparents all smokes through their pregnancies and all the children were healthy,but I know that's not the case for everyone and these days they know the risks... but there are so many things we do not know about pregnancies, women have been giving birth for millions of years and back a hundred and more years ago they would give birth in terrible conditions... I'm very torn with some of the health and safety things with pregnancies.

Coming off my tablets was te most horrific thing id ever been through,but I knew I had too and I can hoensrly say I would never take them again, because I've managed to do this just out of love.

Thank you for being so kind.💖💖

No sorry I personally think it's selfish. If you only smoke in the comfort of your own home, then you obviously have willpower so you could stop. Back in the day, people did do it because we didn't know the risks but now we do. I agree it isn't as bad as heroin obviously but it's still poison.

I smoke but stopped when I found out I was pregnant and kept off them till 4 months after he was born not long after I was later diagnosed with PND & anxiety and my therapist told me to fight my battles one at a time and my mental health is the priority, not smoking.
I can't really compare to your situation as I wasn't on medication till after I'd given birth but even now I only smoke in my garden away from DS as I don't want him near me.
I hope you can cut down on them as the less you smoke the better it will be for you and the baby

I think you're being very unfair to be asking people not to judge you for smoking during pregnancy as they don't know what you've been through but then saying you think it's disgusting for people to drink/take drugs. Someone else may have been in your shoes and managed to give up smoking but not the odd drink and you're disgusted by that but not what you're doing? I think doing any of those things is extremely selfish as you just don't know what the outcome could be

I think some of us are better incubators than others. I was certainly not perfect in pregnancy - my curse wasn't smoking though.

I hope you and your baby get through pregnancy and childbirth safe and well, I'm sure you will.

Your midwife sounds great.

We sometimes need to remember there's no such thing as a perfect parent/pregnant woman before we judge other parents/pregnant women.

Not my vice personally but that's not to say I didn't do that weren't recommended when I was pregnant.

Live and let live and all that.

15 cigarettes a day though is a lot. You say it’s better for you baby but, brutally, your baby’s health isn’t affected by your mental health. It is very very definitely affected by 15 cigarettes a day. It’s one cigarette every 90 mins for 24 hours. That’s serious chain smoking, working on the fact that you’re asleep for some of it.

Tbh smoking is more damaging to your baby when it's still in the womb than poor mental health unless you are physically harming yourself. It's that old line of 'oh the doctor said it would be more damaging to stop because of the stress.' Bullshit. Smoking is horrendously bad for a developing baby.

But it's like everything in life. You decide what risks you're comfortable taking and where your limits are. You actually might be better off doing cocaine than smoking, by the way, to your point about people doing drugs being disgusting. Some studies have suggested its less harmful to the baby than nicotine.

I think you're post is just full of excuses to be honest.

Stopping your pills because they can cause fetal death and you "WOULD NOT" risk that. Well, you know, you're still damaging your unborn baby.

You seem to big up yourself for the things you have stopped doing, whilst simultaneously indulging your vice of smoking and criticising those who drink / do drugs. You can't have it both ways.

You know it's wrong, and that's why you've posted and are looking for people to validate your decision and tell you it's ok.

Saying you don't smoke in public....well, so what? That implies you're smoking in your home and I'm guessing you are oblivious to how it must smell.

A friend of mine gave me a pack of nappies once. She lived with her father who was a smoker. I had the nappies for about 6 months before they were the right size for DD. I opened the plastic packaging and was just about knocked out by the stench from them. They went straight in the bin.

If that's what it does to tightly packed nappies wrapped in sealed plastic and having been out of the smokey environment for 6 months, what's it doing to your / your babies bodies?

It's your body and your baby and ultimately you're going to do what you're going to do. It's nobody else's decision or responsibility and even if you get 1000s of replies here saying "it's totally fine, carry on", ultimately you're the person who should love and protect your baby more than anyone else in the world. And that's not a great start is it?

please listen to me , I've been where you are and please dont let these judgy women make you feel worse than you already do x I used to set myself a list every morning of things to do before I had my first smoke , like load dishwasher , fold the washing ect , gradually delaying that first cigarette , then after that one set yourself some more goals that you have to do before you allow yourself to have another cigarette x I found I reduced the amount I smoked massively and my house was immaculate lol xx it may work for you it may not but worth a try x but whatever you do , DO NOT allow others to make you feel bad ! good luck lovely and get plenty of rest before baby comes xx

With the vaping, I managed to quit a 30 a day habit. I did it by using a high nicotine liquid, mouth to lung and vaping 24/7! Might be worth a go

brutally, your baby’s health isn’t affected by your mental health

Totally untrue! Here's just one article, there are plenty more.

www.theguardian.com/science/2007/may/31/childrensservices.medicineandhealth

I'm not saying smoking in pregnancy is positive or to be encouraged, but equally it's rubbish to say that baby isn't affected by mums mental health.

I think it's human nature to seek to excuse and minimise our perceived shortcomings, while being somewhat more rigidly judgmental about others!

I really don't think that angsting about what you're doing, which is your best, is at all good for you or the babe. Just hang in there. Keep doing your best. I'm sure your best will be good enough.

I wish online discussions were more supportive than judgemental.
And not just b/c someone like OP has a whole backstory.
Just that smoking is addictive and it's normal for humans to find addictive things to quit.
So every pregnant smoker deserves support rather than condemnation, not just those with back stories.

When the baby comes out are you going to hold a lit cigarette to its mouth? Because you may as well.

If you're going to 'stop one day' then why can't that one day be today?

I stopped smoking by never buying them again. It is that simple I don't care what excuses people have. It isn't easy no, but if you want it enough that it's totally possible. Just stop buying them. If you feel like shit remind yourself you'll feel worse when your child develops health problems later in life because you smoked whilst pregnant.

Babies are born with health problems all the time and their mothers would've done anything to prevent it. You're needlessly risking your baby's health for no reason.

Yes I am judging you. Yes I do think you're irresponsible and being selfish.

I think you're minimising the risks to ameliorate your guilt and justify your addiction.

When you've seen a baby delivered by c-section from a mum who was late to her own operation because she went for a fag, a baby who came out silent, skinny and grey but somehow alive, you might decide that using cigarettes for stress management is actually quite selfish.

When the baby comes, please please do not smoke around them or bed share. This is a massive risk of SIDs (cot death).

It you smoke when baby comes, don't handle the baby for 45 mins after a cigarette as the chemicals in your breath is also a big risk factor for SIDs, it needs to be out of your system. Mouth wash or chewing gum doesn't make the chemicals go away.

If you start back on your meds when they're here, please seriously consider quitting smoking.

I'm not judging - you've done very well

MN is baffling sometimes. Someone will post about a plant or something utterly innocuous and they can be pounced on and ripped to bits by the end of the thread. Someone posts about doing something that's obviously harmful and stupid and they get pats on the arms.

I honestly think it's disgusting and selfish, but I think smoking in general is disgusting.
If you managed to stop everything else why not use that same willpower to stop smoking, as pp said even vaping would be better than smoking and I still think that's bad enough. Poor baby.

I wouldn't have posted this here. Life is about balance, the balance of risk and stress and everything. If smoking is preventing you from extreme mental health issues and/or drugs or alcohol etc then it sounds like it's a good idea for you to continue.

One of the worst things about mental health and anxiety etc is having low self esteem. This makes you unsure of your own decisions and vulnerable. Please don't allow yourself to be bullied online by trying to get support for something most people won't understand or agree with.

Have a look at vaping too. There's some really good vapes out there that can really help with quitting (I've vaped now for 6 years, used to smoke 20-30 a day for 20 years). Even if it helps you cut down on the cigs it will be a benefit but please don't stress.

Take care of yourself

Although you have done very well to come this far. I get that and well done. I just think you could go that tiny bit further.

I know it's potentially very harmful. Definitely not ideal. I also don't think wading in on a pregnant woman with mental health issues, off her meds, and obviously feeling very guilty and defensive (not to mention worried) is sensible.

Of course, I don't think starting this thread was the wisest thing to do either.

Sorry I do judge you. I accept what you say you've been through but I can't understand how you can still smoke. You say you don't smoke in public so if you were out for a whole day you wouldn't smoke and you'd be ok? No panic attacks? If so, I don't understand why you need to smoke at home. I hope you at least smoke outside. It's a disgusting habit. Do you want your baby's things to all smell of smoke?