Controversial topic(smoking and pregnancy)

[FTM05xx]

I know as I'm writing this post that people on here are going to be VERY bothered by this topic.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️

So I'm 33w pregnant and yes I still smoke, but before you all jump on the bandwagon that I don't care about my child... let me explain myself.

Before I got pregnant, I had severe mental health, I was told for years that I couldn't have children, I was in a abusive relationship, I was on countless tablets for depression and anxiety, drinking to the extreme and even went down the suicidal route...

How I managed to meet the guy I am with now I'll never know, he literally pulled me from darkness into the light, after being with him for only a mere 6 months I fell pregnant, first of all I was in denial but as soon as I went and had it confirmed in the doctors I STOPPED everything, all my tablets (which can be so dangerous for my health) but the tablets I were on are known to cause fetal death and I WAS NOT risking that, I also stopped drinking( I don't even think of alchol now as it makes me feel sick) I suffered from serve panic attacks and sweats from coming off my tablets, I suffered hallucinations, I suffered badly... but what got me through it was the little baby growing in my belly.

I went to the doctors, I spoke to my midwives and I told them everything, I also told them I was still smoking and it was the Only thing I couldn't stop altogether, I used to smoke around 25/30 a day... now I'll smoke 5-10 and on a bad day possibly 15, I had the smoking women come to my home everyweek for the first 2 months, we tried everything possible.. but everytime I would stop smoking even for a day, I would suffer severe panic attacks, be so emotional I couldn't speak, the amount I cried to my partner and my doctors, midwives, consultants about me being the worst person ever and not loving my baby because that's what I'd been told from people who knew I smoke (I DO NOT SMOKE IN PUBLIC BTW) my midwife actually set up a meeting with myself, my partner and mother and told me how well I was doing, she told me how proud I should be of myself, she also told me the risks of smoking and even now I have cut down to maybe 5 a day and sometimes I might use a e-cig and only have one cigarette, I still feel guilty but I know that my baby would suffer more if my health went bad... I just want people to be more aware of why some people do things.. I personally would NEVER be able to drink alchol or take drugs(cocaine, Heroine) and think it's disgusting... but what are people's stories? Am I really a bad person for what I'm doing? My baby is growing perfect, she's weighing in at 4pound already and her heartbeat is sooo strong.

I am not trying to say smoking is ok through pregnancy but if anyone else is going through or has been through what I have... know I am proud of you. I know how hard all of this has been and yes I smoke but I know that I am better person now than before my little girl, I will stop one day. I will become a healthier person for my child, but right now I need to stay strong for my miracle baby.

I don't think your going to get the support you want OP.

Smoking in pregnancy is selfish. It's not about you anymore. I would go back and ask for some medication that may help.

This makes me so angry.

I've lost three babies in the past three years. I have zero fun anymore as all I wish for is my living baby in my arms.
I don't smoke
I don't drink
I don't have caffeine
I don't have gluten
I don't have dairy
I don't have sugar

During pregnancy I barely move as I'm terrified that any activity will cause a miscarriage after I exercised as normal with my first loss.

I have slowly given up everything over the past 3.5 years to have a baby and mine still die.

Smoking in pregnancy is pure selfishness. I hope your baby survives pregnancy unscathed, because I know for a fact I couldn't live with myself if my baby died or had breathing problems because of my own selfishness.

You are without doubt harming your unborn child. You can be proud of yourself all you want but that's the reality. I'm sorry but I do judge you. 15 or even 5 cigarettes a day is a lot. You should try and quit. The risks are still there once the baby is born and having to breathe in your second hand smoke all day.

You’ve been through a lot and I haven’t walked in your shoes but I do believe that every endeavour to protect your unborn child should be made to give up smoking.

Sorry if this had been discussed already but have you considered hypnotherapy?

I would do everything I could to not smoke if I was you.

Very sorry for your losses @Frazzlerock

www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/tobacco-drug-use-pregnancy-can-double-risk-stillbirth

Actually, smoking doubles the risk of stillbirth.

@PurpleDaisies

Yes, but the risk is very low to start with always. It’s certainly not “just about be able to hold your child” worthy.

I absolutely judge you op. It's disgusting. I used to smoke. I gave up 11 years ago. It's hard but if pregnancy doesn't motivate you then nothing will.

I've been TTC for 3 years with no success. I've just had my second cycle of IVF fail. Fuck off with your "miracle baby" bollocks. If this was truly a miracle then you would do anything to ensure your baby's safety and health. You're selfish. Your needs clearly come before your baby's.

If you've posted because you feel guilty. Good. You should feel guilty and you get no understanding or sympathy from me.

@Frazzlerock

BTW OP I've reported your post, I don't think AIBU is the right place for you right now

You sound like your so strong. I agree fight your battles, youve over come so much, choose your battles. My mam smoked like a trooper with me and my brother

Oh well then that's ok

The reason my eyesight is so bad is because my mother smoked all through pregnancy, I have family members with babies born at full term with low birth weights and I’ll bet my bottom it’s cause of smoking

It's not stopping smoking for a day that's causing the onset of your mental health problems. It's the cigarettes themselves.

Think about it - it's not the absence of tobacco that causes nicotine cravings. There are not millions of non-smokers walking around every day suffering from desperate cravings to have a cigarette. It's the smoking that causes it.

Try Allen Carr's method.

All this stuff about it being better to carry on smoking a small amount for mental health purposes is complete bollocks a fallacy.

What do you want people to say? It sounds like you have justified it to yourself. It’s pretty obvious it’s a terrible thing to do to your unborn child.

Sorry but how is smoking morally better than drinking or drugs? It’s the same underlying thing, addiction, just to a different substance. I’m not judging, addiction is really hard to overcome but one type doesn’t make you superior.

Have to agree with a lot of others that I'm disgusted at the selfishness of smoking during pregnancy or even smoking near a baby. If you don't smoke in public then why do it at home where your baby will live and sleep, even if you do it outside the smell and chemicals are still on/in you. I know smoking is an addiction and I myself have had severe mental health issues in the past but there is nothing I wouldn't give up if it meant the health of my children. If your smoking in pregnancy then no doubt you'll smoke around the baby when it's born as that will be even more stressful

Did you not think about using contraception given all your problems?

@PeaceandTranquility 🙌🏻 This!!!

Should have sorted your mental health issues out before deciding to bring a baby in to the world. A baby isn't a life size bandaid to patch up your problems & make you feel better.

Smoking is a vile habit anyway but whilst pregnant regardless of the circumstances is absolutely disgusting & shameful. Which of course you know already because you 'only do it' when holed up in your home. The place must bloody stink !! Dread to think of the smell in your baby's nursery 🤢

I've managed to go from 10 a day to none in 2 months. As soon as I started using a JUUL , I didn't need cigarettes anymore. We don't know the full risks but I assume would be safer than fags?

I think anything that isn’t smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day is a better option when you’re growing a baby.

I'm not sure why you've posted here op - particularly given your significant mental health problems. It's not going to help you.

I understand why you smoke and why it may feel like the crutch you just can't give up. It's not clear if you've tried vaping which I imagine should help.

You ARE significantly putting your baby at risk by continuing to smoke. It's not like occasionally eating pate. Smoking is as dangerous as a number of the things you said you'd never do.

You sound like you've had a hard time. But things look brighter for your future. Please stop worrying what others think etc and just do your best, you can't do any more. Good luck xx none of us is perfect