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Original poster

Would you be angry at this?! Or am I overreacting

104 replies

MammaTo1LittleBear · 12/07/2019 10:41

So little one is now 8 months and he's going through the sleep regression I think

Last night he refused to drink his bedtime bottle, was up at 11 for his bedtime bottle, then woke at 1 for his usual 1 am bottle, woke at 2, woke at 4 (which he normally does but he usually comes in with us) and wanted to get up. Partner said "well I'm not getting up with him" even though he didn't have to do any work from home. Luckily I'm off work today.

Partner has not long got up he made him some toast and didn't ask if I wanted any and he took baby for about 5 minutes and then he's just gone out without offering to take baby so I could sleep

Would you be angry at this and what would you have done?

OP posts:
Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 13/07/2019 16:50

My mum never really liked him so I haven't told her about him not helping. I am thinking about leaving him. But I know he will probably say he didn't do anything.

Hopefully he listens to his dad as when I spoke to him he said he does help and then he started ignoring me.

OP posts:
Yellowweatherwarning · 13/07/2019 17:20

You do need to change your wording though. Don't ask him to look after him. Sounds like you are requesting a favour - you most certainly aren't.
It's raising his ds not childcare!
Make bath time his time with ds.... Maybe he will need some guidance at first. Is he confident to do baby care? My dh had never held a baby til we had ds. Your dp may be behind with such stuff if ds is not newborn but no reason not to encourage him to step up now! A lot of men don't have the confidence to manage a baby, we have no choice - they shouldn't have either.

HollowTalk · 13/07/2019 17:26

He is incredibly young and immature, too. Would you be happier if you moved back to your mum's?

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MoltonSilver · 13/07/2019 17:34

Suggest swapping roles for a day. He'll know what he did wrong after a day in your shoes.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 13/07/2019 17:53

I'll tell him to help me put son to bed later. He did used to help when son was a newborn. And he used to get up and change son in the night if he needed it or give baby his bottle

I would move back with my mum but she lives quite far away so son wouldn't see his dad or grandad.

OP posts:
HolyFuckballsBatman · 13/07/2019 18:11

You're both so young.
It's a lot to take on for anyone, but for a 17 and 18 year old it's going to be ridiculously tough.
He's not even legally an adult yet!

Your partner does need to get a grip though. He gave up his free time and being 'busy' with phones and games when you got pregnant. That doesn't change now and won't for a long while.

You need to tell him. 'Get up with baby' 'Take baby, I'm going out' 'Get off your phone'
Don't ask him.
He seems to think parenting is optional - it's not. So don't ask him and play into his mindset.

I don't know if getting his dad involved is the best thing to do but I suppose anything is worth a try.

I really do think you should admit defeat, take baby and go back to your mums. I know it's tough - especially because she doesn't like him - but it'll probably be the best thing for you both.
Let him grow up in his own time, but don't let him drag you down too.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 13/07/2019 20:15

I managed to get him to help me put son to bed. At first he wouldn't get off his phone but I took his phone off him and said it wouldn't take long. He helped by getting son undressed and distracted son while I washed him.

OP posts:
Sweetpearose · 13/07/2019 20:30

Parenting is fucking hard, especially on limited sleep! Regardless of your boyfriends age he needs to grow a pair and grow up. He has a responsibility to your son - Yes the one he helped make also!

Sadly he sounds like an immature prick - hopefully his dad will give him a talking to! If not, get rid...it's not like he's much help anyway!

Yellowweatherwarning · 13/07/2019 20:44

Remind him you are a team now. I had dd at 17, he was 21. Drinking was his forte until I made him realise he was a df now not a teenager....
He needs to see he has other responsibilities now, not just to up the profits of his phone provider..
Ask him how he would feel of others letting his ds down. Well he can't either.

IamtheOA · 13/07/2019 22:18

OP
I've been thinking about you all day.
The absolute best thing you can do for your little guy is to look after his mum.
You HAVE to look after yourself, and do what is best for you. Otherwise how on earth can you look after him?
If that means moving to your mum's ( and I assume other family) then so be it.

Why did your mum not like your bf? Did he treat you right?

Please don't let your pride push you away from getting help. Read some of the threads on here. So many have stayed for years and years when they should have left. Don't be one of them.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have a conversation with him, I'm just saying that you should listen to his actions.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 13/07/2019 22:37

My mum didn't like him because she thought he was a bad influence he did treat me right though. When she visits now she still doesn't really like him.

He did help at bathtime by undressing son and distracting him

OP posts:
IamtheOA · 14/07/2019 07:42

Parenting is a steep learning curve.
Maybe start leaving your little guy with your bf a bit more?
Perhaps start by leaving to go to the shop when your son is there with his dad and grandad?

There are programmes out there for teenage parents- have you tapped in to any of them?
Perhaps they could support your bf a bit, so that you don't have the added pressure?

babasaclover · 14/07/2019 08:16

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I know many who have the same. It might be worth explaining to him that if he does something. For the baby he is not 'helping' you by doing it, it's his child too. He is just parenting. Same as some dads who agree to 'babysit' so you can go out. It's their child so not babysitting, just having their own child

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 14/07/2019 08:27

Last night he said he would get up with baby early if I did his feed. And he told me to get up with him.

Hoping his dad speaks to him today and he listens

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 14/07/2019 09:13

Is there a reason you seem to keep “doing as you’re told”? Is he in charge of you?

Stop being a skivvy, if you refuse to leave him then at least grow a backbone and stop being such a pushover.

You are parents now, you don’t go running to his dad to fix your problems. And he isn’t going to listen; he doesn’t give a fuck.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 14/07/2019 09:17

I only listened to him because baby wanted to get up and he was crying.

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 14/07/2019 09:31

Go and put the baby in his arms, then walk out the house. Stay out until dinner time.

madroid · 14/07/2019 09:41

You need to tag team. Not help each other but take it in turns so you both get some sleep.

Stop taking responsibility. Say baby's awake, your turn. Don't get up. Your DH needs to know you won't step in. That if he doesn't get up baby will keep crying.

And replace night bottles with water. Will take 3 nights at most before baby will stop waking at night and feed loads in day.

You are young but you can both be good parents if you want to be.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 14/07/2019 13:02

I gave him baby and he had him for about an hour.

OP posts:
Sweetpearose · 14/07/2019 14:40

Oh well done, does he want a medal?!

SavingSpaces2019 · 14/07/2019 15:13

I'll talk to his dad and get him to speak to him
Really? YOU chose to have a baby with this dipshit!
Don't drag his dad into your relationship problems - especially when he can see the problem but hasn't bothered to approach his son himself.

You're supposed to an adult so if you can't get your partner to respect you then leave.

But I know he will probably say he didn't do anything
That would be correct - tell him very loud and clear that you're leaving him because he doesn't do any parenting.

Go back to your mums - if the dipshit dad wants to see his kid he can make the effort.

Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 14/07/2019 15:57

So I asked him why he said he would get up with son early if I gave him his bottle at 1. And he said he didn't want to get up.

His dad has spoken to him. But partner is still on his phone although he did say he will get up with him tomorrow but I don't believe that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MammaTo1LittleBear · 14/07/2019 16:01

His dad didn't see the problem as we go to his once a week and then my partner holds son most of the time whilst we are there and feeds him.

OP posts:
BlueJag · 14/07/2019 16:10

Oh dear you have 2 babies not one. I'm afraid you have an uphill battle. Men mature very slowly and being a teen parent is so hard.
I don't have suggestions he is just too young to be a parent. Babies raising babies.
You sound like you are taking motherhood seriously.

TheInvestigator · 14/07/2019 16:33

Don't give him the option. Put the baby in his arms on his side of the bed and go back to sleep. Completely ignore him. Baby will cry but you need to completely ignore him and leave him to deal with it.

And start planning to leave. Get out as soon as you can. Contact can be arranged after; he can have baby EOW and he will need to parent.

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