Are they being CFs or am I dreaming too big ?

[SailorJerry13]

I lost my parents last year, and it has propelled me to want to start achieving things before it’s too late. (And I lose anyone else)

One of those things was to get married. Iv been with my partner for 7 years, and we were close friends beforehand. We have a DD age 4.
DP proposed just after she was born so we’ve been engaged a few years now, but as I’m a SAHM we don’t have a lot of spare cash.

My partner and I agreed to have a registry office wedding, as I felt a large wedding was out of reach money wise, plus I didn’t want the traditional type wedding as there is no mother or father of the bride and I felt highlighting that would be too emotional.

So registry office wedding going ahead. We decided to have a meal at a restaurant afterwards and I contacted a lovely place near the beach.

I explained it would be a small party of us (20) and a few kids and was asked if it was for a wedding. I said yes, as there’s no point lying. But specified it was still ‘just a meal’ and I didn’t want any special treatment. Just treat it as a large dinner party.

With two weeks before the wedding, Iv been trying to finalise the menu and get confirmation we are going ahead and the manager has emailed me to ask for a £970 deposit.

£750 of this is for hire of the corner of the restaurant - it is an open plan terrace restaurant looking out onto a cove, so we don’t have private hire or anything.

The food cost is estimated to be £1,050. This does NOT include any drinks, alcoholic or otherwise.

When I booked the restaurant it was on the premise that we would have their usual fixed price menu - at £25 per head I thought it was manageable and have been saving what I can for the last few months. We agreed with our guests that they would pay for their own drinks, and everyone was happy with that.

The restaurant manager/owner now wants £1,800 in total....

I don’t have this kind of money. I really hadn’t expected the charges to be so high, but what can I say ?

We’ve no hope in finding another restaurant at such short notice and I just feel so so upset that my wedding was shit to begin with and now it’s even worse! My friends have tried to be supportive but I can tell they all think a registry office wedding is naff already. Now my DP is saying we should tell the restaurant ‘thanks but we can’t afford that, so no thanks) and just get takeaways and sit in our garden with everyone.

Are they ripping me off ? Or is this just the reality of it and I was being silly to think we’d get a nice meal as well as a wedding for our small budget?

:( Thankyou for listening x

Where about in Cornwall? Can MN find you and alternative?

(I would name and shame the restaurant tbh, that's a total rip-off.)

Don't pay it. You could get a fantastic take away for less than £25 a head. If they don't want your money spend it elsewhere. Cheeky fuckers!

See if you can get caterers in to do a buffet at your house. Again, don't mention the "W" word.

A restaurant did something similar to us - although further ahead and bigger booking. We just cancelled.

To be honest the best memories of my wedding were the people I cared about all being in one place. We had good caterers in the end but I don't remember the food!

Take away a in the garden sound great to me too. Or a good pub lunch. And/or getting food salads and deserts from M&S (can order in advance) and then having takeaway hot food.

You are getting married at this point in time because this is the man you love, your partner, and you want to make that official. You want the people you love around you. The food, I promise, is not as important as you think. As long as there's enough of it, it'll really be ok.

Well, quantity and you are what makes it ok. If you're happy the people around you will be too. If people think a registry office isn't very good, well they can choose a cathedral, horse drawn carriages and full orchestra if they like when it's their turn. I've been to two beautiful registry weddings where the couple's love shone so brightly and a church one where, well, let's just say lots was for show.

Yup, they are being CF.

Our wedding was similar -- registrars office followed by a normal meal in a restaurant for 15 people. A few months later we had a party. We avoided using the word 'wedding' in all our bookings. At one point said it was a graduation party...

I think you can do something really nice in your garden. If 'take away' sounds a bit underwhelming, perhaps think instead in terms of 'catering.' See if your favourite restaurant has a catering menu, and can deliver to your house (or you can do pick up). (An alternative would be to do a pot luck with your guests, if they are the kind of people who would enjoy that. But if you order food in, it does make it much easier and saves cleaning up.)

Honestly, if you do it in your garden, it will be really easy for you and your guests and you can potentially make it even nicer than a meal out somewhere. Pluses: people can stay as long as they want, with no pressure to hurry up and leave the restaurant. You can stay drinking wine and having fun with your friends all night! And people can bring their own drinks, so get to drink whatever they like, rather than just what the bar has on that night.

Do a run to a party store or Poundland and get a bunch of balloons, streamers, party poppers, candles to decorate the garden. Lots of colorful blankets and cushions on the ground. Ask guests to bring umbrellas and folding chairs if they have any.

It will be lovely, honestly

I would ring them and ask why they are charging so much for a normal reservation and set menu. See if they can give one reasonable answer!

You are not hiring the place out, asking for room dressing or decorations, special waiter service or anything. Apart from everyone being dressed very nice, nothing is weddingy about it from the restaurants point of view.

They are cheeky twats and if they want come to a reasonable agreement cancel and make other plans.

Keep trying other places, look into a caterer coming to your house, maybe a garden party with a bbq or something?

I would be honest with her and say you thought it was £25 ph.

Get some nice platters from the M&S entertaining range and have a buffet in your garden.
Your friends won’t mind, They are there to celebrate with you not get a free dinner out.

@ahumanfemale: this is so well put. The best weddings are about love, and sharing that love with those who care about you the most. Everything else is just a fun party.

Get caterers to come and serve food in your garden - that sounds lovely - plus you won’t have far to stumble home to bed after a busy and boozy day!
We told our venue it was a family party and only used the word wedding after prices were agreed :)

OP, if you do decide on the at home a caterer for BBQ/hog roast should offer options for drinks etc. Most supermarkets offer free glass hire (we used for ours) and some also sale or return on booze.

Are there at any guests you can delegate to? Really hope you get something sorted, that is most cheeky :(

It’s worth emailing them but I reckon you’re onto plan b now, then having made the CF request they’ll doubtless come up with some rationalising nonsense about how the extra is warranted.

Being married is the main thing but I’m sorry they’ve messed you around like this. Catering in the garden sounds nice - won’t friends help you out so you’re not run ragged at your meal?

Very cheeky. My friend got her wedding breakfast at standard prices by booking as a family celebration, all confirmed by email, including they'd be bringing a 'celebration cake' and ensuring no extra charges as they'd cut and distribute themselves. They paid a deposit up front (1/3 I think) for a set menu with 3 choices - everyone emailed in and they advised actual numbers a month before, had about 35 guests.
When they got the bill at the end, cheeky hotel had slapped on a 50% 'wedding' surcharge.
Needless to say they didn't pay it as my friend had all the emails to show what was agreed.

If you still want to go the restaurant I think PrincessSarene's approach would be worth trying rather than asking what you are getting for the price quoted now - that makes it sound as though expect extras. I would either call in in person or ring and speak to the manager, then confirm what is agreed by email.

Do you have anyone who could 'host' for you? A sister or best friend? So while it will be at your house they will take the emotional burden?

I'm sorry but

"Maybe an afternoon teat type thing." really tickled me 😂😂😂

But no OP yanbu, I'd do as suggested and find out what that would actually include and see if they can come up with pretty much your original idea, otherwise I think food in the garden would be lovely! I know I'd love that

I remember so many lovely things about my daughter's wedding a couple of years ago. But I cannot for the life of me remember what we ate. It was nice, but it wasn't what mattered.
Everyone who loves you will have a great time even if they get chips in a bag OP.
Congratulations!

@Stucknoue sums it all up perfectly with

Tell them you simply want the fixed price menu and are willing to pay 50% up front, drinks will be bought from the bar, you do not require private hire. They are being very cheeky.

I’d tell them they can take it or leave it, if they can afford to turn away 20 guests at £25 pp plus the bar takings too you might have to find somewhere else. But finding an alternative venue is maybe better than being ripped off.

First of all, a registry office is not naff. The most gorgeous wedding I have ever been to was a registry office wedding, the couple wore ordinary clothes and their kids carried toys. The couple wrote their own vows and spoke them to each other. It was meaningful, warm and loving. And the registrar who married dh and me wove our words seamlessly into the legal words. It was lovely.

As for food, though, cut your losses. The restaurant are ripping you off because of the magical word 'wedding'.

How about decorating your garden and hiring a mobile pizza van? We often have a pizza van for our staff dos, and it costs about £12 per person. They do all the cooking, dishing-up (buffet) and clearing away. There are usually several different pizzas and several different salads and bruschettas. Nice food. We bring our own drinks and desserts. Your guests could BYOB and you could have wedding cake for dessert. And ice-cream. Ice-cream is always good

Could you rope in a couple of friends to do the clearing up ? OUr mates were wonderful at our wedding, shooed us away!

Yes I preferred my friend’s second wedding to her fancy expensive first one as she just looked so much happier. And I don’t remember the food at any wedding I’ve been to, that’s a spot on comment!

ditto fish & chips!

I think you need to be really clear to them that it’s not in your budget, so they can either maintain a guaranteed booking for a large party at regular prices or lose the booking altogether. Be adamant that you don't Want anything weddingy from the restaurant and that you want incur any unusual costs.

Explain that friends have booked a similar service from them previously and that is what you’re looking for, the nature of the event is irrelevant.

Tell them they can take it or leave it... they either get £25ph worth of business or nothing at all as you’ll go elsewhere.

We've just had a hog roast for our wedding for 30 people and I specified they would all eat twice! So 60 servings including vegetarian options. it came in at £450 plus salads and they did it all.

The company I used roast off site and arrive to carry on cooking. They carve and serve so they are not in your way or on you lawn for 7-8 hours.

Much cheaper way of feeding people at home without feeling you are doing the catering.

This might be an option.