Would you be angry at this?! Or am I overreacting

[MammaTo1LittleBear]

So little one is now 8 months and he's going through the sleep regression I think

Last night he refused to drink his bedtime bottle, was up at 11 for his bedtime bottle, then woke at 1 for his usual 1 am bottle, woke at 2, woke at 4 (which he normally does but he usually comes in with us) and wanted to get up. Partner said "well I'm not getting up with him" even though he didn't have to do any work from home. Luckily I'm off work today.

Partner has not long got up he made him some toast and didn't ask if I wanted any and he took baby for about 5 minutes and then he's just gone out without offering to take baby so I could sleep

Would you be angry at this and what would you have done?

I missed that post about the xbox etc. He is behaving selfishly. Needs called out on it. Will he respond to a genuine conversation though?

We've got partners dad who looks after son while I'm at work and my mum and dad visit about once a month (they live quite far).

Having a conversation with him problem wouldn't help as he believes he's done nothing wrong.

Baby sleeps ok in the day but occasionally refuses his nap like today

Was going to say he's acting like a child but he IS a child. It would be nice if he'd step up but realistically it probably won't happen. 17 is not the age to take on such a responsibility even if he showed willing at some point. He's just too immature to accept the responsibility.

It shouldn't be the way, but sounds like this baby is going to be your responsibility.

If it's any consolation I'm 39 and have done every single night feed with my six month old. Partner is fairly willing but baby is breastfeeding and won't bloody go to him without screaming which makes things difficult. I'm shattered, haven't had more than two hours straight sleep since January. So i know how you feel.

They can need night feeds up to a year. 8 months is still young

I don't know your circumstances, but if i were you then I would move back home. Transfer jobs or look for a new one, make s plan and work for it but I would get away from him and plan my life as the main carer.

So baby woke at about 5. Partner didn't help again he just picked baby up and gave him to me.

I asked him if he would get up with baby and he said no because it's to early!

What you have here is a total mismatch of what you both expect to be doing with the baby.

You both work, so why is he expecting you to do all the work with the baby? I would ask him- why do you think I should do all the baby care?

Is it because he doesn’t agree with the routine you have with the baby waking early? If so he needs to come up with a plan to help the baby sleep for longer- and act on it! Not just expect you to do it all.

I’m afraid sharing your life with this man is just going to make you feel more resentment, and it will get worse not better.

I think he doesn't like son getting up early as today he said it's to early.

Yes, but babies just do that. I'd be furious but I think I'd try to have a calm conversation about it. If he's not pulling his weight, something needs to change.

Does he have a close relationship with his mum or dad?
I'm wondering if one of them could have a word. He's not listening to you. It really important that he grows up, stops being selfish, and does it quickly!

Just went in to get baby some clothes and partner asked for a drink i told him no and he can get it himself. Now he's still in bed and in strop.

I'll try to talk to his dad later

He's 17 - still a baby himself. Offer him a bottle next time you feed the baby?

Do you honestly see it getting any better?

Would moving home be an option?

I did everything myself when dc1 was a baby. Was single though so no resentment to add to the responsibility. In fact, one of the best years of my life.

Something that worked with my DH was the conversation ‘do you think looking after the baby is easy?’
The answer is either ‘yes’ and you respond ‘well you won’t mind doing half of it in your non working time then’
Or ‘no’ in which case your response is ‘and this is why we need to share it’

I also spent a whole weekend day once timing how long we each had the baby. I wrote it on our fridge although he didn’t notice. I asked how he felt the day had been split. He said ‘evenly’ and I told him it was 3 hrs to him, 12 to me. That kind of helped it sink it.

Maybe you should both take a parenting course. Our NHS runs them for free. You're both very young and he just doesn't understand that he isn't a care free 17 year old now. He is a parent. Go on a parenting class together.

If he won't go, and if he won't start parenting them you need to make a plan. You cannot spend your life with a useless boy.

I told him baby wants him and he said that baby doesn't.

He's held baby for about 5 minutes again before saying baby wanted me!

I don't think he would do the parenting course. I will ask him if he thinks parenting is easy

Get out OP. Just sort your life out without him in it.

I'm thinking about breaking up with him.

But first I'll try and talk to him and his dad talk to him

My son was 17 when he met a girl (16) with a year old baby. He stepped up and took on the child, he looked after him, fed him, played with him and now 3 years down the line they are getting married.

He isn't too young, he is just getting away without parenting, he wanted sex and he had a baby, now make him step up.

If he like staying up late, go to bed early and get him to do the late feeds and you do the morning ones.

Go out (Find somewhere to sleep) and let him parent if he thinks its so easy

Ask him how he sees his relationship being when ds is older. Explain if he doesn't put the 'groundwork in now his baby won't know him!! My exh did naff all. He did talk about taking ds for his first pint though! When we split ds didn't see him. Hasn't seen him for over 20 years now...
Stop asking him to have ds. Drop him in his lap with bottle and go off and have a bath, pop to the shops. Maybe the games console needs to go.....

He does know that it is his baby too and not just yours. Ask him why he feels like it is all your responsibility to look after a baby that is partly his and partly yours. You didn't make the baby yourself.

I gave partner baby and told him to look after him. He did for about 10minutes while I went round the local shop.

I spoke to him about looking after son and he said he does. So I asked if he would take son to the park and h said no because he's "busy" (just playing on his phone) So now I'm going to take him alone.

I'll talk to his dad and get him to speak to him.

I would have taken that phone and shoved it up his arse. He has a lot of growing up to do.

I wish I was your mum. If I was, I would be shaking sense into you.

Be honest. This is a boy you wanted to have sex with when you were 16. This is not the boy you wanted to marry and be with forever. These things happen; you've got a baby... But you don't need to throw your life away and become a skivvy to a useless boy. You and that baby deserve a happy home. I did it alone with 2 kids under 3, but our life is so much more peaceful and enjoyable without having a deadbeat dad around. Everytime you need help from him, it will be a battle and it will wear you down until you are miserable. That child will have one parent who is totally uninterested and useless, and another who is bitter and resentful of her life.

Make a plan for yourself. What do you want from life? What do you want to do, where do you want to be? Think about it, figure it out and start planning. Leave him and let him be the shitty part time parent he currently is, but at least let him do it without dragging your feelings down too.